Who me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />? Gee thanks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />!

I am so glad you finally did it. Now just keep plugging away at it.

I love Peps idea with the thong and then pillow. That would be awesome really. They pretend they don't see, but I know first hand that they really do, and they smell and they hear everything.

I bet omelette doesn't smell as good as you did today. The OW in the seat thing really struck a cord for me. We still own the truck that he screwed OW in. I hate riding in it, but we had just bought it in August of 03 right in the middle of the A. I am hoping to trade it in soon lord knows.

Anyway back to you. I am so proud of you! You are one strong cookie.

HINY <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Oh, exposure - the fly in my 'fun Plan A' ointment.

He likes me now, sorta, and now I have to make him mad again.

Keep the boy on his toes, eh?

I didn't put any contact info on the letter as I wasn't 100% sure it was going to the right address. I included photos of my kids, and I felt strange including contact info without being 100% sure it would be going to the right address.

I know it makes it seem less 'correct', but my kids were top priority on this.


Thank you so much, b0b. High praise indeed from the master.


I'll see if I can find one... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />


Alph.

Alph - I don't have time for much.

Dern good job.

WAT

One other 'costume trick'

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

wear one of ~his shirts~ when lounging around ... next time he comes over to pick up the kiddlets.

this drove Mr. Pep nutz ... most men find this really sexy

If the WH asks you about wearing his shirt ... "I like to smell you when you are not around. I miss your smell."

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> hee hee hee

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I'm buying NEW sheets - something sensual.


Wish I could do this - no shirts left! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I used to do this all the time, too - genuinely because I do like the smell of him and because I like big shirts!

Perhaps one day if I ask him to take off the shirt he's wearing... No, just kidding! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

I asked for a worn t-shirt to sleep with. He gladly took it off and forked it over. When he asked why I said because I miss your smell so much at night <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />.

And I tried sleeping with it but ended up crying on it everytime I tried. So I tucked it away and when he would come, I would wrap my pillow in it so he thought I was sleeping with it anyway.

I was thinking about that talk he wants to have. Why not try a date like thing? Like how about inviting him to a movie and coffee to talk afterwards and pick a movie that you know he would love? Or a movie at home without the kids and make some popcorn? Then you could lay on his shoulder and watch it and then work in some good plan Aing?

Try to make the chat a dating chat if you can. Meet some of the EN's that tortilla is meeting right now. No man can resist you laying your head on his shoulders and watching a movie. Well and while your at it how about sliding your hand down <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />......oh never mind I was getting carried away there <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />...LOL. You know what I mean.

HINY <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

You are such a natural at this! I can't believe how many things you came up with. So impressed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That smell thing, tho... I couldn't wash the bed sheets for ages after he left because I didn't want to wash his smell out... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I will try the 'date' thing. Previous talks have involved sitting at opposite ends of the dining room table. I should certain warm it up a little!

Alph.

Yes you need to make it hotter in there.

I really warmed myself up by putting on some really hot music before I knew he was coming, it would get my adrenaline pumped up so I could deal with him better.

You are doing great though. Just keep taking the tips and using them. It is hard to remember some of this stuff because I try to block it out it was such a painful time as you are well aware of I am sure.

I will keep on thinking of things I did. You have a few so use them wisely and keep being you!

HINY

A question about the lifetime of affairs.

The maximum lifetime of most As is usually set at about 2 years, with most ending earlier at about 6 months.

My WH's A began just before Christmas, but remained secret until the beginning of April, when he and OW moved in together. It is still secret (more or less) at his work place, although I am exposing.

Is the two year lifetime with exposure or without it? Do I start counting from just before Christmas, or from April? Or do I start counting from the time that full exposure is completed?

Probably shouldn't be counting at all - can drive you mad waiting for something to end and it isn't co-operating! But I need to have some estimates and dates in my head for when I go into plan B.

Thanks,

Alph.

Alph
You shouldn't be counting at all.

An affair will last depending upon many many influences:

State of marriage(s) prior to affair
Finances
Pig headedness of affairees
"plan A or b-ness" of BS

etc

Its more important how long YOU are prepared to wait for your WH to stop his affair and work on your marriage.

Your plan A is going well, exposure could be speedier and you're not 'hoping' the A should stop but are working the plan. There are cracks in 'paradise' (exposure, financial worries) so its not looking unbreakable.

BUT it depends entirely ow long YOU will work on this without WH coming around.
In SAA teh first protagonist BH suffers a TWO year vascillating WW. NO WAY would I have tolerated that.

I busted Squids affair before it reached it 'romantic' peak, and I was "lucky" that OM ,basically, cared for his long term GF and son and was playing Squid.

So as I said, stop measuring. Its not a contest, its the heath of your hearts.

Plan B is for when plan A has done all it can and you find your love reserves for the man dwindling.

Plan A is to make sure WH can't ignore the reasons why you're a great spouse, and Plan B brutally makes him see what life without ANY Of the benefits of 'you' feels like.

If after exposing
Plan A'ing
Reverse bablling
Financial touble

The A is still going strong THEN its time to plan B. I don't see any benefit in going beyond 3-5 months before plan B'ing.

OK My opinion ? Right now your heart is BRIM FULL of love for WH, and a soon-ish plan B you would fail miserably at.

WS tug the heart strings of plan B BS like you wouldn;t believe in an effort to feel at leats 'liked' and comforted by your occasional communication. Right now Alph, if she sent you an email that said " I want to talk, baby" you'd melt and go see him IMO ! That is to your credit, not afault BTW !!! But that why a good shot at plan A is needed first. You need to get sick of him a bit at least.

Plan B is not having ANY communication at all until certain conditions are met i.e. transparent NC.

Hi b0b,

I have some friends coming around for dinner this Sunday.

He is a work colleague of WH (works in the same school - his wife and 4 year old son are coming too). He is one of only 2 colleagues who know about the A. He also plays in the same band as WH.

This friend is pretty disgusted with WH and what he has done. Exposure is so slow going the 'official' way as I have been. I am beginning to think that I need to spread the good news around the staff at the school. I am thinking about asking this friend to give me some names, although I don't want to put him in an awkward position.

Going back to my previous post - I know I shouldn't measure, but I have to have something to hold on to, and not just the way I feel, which changes hour to hour.

Alph.

DEAR alph, I really sympathise with you.

I agree you shouldn't go by 'how you feel' but nor can there be an empirical measurement of 'the right time to plan B'.

As you know I never had to effect plan B, but myplan in case I had to was to check and recheck my criteria every month with a friend and on these boards.

My criteria were:

* Have I delivered a solid plan A ( no setbacks or lbs?)
* Is there any part of 'the benefits of ME' that I haven't displayed in plan A ?
* Has exposure been effected as fully as possible ?
* Do I still respect myself after the LAST months plan A ?

If I had checked these boxes : yes, no ,yes, no for TWO check periods concurrently I would have gone to plan B.

Ping up a new thread that asks when others went to plan B othe rthan how they 'felt'.

PS note also that MOST plan Bs are half hearted gestures that fail miserably for a couple of attempts before finally being effected once the BS 'gets it'.

I am beginning to feel that plan B for me is inevitable.

WH is so deep in the fog, seems so resolute in the A.

I do have a lot of love left for WH at the moment, but I can't see myself plan A-ing past the summer.

I'll have to see how I feel then.

Alph.

Alph

Time.

Sorry, I HATED MBers telling me that I needed patience, but you do.

Its been LESS THAN A MONTH that you have been plan A'ing and you havn't fully exposed yet.

Your WH has shat on you and you still have love for him. WH's'love' for OW won't blow away overnight.

I always have been impatient. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

I've done it.

I've gone right over the head's head <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> and reported WH and OW to the Diocesan Schools' Commission.

I spoke to a lovely man, who will be phoning the headmaster immediately, and acting on my behalf. He said he would pursue the matter as far as possible. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Intially, WH and Omelette will be called before the headmaster and the Board of Governors to explain themselves. Things are likely to be worse for Omelette because a) she is a baptised Catholic (albeit non-practicing) and b) she has probably signed a new type of 'code of conduct' contract introduced in the last 5 years which requires certain standards to be maintained - such as not scr*wing and stealing people's husbands and breaking up families. This is an internal matter intially; if the A is seen as a real threat to the school's reputation, it will become a public matter, and then things will be more serious.

Dismissal seems unlikely. One thing in their favour is that they have moved out of the cachment area of the school, thereby, in the Commission's eyes, reducing the stain on the school's reputation.

The nice man said OW could be asked to leave her position, but might also be 'transferred' to a non-Catholic school. It might be that she will not be allowed to teach in a Catholic school again.

This is all speculation, and I shouldn't get my hopes up. What is certain, however, is that WH and Omelette will be hauled up before the BOG and given a real grilling.

Now, someone please pass me my traquillisers... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Good job Alph. Now THAT'S some serious exposure!

.... and did you notice? .... I passed up the "heads head" opportunity ..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> .... so proud of myself!

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I admire your restraint, Pep. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Excellent!

Stand by for anger you have not imagined your husband capable of.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Editorial question: Why am I not surprised that the reputation of the school is more important than simply doing the right thing? So much for those "authoritative moral standards" - once again.

WAT
----------------
I'd rather be called a heathen than a hypocrit. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

So am I done now? PLEASE tell me I can stop with the exposure, already?

It's making me ill! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Alph.