We're back from DD12's play.

When we got there, DD5 wanted to sit in the front row. Some parents of DD12's friends were sitting there, so WH avoided them! We sat in the third row instead.

If he isn't ashamed of what he has done, why did he want to avoid these people?

He was very tired and stressed from work. Made quite a big thing out of yawning and stuff - I think he wanted me to mention it actually. Then he started talking about it himself. So I listened and smiled until the play began.

DD5 sat between us as we watched. As the play went on, she became tired and sat on her daddy's lap. He seemed really emotional, kept smelling and stroking her hair. DD5 patted the seat she had been sitting in, the one between us. So I sat in it, next to WH.

I wanted so much to put my head on his shoulder as he sat there cuddling DD5. But I didn't. One reason was I thought I would start crying if I did. Another reason was he smelt of stale alcohol.

I am worried about him.

After the play finished, we waited in the foyer for DD12 to get changed. I sat on the floor with DD5 in my lap. From the corner of my eye I saw that WH watched us. We didn't speak much. I've had a bad day with my meds, and was very tired too. I didn't want to love bust, and DD5 was so happy. When DD12 came to meet us, she was also so happy to see us together.

Then he took us home, and went back to OW. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

You are truly amazing Alph. Good job.

What a difficult evening, Alphin. You did your daughters proud.

Your H is at the start of a long, long downhill slide. Smelling of stale alcohol? He is OW's creature right now. He doesn't deserve to have you wait for him.

Look to your own life, Alphin. Your daughters are going to need you.

TogetherAlone

TA you are right. She did do wonderfully. I am glad you are doing good. You are strong.

Keep going something has to give eventually. Either you or them.

HINY

you're a strong woman, Alphin. Don't ever forget that.

The smell of alcohol on your H is not a good sign at all.

I'm praying that I will be calm and inwardly strong when WH comes back later to grab more of his clothes and belongings. He's preparing to move up by the 15th.

~A

You did wonderful, Alphin!
Most of all, it sounds as if your children had a lovely evening. You are meeting emotional needs that OW can never fulfill!

Deep in his heart, your WH knows that the very best for his children and for him, is for the two of you to love each other. --- Those are words from Steve Harley.

I bet you could get WH to commit to one family day a week.

Hi Lost,

I'm feeling so sad this morning. It was so unnatural for him to go back to her after that evening together. I woke up this morning crying for him. Haven't done that for a long time.

It was only when I woke up that I realised I'd forgotten to eat dinner yesterday. I feel like I'm in a downward spiral again - the ADs have completely killed my appetite for the moment so I have no desire to eat - I just don't really think about it.

I was hoping that some money would be in my account today - tax credits. The guy dealing with it told me last month they would be there today. They aren't. I don't know what to do. DD5 has a friend coming around for tea today and I don't have anything nice to give them. I don't even have any fruit to put in the girl's packed lunches.

Sorry to moan on. I can't believe that WH has done this to us.

Alph.

Faithful, Togetheralone, HINY, Ashley:

Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I wish I felt more hopeful this morning.

Still, I've got plenty to do before DD5 and her little friend come home for dinner! Best to keep busy, eh?

Alph.

Hi, Alph.

Now it's my turn to say I'm sorry your WH is such an idiot. Stupid, stupid aliens.

I have found that kids are very understanding of situations such as these. My kids and I have even made a sort of party out of eating odds and ends left in the frig and pantry when we were almost out of money. We tried to find the most odd combination of leftover tidbits we could, then had a picnic in the living room.

Things will get better. They just have to. Hang in there, Alph.

That's a great idea, Peb. Thanks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Alph,

If you don't start to feel better after 2 weeks of Prozac, definitely try something else. I think you should actually call your doctor today. He should know that you feel worse instead of better so far. There are so many medications out there. You are sure to find something that doesn't rob you of your energy and actually improves your appetite.

I'm not sure if my medication improved my appetite, or if just feeling better has. If you are anything like me, a couple more kilos would be good for the nerves. My doctor actually gave me a prescription for some ampules with an electrolyte and amino acids at the beginning until I got out of danger zone.

Alph

You did wonderfully last night.

You need to find some stiffness though, darl' else these wonderful plan A opportunities to remind WH of all the reasons to come hope will wrench your guts out and make you ill.

Hard ? Oh yeah.

Detach. Treat it like a project. Or whatever metaphor works for you.

But you need a mechanism to stop these great opportnities for you tearing you apart inside. theright ADs ( when you find them) will help but not REPLACE a strategy for coping with this.

But you did brilliantly. Can you imagien OW sat in her flat listening to the clock ticking writhing in her spite, hatred and humilation that WH was having a lovely time with you ?

Imagine how nasty she was to WH when he arrived home ?

Imagine how indignant he would have felt thinking ( if now saying) " Hey ! They're MY kids and I'll spend time with them if I want !!!".

Its all good Alph. A few more of those wonderful family times and plan B might just be timely.

Alph

You did fantastic last night, chin up girl and keep the plan going.

FreeAllAngels

Alph,

I agree with Pebbles in that kids do understand, and sometimes love having "fun stuff" for dinner. My favorite was pancakes in the evening <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think that you're doing great!

Have you been able to find some time to exercise? Often that will help clear up depression, and it would give you the opportunity to work off some anger that might be buried. Pebbles and Melody Lane can suggest some videos if you would prefer to work out in your living room. I bet your girls would participate if you got a Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds video.

I would imagine that you've probably lost some weight, so it's not a suggestion that you should do it for the weight loss, just that the activity will probably help you feel better.

Cat

I agree, Cat, exercise does wonders for your state of mind and just as it helps those overweight by burning calories, it helps those of us that are underweight by increasing our appetite.

I do a lot of walking during the day - that makes me feel better. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I used to love yoga, but since my illness it hasn't really been a 'safe' option - I certainly couldn't join a class and do it in public! Perhaps I will get a yoga video - I've no fat on me at all any more, but the muscles could do with a tone up!

Alph.

Dear WH,

The hardest thing I have ever done is write this letter.

I have told you before of how much I love you, and how I wish you had known that whilst we were together. I understand how you may have thought my love for you had died, although it never did. I have also told you how sorry I am that I made you unhappy in our marriage, and how I regret that we drifted apart. All I ever wanted was for us to be together, and for our girls and our family to be healthy and happy.

My deepest regret is that you think I have become a person you can no longer love or live with.

Now we are here, in this horrible situation. I can no longer continue with things the way that they are.

I must break all contact with you completely and indefinitely, for the sake of my own health and sanity, until you permanently end your affair with OW and decide to recommit to our marriage and your family. I will not see you in person, speak to you on the telephone, or receive email or text messages from you, under any circumstances at all except in the case of an emergency.

I have changed my mobile number. I have bought a telephone/answerphone with caller ID on it, and will not answer it if I think it is you calling, or if I do not recognise the number. My email address remains the same, but I will delete any messages from you without reading them.

Please note that I am not restricting your access to the children. You will still see them twice a week, as before, but you will have to take them out each time instead of seeing them here. You may phone them as you wish on DD12’s mobile, although it would be convenient if you would restrict the calls to the early evening as you have been doing up to now. I will make sure she leaves it on at those times. DD12, of course, can ring or text you whenever she wishes.

You will come to collect the girls at 5pm on Thursday, and return them at 7pm. On Sundays you will collect them at 1.30pm, and return them by 5.30pm. They will be waiting for you by the door when you arrive. When you drop them off, please make sure that they are inside safely and that they close the door behind them before you leave. I also ask that you arrive on time, and that you also drop them back promptly. I will ensure that DD12 carries her keys with her each time – should she forget her keys, please return the girls to the back yard instead (do not ring the front doorbell) and get them to knock on the door there. Please then leave immediately.

MIL has very kindly agreed to act as an intermediary between us. Should you need to contact me for anything other than a dire emergency, please do so through her.

If you need to contact my solicitor, these are her details:

***

I realise that you still have the legal right to enter the house if you wish to. I implore you not to do this. I have ample evidence from medical professionals, as well as anecdotal evidence from family and friends, that your affair with OW and my contact with you since has been severely damaging to my health and emotional well-being. If necessary I will present this evidence to my solicitor and instruct her to initiate court proceedings to prevent your access to the house. I would much prefer not to do this. Please respect my wishes, and return your keys in an envelope through the letterbox as soon as possible.

WH, all I ever wanted was for us to be happy together, and I am certain that if you gave us the chance we could have a happier and more loving relationship than ever before. You told me yourself on the day that you left that you wanted us all to be happy. This present situation, however, is making us all deeply unhappy, and is now beyond endurance for me. I cannot allow myself to be exposed to it any longer.

Please take good care of yourself.

Alphin

I am no expert on pan B letters, but that certainly very moving.

Your WH will rebel against it immediately. You will need to be strong., He will lie, implore and beg to stay cake eating and have you friendly with him.

Be tough.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Stay strong, Alphin....

Sounds good to me.

HINY