((( hugs )))

you are doing very very well Alph ...

Alph,

You know that I am still in Plan A myself, and no expert, but there a couple things I think it would be good to get the opinion of one of the vets. For example, would it be possible for you to put a caller block on your phone for WH's number? Do you know how to configure your email so that mails from WH will be blocked? If you go totally dark, you won't have to fret about him contacting you... or not contacting you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I think that you should put in something about you not allowing the girls to have contact with OW as long as the two of you are still married. You don't want your daughters to think that it will be acceptable behavior for their future husbands to desert them their children for another woman.


I'm not too sure if this paragraph is such a good idea. What is the opinion of the vets?

Otherwise, I find it a great letter, Alph. It is passionate and loving. Maybe the last sentence should be something to the order of if he should end his affair and all contact with OW that you would be willing to discuss reconciliation.

Many warm hugs to you!

Thanks you, everyone, for your comments and support!

I am not intending to go to plan B until the end of the summer, but just felt like writing this today, so I did. Have to start the planning somewhere!

Lost, do you think the paragraph you quoted was too confrontational? Or that it makes me out to be weak?

Alph.

If we get our mediation appointment before the summer holidays, then I will make this clear to him then. If not (we can't go to mediation when the kids are off school), then I may add it to the letter.

Good point too about caller block and email filter - I'll check out these options.

Thanks, Lost!

Alph.

Alph,

I just think that the paragraph about all of this threatening your mental and physical health is going to put an extremely foggy WS on the defense, and their ONLY defense for their behavior is to blame the BS. Suddenly they change history and they have been poor innocent victims of our hysteria and depression forever and ever and it is no wonder that they finally after years and years of enduring tis have FINALLY allowed themselves a little glimpse of happiness. I guess I just see it as potential amunition for for an alien spouse. At least my WH used it as such...

I think your essential message should be that as long as he continues a relationship with OW, you are much better off without him and although you will miss him, you will be just fine. When his affair with OW is over, you are open for discussion about building a new future together in which you would both be happy.

Alph, again, take this and use it or toss it out as you see fit. I'm not a vet that has recovered her marriage. I'm still floundering around in plan a.

Hmmm...

WH forgot to phone DD5 this evening. He's never done that before (except when he first moved out and was delirious with OW).

He brought DD12 home from the second night of her school play. He always comes in and says hello - I thought he'd at least come in and look at DD5 as she slept.

But no. He just opened the front door, shouted (none too politely) up the stairs 'I've brought DD12 home!' and then just left in a big hurry.

I wonder if something happened at school today, and OW is weeping in their septic lovenest?

Alph.

Or, maybe...

Maybe they had a big row because WH took ME out last night! Maybe OW did smell my perfume in the car!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

We can only hope! Maybe she doesn't want him spending time with you and his family????

Good I hope she doesn't like it.

HINY

I'm sure she doesn't. I mean, how many single women go after a guy because he's already got kids? She'd much rather we didn't exist at all!

She'll put up with them if she has to, but it's him she wants, not them.

Alph.

Too bad she got the whole enchilada!

Get it? I know it was bad, but true!

I am glad your evening made an impact on her, do it again real soon....

HINY

Now I've written my Plan B letter, I sooo want to start plan B immediately! But I know I still have some plan A ahead of me.

Feeling a little better this morning. I hope I'm over the worst with the ADs. Unfortunately, a lot of hair came out of my head in the shower this morning. Still, I can always wear a wig, can't I? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

I second Pep, you're doing just fine, pet.
Calmness.

I just checked my online account - tax credits came through today.

Woo-hoo! I'm in the money!!! I can call SH now!!!

*dances around the room*

Alph.

I've just texted WH and asked him if he'd like to come out to dinner with us tonight, as I'm so flush (I think we'll go Dutch, tho <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ).

He can only say no, right? And then we'll go anyway and enjoy ourselves without him.

I still wonder if something has happened regarding the school exposure... I guess he will say no if he's real mad at me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Don't tell him you're flush, or behave in a way that indicates you are.

You are able to survive no thanks to WH, that's not 'financially secure'.

Let WH pay for dinner. You pay if he doesn;t join you.

We're certainly not financially secure; this is just some money I've been waiting for a long time. Very timely!

Not really flush. Though it feels like it at the moment compared to yesterday!

Nothing but a sulky silence from my cell phone. But I guess he is working...

Edited to add: He just texted me back - says he's sorry he can't make it tonight but he hopes we have a nice time.


Alph

I've just been phoning around and sending some emails to see if there's anything else that can be done regarding exposure in my sitch.

WH and OW are stuck together like glue - it's so frustrating!

The Catholic Schools Commission guy who's meant to be dealing with my case wasn't there today, but I'll call him back on Tuesday.

I've also phoned the Catholic Education Service, who have advised me that if I need to I can write to their Chief Executive.

I've also sent a 'what if' email to their legal advisor.

Here's hoping!!!

Alph.

I've sent an email to schedule a counselling session with SH!

I'm really looking forward to it. I'm going to brush up on SAA and HNHN this weekend and early next week.

Alph.

Good glad you did that. He will really give you some hope and some help. You are doing great!

HINY

This is great news, Alphin! Your first session will be spent giving SH all the information he needs to help you out, but have a pencil and paper at hand and listen carefully, because he will give you a couple important tasks to do as well as some insight and strength!

Our first MC was free, paid for by the social system here, but an absolute waste of time. With SH suggestions, it seems as if I am able to motivate my real H to come into orbit now and then.