Hey Pep.


But I feel sick, mommie! I wanna get off!!!

Alph.

Alphin,

Wait until next week you will feel something totally different again. It is a strange ride. And recovery isn't any different. It seems like nothing ever just works out the way you want it to. It takes so much work just to feel during and affair for everyone involved.

I remember my FWH telling me he felt like two different people in the same body. I said what do you mean? He said I feel like one person when I am with her and at her house, and I feel like a different person when I am with you and my family. Is that not the strangest thing you have ever heard? It almost scared me to hear that from him.

Looking back I can see how he could feel that now. Confusion and being someone he wasn't just for her sake. I also felt that same way in a sense. Different when he was here then when he wasn't. Like I didnt need him or want him, until I saw him. Then I did.

Pep is right you know. Pep is usually always right. Just so you know. Just go with it for today. Don't make rash decisions, think first then react.

Hugs and prayers.

HINY

OK, I won't divorce him today!

But he'd better watch himself... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Well, I've re-read SAA, and HNHN. I've done the EN questionaire (and made a stab at it on WH's behalf).

My appointment with SH is tomorrow.

Anything else I should do to prepare?

Alph.

take notes on talking points during your counseling

good luck Alph!

we're all pulling for you

Darn right he'd better watch himself!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Turn the roller coaster power supply off tonight and watch some drivel on ITV....or better yet Channel FIVE!

Thanks, Pep.

Is he nice - easy to talk to?

Alph.

Nooooo!!! Not Channel Five!!!

Alph.

Good luck with your telephone session....from what I've read here he's fantastic....to the point and picks stuff up quickly.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> hehehe

ok...how about a glass of wine and a non-relationship book?

he is reportedly a ton better than "nice" .... He is reportedly keenly accurate and pragmatic and kind. Ask Mimi ... she counseled with SH, we did not. I went through this A business 10 years ago... before many people (including us) had internet. My support was via our in life counselor. A former priest who quit the church, got married and opened a marriage counseling center. I recently learned he died suddenly about 2 years ago. I called the center to ask about sending him a thank you card or a donation or something ... and I spoke to his widow. Then, I hung up the phone and cried for awhile. NEVER delay thanking someone .... I feel sad I missed the opportunity to tell him what he did for us.

Alphin,

Good news regarding your session with SH! I hope it helps you. I strongly suspect it will.

I’ve been away on holiday, as you guys say. Came back to a metric ton of work. Just a couple of quick thoughts for you:

“DD12 has just told me she doesn't want to play the violin any more (she's been playing for 5 years, and is very good).”

DS was 11 when FWW left after DDay2. During the next three months he dropped out of baseball, soccer, band (he plays the trumpet and is quite good, when he practices), and Scouts. He also started talking pretty trashy. He stated many times he hated his mom and wished she were dead. He tried to break the windows in her car with a bat one afternoon.

I took him to a child psychologist who worked most of this out with him. He is better now. Still somewhat distant with FWW. Still somewhat lackadaisical about schoolwork and band practice, but he does seem to be coming back. Last trimester he made the honor roll again, finally.

He talks to me a lot about what he is thinking. That’s important. Talk to your DD about her feelings. Tell her it is OK to have all these feelings. And be honest with her about what you are feeling. Kids know. They know everything to one degree or another. Be honest with your children – you cannot protect them from the truth but you can show them you are honest, you love them, you care more about them than anyone and very important – you will not lie to them!

“Your daughter may need to get on some anti-D's.” This is not a good idea for children. My sister has a PhD in Pharmacology and heads a pain management clinic research group at a major university. She told me AD’s affect children differently than adults. A big spike in children suicides here in USA has been traced to over-prescribing ADs for children. She strongly recommended DS not be given any and when I cited the studies she sent me to his child psychologist he agreed. Thanked me for the info, in fact. Most Drs do not know this yet and tend to over-prescribe (with pharmacy company encouragement).

“I have an appointment with SH tomorrow - is it still worth paying all the money I've set aside for it? Perhaps this is just the ADs finally kicking in, perhaps I will crash again tomorrow, but I don't think so.”

OK, last pharmacy lesson for the day: Per my sis, who researches this stuff, AD’s do not cause you to think anything. They remove the pall of fear and depression by restoring more normal chemical balances in your brain. Certain of your neurotransmitters were in oversupply or undersupply. So all they did was restore the normal amounts. The good thoughts, the happier feelings, the new calm you experience is all yours. It was always there in you, your brain just could not communicate these thoughts and feelings without the proper balance of neurotransmitters.

You are simply returning to who you really are. And you are a wonderful person. We all knew it from the start.

With prayers

PS: I would still like to give your WH’s school admin a piece of my mind. Let me know when I can, OK?

Bob wrote, “Your daughter may need to get on some anti-D's.”

A small thing, but I didn;t write that. I'd never recommend ADs for kids.

Bob,

Right, it was a post right above yours.

I'll edit it. Sorry.

Stupid bifocals.

~amen~ to THAT! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Alph

This may sound lame, and Squid never left my home for more than a week and some weekends but...

She was MORE spiteful, MORE foggy, More vicious, venomous,cruel and damaging in her pomp than your WH is.

And now she is loving and lovely. repentent. Grateful. Ashamed. Comitted.

Your work is the only thing that can get your WH there too.

You can D any time you want, such is your right but Ive seen worse WSs than yours and a LOT worse plan A's than yours come good.

Think carefully before you commit to a permanent decision.

Alphin,

Forgot to add: Be sure to tell SH about WH's drinking. He is more than likely an alcoholic, as we all discussed previously. SH needs to know this so he cangive you the correct advice and map out the most effective strategy. Standard MB plans do not work with substance addicts.

With more prayers,

Much of the time I have been posting here, members of my family have been reading my threads and supporting me in my efforts to save my marriage.

Now a member of my family has made comments about some of my posts which have made me very uncomfortable and unhappy. Whereas before I felt secure and supported knowing that family were reading my posts, I now feel paranoid and judged. I don't feel free to post any more.

I've made some very foolish decisions, and I think I've blown it, MB-wise. People I hoped would help me are either not speaking to me or are making judgements about me which I feel are completely unfair and out of order.

I'm still going to have my session with SH. I guess I will still continue to follow MB principles to try and save my marriage. But the forum has become crowded and I feel I am being watched all the time.

Alph.

Alph

As long as your posts have been true, you have said nothing indefensible.

I say to any of your relatives reading this and disapprovng that if they haven't fought like a TIGER to recover their family from infidelity as you are they should shut up and watch your efforts in awe, rather than in judgment.

Alphin, nowt so queer as folk....especially family members.

This should be your safe space and using your words against you is completely out of order. They should have the good grace to let this remain your safe space. It's best they don't read if they don't approve of your methods.

This is YOUR life YOUR marriage YOUR battle....not theirs.

Doing this alone would be tough....if you want to take your support to email say so in this thread.

I see nowhere that you have failed Alphin....quite the opposite.