I just lost my post.. grrr.

Basically, I found out 8 weeks ago my husband of 12 years cheated on me for about 3 months or so with an infrequent coworker (shiftwork).

He lied about their relationship initally, but after a brief blow up and quick resettling, 6 weeks later I discovered that they HAD been having an online/and in real life affair.

He gave that relationship up, he got a new job, he jumped through every embarrasing hoop I could think of that would show his honest desire for reconcilitaion. He did it all.

We have 3 terrific kids that are 11,9 and 5. He came back without the kids ever knowing he was gone and its been pretty hard work ever since. BUT its been better in our marriage since too..

my question, How do you get beyond the betrayal? I feel fine most days and then all of a sudden I look at him and feel the most horrible sense of loss and misery, knowing that he, the person I love most in the world, betrayed me.

How can I get beyond that? Does it ever get better??

Live your life one day at at time. Employ MB philosophy to each of those days.

If your FWH is totally de-fogged, print the EN (emotional needs) questionairre, and each of you fill it out, and discuss the results till each of you are convinced the other fully understands your position on each that you've marked.

Spend your days enjoying life as a family. Get out and do anything, both as a family unit, and as a couple. Return to some of the things that were most enjoyable for you as a "couple" when you were courting.

Any discussion of the past should be at mutually acceptable times, and done in such a way that tempers do not flare. If that happens, call a time out. You, the BS, are entitled to have every question answered. Make sure the discussions are free from any Love Busters, Angry Outbursts, Disrespectful Judgements, etc.

Look into your heart for forgiveness for his errant actions, and help him forgive himself.

Someone wise in these forums once said, "it's not time that heals all wounds, it's what you do with the time". Spend all of your time together in a positive, healing manner, and the rest will take care of itself.

If there are any doubts about "how things are between you", you should be seeing Steve Harley or another highly respected marriage counselor or coach.

Here's hoping this helps...

Best wishes,
SD

Thanks so much for your reply.

I truely do love my husband. I know that my kids are worth this effort and my family is worth it.

Its just very hard.