My H is so mean...I gave him a visitation schedule about 3 weeks ago, which came straight from the Texas Family Code...every other weekend, one day a week, and so on...He said he will not go by that, he will see the kids when HE wants to see them and he wont give any notice...I said Fine...and just document it...

I showed or rather GAVE my lawyer a copy of the letter...he said it was straight forward and to the point...it was not demanding or anything like that...matter of fact, it WAS straight out of the code...

The boys and I went on a camping trip this past week...just got home last night...H calls them this AM and says he will be by this evening around dinner time to get them...I said that is fine...We went to a friends house to swim and got home around 3:00, in which case the phone rang, it is him...

H: are the children there?

me: yes

H: I want to see them

me: I thought you were coming by tonight...they aren't ready and you are NOT coming in this house...

H: I will take them for lunch now

me: ummm, they already ATE LUNCH (moron)...you told them you would come over for dinner...

H: fine, I will be back then

So I go about my business...phone rings an hour later...

H: I cant go back to the office then come all the way back here to get them...I'll just see them...

me: really? ok, fine, can you please NOT tell them you are going to get them and then NOT show up...I will have to tell them now...

H: well, Thursday is no good cuz...

me: you cant see them thursday, we have drs appts and then a playoff game...

H: what time is the Gdam* game, or are you going to hide that from me too...

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WTF??? what am I hiding from him???

me: excuse me?

H: what time is the game?

me: 7:30 AND I am not hiding anything from you

then he goes on to tell me that I cant tell him what to do and when to see his kids and bla bla bla...

I explained to him that the court WILL tell him what to do and when to see his kids

he said that he will do whatever HE WANTS to do as long as he is paying for everything

OK...first of all...what in the HE!! did I do to make him treat ME or better yet his KIDS this way..

and second of all...isn't he SUPPOSED to pay for everything???

What is he trying to prove...conrol me...cuz it is not working...it is not even phasing me one bit...I dont give a rats [censored] anymore! He is so far gone...I just feel so sorry for my boys! they do love him...unfortunately!

Mom, just hold your ground and don't get into arguments with him. I think he is still testing you. So sorry your boy's are in the middle of his nonsense. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Have you established a visitation plan with the court yet? You can and will tell him when he can and can't see the children, through a judge.

Document. Don't engage. He's still at it - the same old arguing engaging.

So when are you moving to SA?

m2

I'm not up on Texas Family Court laws but my guess would be that YOU don't decide what the parenting schedule will be. The court does...as you go on to explain here: YOU don't give a parenting schedule to him. It should be in the form of a court order that is served upon him.

Your attorney should have written up an order for temporary child, and in some cases spousal support and a temporary parenting schedule pending the finality of the divorce.

Those orders are then approved by the family court judge and his attorney and HE signs them and they are binding by law and punishable by contempt.

Unless you have a written court order outlining a temporary parenting schedule, you are pretty much up a crick. He as much right to see his children as you do at any time of the day or night regardless of whether he is living in the marital home or not.

That's how it works in my neck of the woods anyway.

No, he's not. You can consider yourself very fortunate if he is. When you divorce you don't just get half the assests...you also get half the debts. If you have a good lawyer, you may be able to negotiate a better deal.

Movingforward...

He is NOT mad at you
he is MAD at the bone-chilling reality of his consequances that force him to be a stranger to his children..

He is MAD that he got what he wished for he
He is MAD tha the grass in only greener because it is watered by other peoples tears
He is MAD at what type of DAD he has chosen to be...

do NOT react
do NOT powerstruggle...

stand your ground but do it quietly softly sweetly..

Let the OP have all his anguish and angst..

subject yourself too as little as you can...

stick to visitation by removing yourself from the line of fire...

dear I am not keeping the times of anything from you if you are interested all you HAVE to do is ask...

be nice
nicer
nicest...

find amusement in his tantrums..
document EVERYTHING
RECORD things if you have to...
but don't get down on his level..

and know the nicer you are...the more he will escalate at first....hold tight...

watch him squirm as he feels what he has wrought..it is not your job to fix that for him...

ARK

Thank you for your replies! I cant move to SA, unless I want to travel back and forth every other weekend to deliver the kids to their dad...even if meeting half way, I will not subject the kids to that...they need stability and doing that to them is not fair to THEM...I will suck it up and live in this God Forsaken town that he has put me in...he said he would not come to SA to see them either...THEY will have to miss their weekend activities in order for HIM to see them on HIS turf....I wont do anything that will disrupt the kids' lives anymore than it already is..

The court date for Temp orders is not until July 7th, due to HIS lawyers vacation time...The visitation schedule I gave him was just something to go by UNTIL THEN...so the kids' could still see their dad and HE could still see them...BUT, he is being difficult, so be it...I wanted to try to keep some sort of stability for the KIDS sake...so I drew up a visitation schedule straight from the texas family code...

I am TRYING to be reasonable with him...I am TRYING to make this as painless as possible, but HE will not...My lawyer already said it is going to be a nasty divorce because of the way he is playing...so be it...I WAS going to be nice, but not anymore!

He is MAD, very MAD at what he has done, and KEEPS doing...HE KNEW what he had to do...so simple, yet he made it so hard, for everyone...so now, yes, he MUST live with HIS choices...no one makes choices for themselves except THEMSELVES! I dont talk to him, unless it is about the kids...I do not call him, he calls me...I have nothing to say to him...I asked him NOT to go thru the kids to see them..if he wants to see them, he needs to ask ME...soooo, when he DOES talk to me, he is mean and disrespectful..I am just matter of factly with him and very business like...I will not stand for his rudeness...

When it was the end of the school year, the boys had many awards ceremonies and parties...Something they have been doing for, ummm, four years now...I did not go out of my way to TELL him about them...but when he found out about them, he yelled "why didnt' you tell me"...my answer was and still is, I am not your babysitter, all you have to do is ASK me what is going on and I will tell you...It is not MY job to keep YOU informed, you are their father and YOU need to step up to the plate...You can find out the same way I find out! ASK!

He will always put the blame on ME for HIS actions because **I** make it easy for him to LEAVE...
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> But we all know the truth to that...

he's just being very unreasonable and very spiteful...but I have yet to engage in his antics...I have completely removed myself...I am in therapy and the kids are too...We had a "family" appt last week, which he DID NOT show up to...his loss...I am bettering myself for MYSELF...I am excited about going back to school and moving on with my life...He doesn't like the fact that I am not wollowing in my misery over here...He doesn't liek the fact that I am not begging him to come home...he had his last chance, the chance he SWORE he would stay forever...uh huh...NO MORE!

I have many friends who are there for me and I will be ok...he will not..he will never be happy...That's HIS choice...not mine...I WILL be happy...We are doing great!

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