Hi,

My problem is this: I cant get marriage out of my head. I've only been seeing my GF for about 6 months and we're both only 19; but there are so many times that I just feel like shes the one.

I just have so many problems with this. Its not really that its so soon, its not that soon to me. My parents were only together 2 weeks before they got married. I just think we are too young for this. We are both only 19 and still in school. I know I dont want to be married before I can support my wife and etc. Also, because I'm so young it makes me squirm a bit to realize that I'd be committing the rest of my life to this one woman and worry about infidelity (I'd probably never do it but I still worry).

So I have enough reasons to not rush into marriage right now, but I cant help but think about it nearly everyday. We've talked about it and we both have these thoughts. Any opinions about what we should do?

GEB,

A lot of churches run excellent pre-marital counselling sessions. I would suggest you both get in contact with your local church and arrange to discuss what marriage means and whether you are ready.

I have been with my wife since I was 18. It has not always been easy but plenty of people have married young before.

The Marriage Builder's site has a lot of great info on communications and commitment. I would recommend plenty of practice with the Policy of Joint Agreement before you finally get married.

Well, to contrast with what Stev said, there's a lot of churches pumping out crap for pre-marriage counseling as well. So do your homework. Finding a church teaching MB (a lot do) would be a good start. (My premarital counseling consisted of the pastor meeting with us, and asking us if we realized we were not always going to have it easy... That was it... Little did I know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />).

I had the hots for my W since the 9th grade, it just took her a few years to realize it too. So while we didn't marry young, I sure wanted too... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Spend lots of time reading this site, and perhaps you and your GF can sit down and work through some of the exercises together. Nothign wrong with reviewing HNHN and some of the others before you get started.

Implement BC in your relationship now, and get a handle on how to implement thigns like POJA.

Like Stev says. it's not easy, but it has been done.

Go team.

I agree with everything Jaye said.

The hardest thing for a young couple in love to imagine is that they will ever have a major disagreement about anything.

MarriageBuilders gives you a great set of tools to resolve these problems before they arrive (and they will arrive)

Check out Don't You Dare Get Married Until You Read This! The Book of Questions for Couples by COREY DONALDSON or The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do" by Susan Piver for a representative list of what couples can fight about.

Thanks guys, you all have been very helpful.

Godel,

I felt the exact same way as you - I knew my wife in 9th grade, we got together in our first year of college after dating for 3 months we got married. We were both 18.

Everything she said led me to believe we would last forever; she said I was her soulmate, that she couldnt wait to spend the rest of her life together, and that she wanted my babies so badly. Things went well for a year or so, and then she began to change. I guess she didn't like married life like she thought she did - 4 weeks ago, she blew me off and is divorcing me; shes having an A, and treats me like crap.

I still love her more than anything; but she doesn't. If you know in your heart that you will love this girl for your ENTIRE LIFE, then marry her, but don't do so until you are 100% positive that she means her ENTIRE LIFE too - people change in their early years, and thats why my wife is leaving - she thought she loved me and wanted to be with me forever; but she didn't. Kinda sucks that it came at my expense, but whatever..

Ultimately it comes down to this: You know yourself, and you know in your heart if you can be with her through anything - go into it thinking about the worst. Is she worth the worst? Would you go through the worst with her and still love her? If you can, then you're set. But the hardest part is knowing that SHE wants to be with you forever; and that shes not just caught up in the moment. That was my mistake.

I have done things to hurt her, don't get me wrong - but I'm not solitary in this sense. She has hurt me just as badly as I've hurt her - only I am the only staying and she isn't. You need to evaluate your gf's level of determination to stay together before you commit.