My wife and I have been happily married seven years. Over the past couple of years our sex life has been less than spectacular and few and far between. Well, I guess I should just cut to the chase, I had and affair. It lasted about 2 weeks before I put an end to it. It began April 6 and ended April 19th of this year.

The day I ended it was a wonderful day, I came home that evening and my wife was sleeping on the couch. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I had such a good perspective on life. I realized that our marriage may not be perfect, but it was still the best thing that has ever happened to me. I actually wanted kids; I never did before. I began to treat my wife like the princess that she is. For 2 weeks our marriage seemed like had never been better.

Then it happens. The OW says she is late for her period. She tells me that on May 4th. I can see my world crumble before my eyes. We take a urine pregnancy test on May 4, 5, and 6th around noon. They all come out negative. I read on the internet that the urine test are not all that accurate. I ask her to take another on May 11th. It is still negative. Regardless of the results, I am still flipping out. I am feeling so guilty, ashamed and sorry, I turn to the only place I know. I go see a priest. I tell him my situation and he is very understanding. I tell him I want to tell my wife, he advises me not to, at least not at this point. After talking with him for a while, he tells me to go home and love my wife.

The other woman tells me on May 15th that she finally got her period. By this time, I am so strung out that I don’t believe her, so we go get a blood test. The results come back negative the next day. Now I find myself wondering if the vials of blood got mixed up at the lab.

Over that week and a half, I hardly sleep and eat. I lose 10lbs. My wife knows something is going on, I tell her it is work. That makes sense because my job sucks. I am literally making myself sick. I go see my doctor, I confess everything to him and he tells me to take a couple of deep breaths, she is not pregnant. Over the course of the next week I get a STD test, why, I don’t know I have know symptoms. I see my doctor a couple of more times and he give me some anti-anxiety medicine.

I know that I deserve all of this, but the thought of the hurt that I will cause my wife kills me. It has gotten so bad that suicidal thoughts have entered my head. I have a good life insurance policy, and if I destroy both of our lives, at least she will be taken care of. I know that to still think the OW is pregnant is not realistic, but for some reason I can’t shake off that possibility, no matter who tells me otherwise, even the OW. In some respects, I am a better man, I see the real value of my marriage and my wife. I have changed the way I treat her. I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore. My wife has even said that our marriage has never been better. If she only knew how it got that way.

I know that I made my bed and now I have to sleep in it. The shame and guilt is not worth the affair. I am so stupid for doing what I did. My therapist tells me it was a mistake, learn from it, but I need to get past it. Every time I here about a pregnancy, my stomach turns, every time I see the other woman, my stomach turns, every time my wife tells me she loves me, I just want to breakdown and cry. While I know I need to get past it, I don’t want to forget the lessons learn, but I can’t handle reliving it.

Eddie

eddie..

isn't it just more selfserving selfish behavior to go belly up and wallow in your guilt...

Is your plan to live your whole life with it being all about you you you

ark

Eddie... I'm sorry. So sorry.

Do you have any questions about what you should do now?

GC

Hi Eddie - believe it or not, I find it very refreshing to hear honest humility.

Read around this forum and see how many descriptions there are of people who do not have your strength of character. Sure, you screwed up. But it's a bigger screw up to not have the courage to look in a mirror.

You will need to dig a little deeper and fess up to your wife. Yep, very difficult to do and no one can predict how she will react. But one thing is for sure, her reaction will be worse the longer you keep this secret. Your new and improved marriage will have been a ruse.

You can do this.


Why am I not surprised? So much again for those "authoritative moral standards" we hear are so reliable and predictable. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Eddie, the sooner the better you tell her. Go to a different Priest - a different moral source. Or call one of the MB counselors.

Hi Eddie,

Welcome to MB although I am sorry you are here under the circumstances.

You'll be hard pressed to find anyone here that will advise you not to tell your wife what you have done.It usually comes out anyway and then you look like all the more a bigger liar.

You are so very lucky the homewrecking OW wasn't pregnant and didn't give you an STD.But now you have to face the facts of what you did in full force by telling your wife.She deserves to know.It's not about YOU keeping this from her so you "will not hurt her more" or some other excuse we have all heard here.It's about starting over with your wife with all honesty.She is in for a world of hurt but it would be so much worse if you kept this from her and she finds out from some stranger,a friend or even the OW herself.OW have been known to do this no matter what you may have agreed to.

What *may* pull her through all this is that you have ended it FOR GOOD FOREVER with the OW and never contact or see that person again.This will be the crux of ever having a chance at saving your marriage.Contact with that person can never occur again.If you truly want your marriage and think your wife is so special you will abide by that.

Read up on all the concepts here,read some posts,check out our bookstore and start forming a NC letter once you tell your wife.Also,when you do let her know about us and we can help her too.

One other thing for now: you may or may not "get past" this quicker than your wife would when she finds out so you will have to be patient,very patient with her.She will be crushed but you cannot keep this lie to yourself.It's wrong,it will erode your marriage and eat you up inside.

We can help so I hope you will stay with us.

O

Eddie -

You need to tell your wife. Once you do you will feel a huge weight lifted off your shoulders. It's amazing how liberating that feels.

I agree with WAT - change priests, his advise is wrong. The longer you keep this to yourself, the worse it will be, for both you and your wife. I know from personal experience, don't let your wife find out about this on her own.

Ed,

See if you can send that priest of yours here. Some of us Catholics want to have a talk with him.

Yo Eddie - a lot of folks are standing by to help you and your wife.

It's a sign of strength to seek help. Weakness runs away.

WAT