Hello LM,

After reading GrovetuckyOhio's post titled "I Guess It's Time To Move On," I would like to ask you something if I may. (Apologies if this has been asked before - I don't remember seeing it.)

You divorced your WW pretty quickly after discovering her infidelity. If you had known about the MB concept of "Plan B" at the time, would you have tried that before going to "Plan D" (divorce?)

Any other BS in a similar position, please feel free to jump in.

Thank you,
Mulan

Mulan:

That is a good question. I don't know the TRUE answer to that. You can always say "if I knew then, what I know now" but I don't know in the end if it would have made any difference. My EX-W is still living a life that I could never see myself wanting to be a part of.

I would advise someone who is wanting to do Plan D, to do PLAN B in conjunction with preparations for PLan D (if that is what they want). There is nothing to lose at this point, and alot to be possibly gained. I probably wish I would have done Plan B just to know what might have happened..........perhaps there would have been some divine intervention...but I think not. Please remember that I have NO KIDS and am financially independent. Those are 2 very very big factors that shape what people do when put in these situations.

I think the problem with Plan B (a brilliant idea no less) is that the MAJORITY of people here just don't fully implement it. A "modified" PLan B, or a "plan B with exceptions" is IMHO more detrimental to one self. I think many people here do the PLan B as a sort of extension of their Plan A with the EXPECTATIONS of bringing the WS back. They inevitably are NOT ready for the very real outcomes of a TRUE PLAN B, and inevitably go back to a Plan A/PLan B hybrid sprinkled in with many LB dysfunctional way of living all in an effort to stave off a divorce to their ongoing cheatign WS. Nothing wrong with that if that is what they want. They give in too easily with a shocked WS and inevitably suffer more betrayals. Hey, but what do I know?

In the end, I could only accept ONE BETRAYAL. I forgave it once (never believed that I could even do that) , but I know that I could not/would not forgive it again...and that is what hapened. At that point, I do not think Plan B would have changed anything for me. I have no regrets of what I did.

I have reconciled everything that happened and am happier now than I have ever been in my entire adult life. I also had the good fortune to not have to think of innocent children who would suffer the fallout from all of this NO MATTER waht decision would have been made. This is just ME, and obviousy many here would beg to differ.

I hope this answered your question.

Cheers,

LM

Imagine that?
Two of my favs conversing.

Good question Mulan.

And you didn't disappoint me in your response sour male.
(Just for your info, I prefer sour dude ...but that may not be to your liking).

However, I like that you agree with me .....that if someone is already prepared for Plan D, then what do they have to lose by attempting a Plan B??

NOTHING ....yet they may gain back what they had thought they'd lost.

I also agree that NOT MANY actual "do it" in the full and effective manner.
Too bad really, as all their doing is Cheating themselves.

In any case:
Its always Nice to know that I'm NOT alone in my "view" of things around here.

Take care to Both of you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, LM and Top Rope, for your responses.

That was my thought, too - Grovetucky *does* have a small child but wants to go straight to Plan D. Not that I blame him, but why not try the Plan B while setting the D in motion? His WW is following the script to the letter. That's why I think a good Plan B might scare the daylights out of her.

Grove, the one thing that jumps out of all of your posts is that you seem to think your situation is different and unique. We are trying to tell you that it's not. Your WW is very, very typical. Others just like her (and even more bull-headed) have changed their tune drastically with a good dose of pitch-black Plan B.

Check Mortarman's threads, for one.

Do you really think a few weeks of Plan B would be harder on your daughter than going through a divorce?? Newsflash: There is no such thing as an "amicable" divorce -- not when infidelity *and* children are involved.

Please think about this.
Mulan

I am just like LemonMan in that I would tolerate ONE betrayal - maybe - but certainly not TWO. One betrayal might be chalked up to an aberration of character, two would be harder to not attribute to a character issue.

Either way, I would never be interested in staying a marriage with someone who did this twice. Someone like that has no business being married, IMO, and should be single. So, if my H did it twice, I would accommodate him with a quick divorce.

Me too Mel. Me too.

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

[color:"red"]***OFF TOPIC threadjack***

I am watching the TV news and I just saw Iron Mike Tyson weigh in for his fight wearing 'tighty-whities' .... I can't remember ~ever~ seeing a fighter weigh in in his underwear before !!!

Am I hallucinating?[/color]

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Well, I hope you covered your eyes as a proper lady would! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

noooooo

I was fascinated by his tattoos! Have you seen him recently?

He has a BIG face tattoo similar to the ones I saw on men in Tahiti ....

Man, Tyson is strange....

I'm just saying....

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Around his eye and forehead?

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

NOT that I care.............BUt it is cool that someone is actually threadjacking MY THREAD.....usually it is me who is doing the threadjacking...kewl.

LM

LOL Lemonman! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

LM .... you're just not that interesting

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Hahahahahahahhaaaaaa

just kiddin'

love'in yew doctor

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

My only regret about an almost letter-perfect Plan B is that I did not block his email address earlier. I kept thinking he might have something useful I needed to hear. Not.

Pep:

I gotta admit, I fell for it. It is all good. I would have really liked working with you in a clinical situation. It would be a blast (although you probably would not have liked my demands that all RN's I work with get me coffeee in the morning....j/k... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)


Sourdude, MD

That boy is buttugly, Pep! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

LM...

"coffee, tea, or me?"

LOL

Before there was medicine ... there was Pan AM .... yes, that was ME in Catch Me If You Can wearing a PAA uniform ... well, not really ... but it was me .... in the freakin' 1970's !!!!! WOW I am old!

I love joking around at work ... takes pressure off the stress big time.

Pep

I like hypothetical...

Given my mind frame at the time I think if I had no kids, knew about plan B I would have probably tried plan B. When this all happened I truly did not want a divorce or any of this. There was also financial risk by not moving so aggressively with a D but I don't think that would have been enough influence to keep me from plan B. The kids was really what moved me agressively into plan D. WW was making (very) scary decisions and I wanted to protect them and make sure I wasn't going to be left holding nothing. I knew what was at stake.

Even if I did a full blown Plan B... In retrospect, I think I would have ended up at the same outcome regardless though. There are some huge fundamental issues I have which I do not think I could work through. If it was an EA only I think I might have been able to look past it (not sure, but maybe). But it was a PA, and with a MM. This is really hard to take. This MM has W and a S. I think about them alot and how my marriage destruction has turned their life upside down too. I am so disgusted with my WW for doing this I don't even have words to describe it. I just don't think I could get past it. I have no respect for her even as a person not just for what she's done to me, but what she's done to others. I think it would haunt me for eternity if we were to stay together. She also to this day has made no admission that she has done anything wrong or accepted any responsibility for the outcome. Basically I don't want to be married to someone like that. To me that's not what marriage is about, and it just goes against so much of what I believe in. I'm not "in at all costs".

If G. wants to go to Plan B by all means he should. But don't go into it as a pre-plan D. Go in to it completely as plan B. He has to want to save his marriage, if he doesn't then I think things can be done better, differently.

Of course a healthy marriage is the best for the kids, but that just isn't possible in all cases. Even if WW completely changed back to the woman I married I don't think our marriage would ever again be healthy. To me that was the cost of the infidelity.

Great topic! Thanks for starting it.

Cheers,

Miker