My H emailed pictures of his penis to an old, female friend. This is a friend that he happens to have prior sexual relationships with (before our marriage). This friend is also married.

My H's explanation. He was chatting with her online and talking about how he felt controled. They started joking about ways he could get into trouble and emailing nude photos was one of the things that came up. He took it like a dare and did it.

Do I buy that explanation? Not really. My husband is a very private and modest person when it comes to his body and this is not something that he would do lightly.

I don't know what to do. He has admitted that what he did was wrong and extremely hurtful but he does not agree that it is infidelity. I think it is. I think that he shared an extremely intimate part of himself that is supposed to be reserved for me with another person. To me, that is infidelity. He does not see it that way.

I guess what I would like to know is; What do people that have experienced infidelty think about labeling this action as infidelity?

I would ask him what he "thought" was infidelity and to sit down with you and each make a list.

I think his "showing a penis to an old girlfriend" will be on that list once he reads yours: #1. Send photo of my vagina to an old boyfriend.

You H is in the EA stage of this "friendship" (it's not a friendship). So I think in his mind he hasn't "crossed the line"...yet.

I will say a prayer for you that he'll wise up and not hurt you and your relationship any further.

holiday

mererae,

holiday was right on the mark. Your husband is in an EA right now. He has shared something very private with a person outside of the marriage without your knowledge. He is also telling this person negative things about his relationship with you (talking about how he feels controlled).

Either of these things by themselves are enough to justify suspicion. Together they can not be ignored.

Please study the information available on this site. Learn about Plan A and how to execute it. Let the good folks here help you get your marriage back on track.

At this point your chances of repairing your marriage are excellent. You found this site just in time.

My prayers are with you.

Cruz

The above posts are right on the mark. A couple of further steps you may want to take, are to install a keylogger on your computer, and you'll be able to "verify" any future contact they may have by computer, and, check his cell phone records and see if perhaps there's been a lot of contact between them via cell phone.

These are taletale signs he's on the slippery slope, and you don't really know what stage of development this may be in. Contact with prior relationship partners are dangereous, and these forums are filled with situations not unlike yours, which develop into full blown affairs (pun intended).

Taking these steps will give you assurance it's "nothing" to worry about, or "something" your gut feelings have given you brilliant insight too!!!

Best wishes,
SD