After a 4-year affair, my husband asked me if I'd come back. He met many ENs for three months and we were so happy, but when he couldn't meet SF, it came out that he still had telephone contact with the OW. He even admitted he had discussed his lack of sexual desire for me with her--OUCH! Yesterday I told him to call me when he had decided once and for all to end his relationship with her. I guess it's kind of a Plan B approach. I know how badly he wanted our relationship to work -- he so proudly introduced me as his wife to his new friends and neighbors and told them I would be moving in in the fall. I also know that OW is alcoholic and abusive -- when they were together they may have had great sex, but he had to call the police on her and spent many nights sleeping on neighbors' couches or in a hotel to get away from her.

I wonder if it would help for me to try to fill some of his ENs to the extent I can without cracking up? Or should I just leave him be this time and let him come when he's good and ready?

Dear Member, welcome to MB’ers although I’m sorry you need to be here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> However, you’ve found the right place for help and advice and there are many good & caring people on these boards who’ve experienced the same pain & devastation from betrayal than you and who will be able to help & support you through this… Hope you will hear from them soon.

In the meantime, here is some links you will find helpful:

Plan A and Plan B

WAT's Quick Start Guidelines for Betrayed Spouses

Bob's Newly Betrayed Spouse MB Toolkit

Blessings,
Suzet

I wouldn't try and meet his EN at this point, that isn't why he is doing this. I would just cut off contact. He is clearly not done with his affair and if I were you, I would stay clear of that mess. He wasn't being honest when he said he was done with his affair. He just wants to get his needs met in two places at your expense.

Thanks for the advice.

I felt very strong yesterday after telling my WH to make up his mind. Then today I re-read some of the Marriage Builders Plan A and Plan B information, and got scared that I'd been too harsh, that I should instead do Plan A or else he would fall back into the arms of the OW, whom he has not seen for three months (although he's talked on the phone). That would be an even bigger setback. So I called him today and backpedaled a bit. He had planned to come visit this weekend, and yesterday I withdrew the invitation. Then today I told him that it had been rude for me to withdraw it and that he was welcome to come over. But he agreed that it's best we cancel those plans for this weekend.

So I'm afraid that it'll be over for good if I push him back into the arms of the OW -- after all they had a four-year relationship, which isn't trivial. But if I don't stick to my guns, there's a risk he won't respect me.

I'm nervous...

member1326