Hi, I am new here. My husband knows nothing about this. I am doing this all on my own. We have been married for 4 years. He is 36, I am 46. In the last 2 years he has cheated on me 3 times that I know about. I forgave him each time and stayed with him. But this is the situation now........

I am an alcoholic. He knew this when we married. In the last few months my drinking has gotten steadily worse and then last night I went off the deep end. I got totally plastered and finally right before I passed out I attacked him! This morning when I woke up I couldn't believe he was still here. Honestly if things had been turned around I would have been gone as soon as I could. But he is or was still here.

I lived in an abusive marriage for 81/2 years and this morning I woke up thinking that I was no better than the man that use to beat me. That made me sick. How have I become that sort of person?

My first step this morning was to call and set upcounseling for myself. I don't feel at this point and time I can ask him to go to counseling with me. This is the first step I have to take on my own.

My next step is to find an AA meeting somewhere and get back into AA.

I told my husband this morning that I want nothing more than to be able to turn back the clock to 4 years ago and have the marriage we had then, but I know that can't be done.

Right now he has gone for a walk. He's been gone about an hour now. I don't know if he will be back or not. Can't say that I blame him if he doesn't return.

Thanks for listening. Done

Babygirl

I think that I would tell him that there is no excuse for what you have done. You realize that you have a serious problem and that you realize you need outside help. Tell him you have set up an appointment with Dr. So and SO at 2:00 on Thursday (or whenever it is) and you are also going to go to the AA meeting at (whereever) at (times) on days. Go to the meetings even if it may not be the right group. If it isn't, go to another one. But go to one Everyday for at least a month (or whatever is recommended). Do it. Show him that your actions match your words. No excuses. Tell him that what you have done is inexcusable and you understand he has the right to leave, but that you are going to do these things whether he does or not and you hope (I assume you do hope?) that he will be here to see it. Because he deserves a better you . You deserve a better you.

After you get yourself under control, then you can work on your marriage. But even marriage builders doesn't work if there is alcohol abuse. That has to be dealt with first. You have to have a strong "babygirl" before anything else can happen.

Thanks for your response. I completely agree that I have to fix the alcohol problem first. And I have made the appointment with the counslor. My husband knows this.

He did come back and we have sat down and a long calm talk. I can't get to an AA meeting today for there is none close enough for me to go to. But when all else has failed I am a member of an excellent online AA group and I have been online for most of the morning with them. I know nothing is as good as a face to face meeting, but for now at least this is a start.

Like my "other" family told me work ona sober me and the rest will take care of itself.

thanks again.

babygirl BTW that is my husbands nickname for me not something I gave myself