I did a 2 year RCIA study prior to my baptism and entry into the church.

Get this... while I was doing RCIA, my H was deep in his affair (I had no idea). This is the good part ---> my WH was my sponsor! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

So I was baptised during Easter time, and D-day was the day after Christmas later that same year. I was furious because I felt that his sin as my sponsor somehow took away some of the 'grace' I felt during the ceremony.

This took me awhile to overcome. I needed to mature into my faith before I stopped resenting my perception that he soiled my spiritual life. But, get over it I did.

I just read what you wrote about your W being a WW during her RCIA class ... and I think she had to become very compartmentalized in order to do this.

Affairs really are ugly and evil. So corrupting.

Pep<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Pep: "Affairs really are ugly and evil. So corrupting."

AP: Understatement of the century.

She was a WW not only during the class but for five years afterward. We would go to Mass as a family on Sunday and she met with OMM on Monday. (Torn Asunder has some things to say about this religious conflict of a WS. But I'll pass on the rehash of that, for now.)

But, it was not just religious and moral compartmenting. She was able to lie convincingly and consistently through intensive MC, to her IC, me and even to OMM himself during the year after D-Day 1 (five years into the A.)

I've posted before that many times she cried real tears while telling me she was so sorry, she knew what she had done and how much it hurt me and she would never do it again. All while actively still seeing OMM.

And not only that, she used many $K worth of corporate/work resources to facilitate and camouflage the A. And she is one of the executives in charge of ethics compliance!

I would go crazy living like she did for as long as she did.

It's of one of my R misgivings, actually. She really may be off in some way.

It's all way beyond my comprehension. I sometimes feel so, so stupid because I can’t understand any of it.

My H sung in the choir, went to weekly practices, and took communion every Sunday during his last A. What a good hypocrite. He would say they practiced longer then normal many weeks on Wednesday evenings to have phone convos with OW.

My H compartmentalised for seventeen years of marriage. An underlife of prostitutes, internet 'relationships' and affairs was managed without the faintest trace being shown on the surface. It was as if he could be two different people. I'm still stunned by how he managed to move within this 'above-ground' life without the guilt ripping him to pieces, and with nothing of the other life showing through.

But I guess some of the answer came when the truth was revealed to members of his family. The reaction was not horror at what he'd done, but curiosity as to his modus operandi and how he'd gotten away with it. The fact that he could lead two lives was questioned by no-one; they were mainly concerned about the fact that he'd put himself in a vulnerable position and could 'lose everything'. I've formed the impression that the family motto is "Just don't get caught..."

So I think that compartmentalisation is something that starts early, and may well have been taught and encouraged by the family. It must therefore be a hard habit to break, unfortunately.

TogetherAlone