I am going to try to tell this story as best I can -- but I am so full of emotion right now it is difficult to type so it may not make alot of sense. In a recent post I expressed my thoughts that for some reason I was unsure about recovery and that I had made the wrong choice. But H has been so dedicated that I thought it was just fear of the future eating away at me mixed with annoying email from the OW. Well as all BS know -- listen to your gut. So I did. When I found my H work laptop opened and accessible while he was out of the house, I did some snooping. What I found devastated me.

I found emails from a few days before Christmas -- "you are so beauiful" "guess what I got you for Christmas" "I am right here at home looking at your pic -- Beth is out shopping" "I like it when you bite me", etc. It seems that we moved away in Aug/Sept. and I was under the impression that H had NC w/OW, that wasn't the cas afterall. I agreed to be the contact person pertaining to the pregnacy for 9 months! I receieved every doctor visit, ultrasound, etc. email and passed info on to H. As any of you who have done this know -- it is horribly painfully to experience the pregnacy of another woman w/ your H baby. But H had convinced me (we were in MC) that he was working hard on the M. Now after yesterday's discovery -- the real facts are out. H didn't stop C until 2 -3 weeks before baby was born. (not only email C but he was in her town for business at least 1 time a month and seeing her and continuing to sleep with her) So yet again -- I was used and made a joke. But this is it. As Mily's signature line says on her posts "the destruction of Mily must end" I now say "the destruction of Beth ends here." According to H (which oddly enough I believe this to be true) he experienced an awaking in Feb. and everything since then has been real. But this isn't enough for me. I have let him back in too many times(once after original DDay[May 04] and once after discovering pregnacy [July 04] and once after I learned C had continued [Aug 04]) He may have really changed now but it is too late for me and this M. I have heard the same excuses and tears 3 previous times. Why should I allow myself to be subject to the chance of this happening again?

BTW -- our 11th anniversay is June 18th and June 25th was scheduled to be our Renewal of Vows ceremony. So this should be a fun month. The above compounded with the fact that I now am in a different state and have to find out if I have to go back to TX to file for D and then proceed in diong so. I have also been a SAHM for 8 years and now need to get to work finding a job -- I am an elementary teacher so the window of opportunity for next school year jobs is quickly closing. I can't afford to waste any time with that. So like I said this is going to be quite a month!

Beth

I'm so sorry to hear the your hubby has continuyed to lie to you. I will never undertstand why they continue to lie. For that matter why they would contine A and honestlt expect recovery to occur in the M. I hope, pray that you WONT be renewing your vows. It's seems bit pointless at this juncture. If you decide to stay I'd wait a few more year for H to prove himself to you and your family.

I'm so sorry TTMIW, I can imagine how devastating that knowledge can be. It sounds like your H was on the fence obviously. I don't understand that, but from these boards I know it happens. I think you are right in trying now to prepare for the worst. I would wait to make any final decisions however. Maybe you and H could address all of this in counseling. I know sometimes it takes time for WS to let go of other person. I don't know if H was sleeping with OW after we had decided to work on our marriage. I know he denies it, but I also found out that he was still seing her in group settings and talking to her on the phone. I had thought "it's over" meant, NC. I realized that wasn't the case. He was trying to "not be a jerk" and tell her to go away, because they were friends and he now had this "responsibilty". As things progressed between us, I would ask "have you seen her", "talked to her" and I would get "yes" this or that. I was floored! How can you say you are working on us when you still talk to her! I had to tell him to tell her that she needed to leave him alone. WHY!!?? Wasn't that OBVIOUS. Anyway, looking back on all that still hurts, that I was assuming things that weren't true. Obviously, what your H did was a bit more, but maybe in counseling you can talk about it and get a better understanding of where his brain was at and find out if he's really changed and if this is something that both of you can honestly do. I feel so bad for you, I'm sure it's like D-Day all over again. Take care of you now and keep an open mind if not an open heart. Sometimes I think if my H could honesly feel the devastation he has caused in my heart he would have never done this in the first place. I know there's nothing I can say to make you feel better. But maybe by making arrangements to not make yourself feel trapped, by getting a job, filing for separation, letting H know YOU are on the fence and HIS actions will dictate the outcome of your marriage will make you feel more powerful and assured in the decisions you make. HUGS!

{{{{Beth}}}}
Just a qick note to send you {{{hugs and prayers}}}
My heart is aching with you right now ...
Have you talk to your H? Does he knows about this?

Calm down ... easier said than done <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> ... be strong Beth ... talk to him and tell him how hurt you are ... yes, it is another D-day <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
For me, everytime (3), that I told him to leave .. I hit hard bottom ... but I got up every time ... after the last time, when I went to OW's house and he was there after he had said he was going to work <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I did a very short Plan B for three weeks ...

I don't know what to tell you ... {{{hugs}}} ... think a lot about what you are going to do ... I'm so sorry Beth ... I don't want to be a downer and I'm probably just mirroring (sp?) some of your feelings, but may be that move is not a good idea ...

Keep strong ... keep strong ... keep strong ...

Mily,
I am not planning to go through with the move at all. I plan to stay here in MS where my family can help me. I know it will be hard for the kids and H to live 9 hours away from one another but I don't see any other way right now.


I have talked to H. He swears that he had an "awakening experience" and he immediately cut things off completely (about 3 weeks before the baby). He has been quite different since the OC was born -- completely dedicated to me and could care less what she thinks,etc. He has cried and begged me not to get a D. He says he has problems that he can't even understand and that he was in it for the baby was what he was telling himself. But that all that is different now . . . Even if all of that is true he can not take back the pain I experienced being the "contact" during the pregancy and now finding out that the whole time they still were together. I HATE feeling like such a fool. Remember my "friends" I described in an earlier post -- well they will be laughing their a**es off that I was the joke once again and that he let me down again.

Oh well - my daughter's dance recital is in a little while -- gotta go primp up my little girl! I had to go to her dress rehearsal last night about 30 minutes after DDay2 confrontation. It was lovely as you could probably imagine. Unfortunately, the rest of the world refuses to stop to let me fully enjoy my misery. So here I go again -- off to suck it up and face the world!!!


Beth

Thanks coldday and calismile for your posts too. I just realized that I replied to Mily's questions but didn't mention you posts. There is great strength for me in the support of others on this board. I really appreciate your incite, experiences, advice and encouragement.

Thanks!

Beth, how are you doing?
I understand your feelings about your friends. Mine did exactly the same thing ... they didn't understand why I wanted to work on our relationship after A, OC and D ... they gossiped, they still do ... it hurt but it was just one more thing to deal with <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I've been thinking a lot about you ... I hope you are feeling better ... as everything else, you'll need time to grieve from this new information and to heal and decide if want to stay with your H or not ...
It will be huge test for your H to go back to TX and show to you that his change is for real ...

Thanks for checking on me Mily. I appreciate it.

Well, one week has gone by and the intial anger/hurt has subsided. However, I don't know if I really want to ever try again w/ WH. I don't feel up to giving him yet another chance. I had a nice week - until last night -- H was in TX for work. But returned last night. We spent the day today looking at houses - rental and inexpensive ones
- for me and the kids. It just confuses me so -- H wants to provide for us but I feel such a need for a clean break. However I have been a SAHM for 8 years so I have no resources to obtain a place to live unless I go ahead and file. But at the sametime I am scared to death to file for D (not to mention I would have to get a loan from my parents). I just feel lke I would be the World's Biggest Fool to ever try again. I don't want to wake up 5-10 years from now in a sitch where I discover yet again there has been an A.

On the other hand, things w/ OW have never been better. H claims all contact stopped in mid-Feb. Based on his behavior since that time I believe that to be true. ANYWAY -- so I have been main contact for OW since Sept.(of course half that time it was only a charade). Last Sat. I emailed and told her that I no longer needed to be involved in H and her C so I was blocking her from my email and she was now free to email or call H at any of his numbers. So she has called H work several times leaving messages and has sent him several emails. All saying "Are you ok?,etc" but he has IGNORED(finally - what I have begged of him for a year) her. It is killing her - so she continues to try to contact him. So today I open my email to find an email from her --- she went to the trouble to form another address to get past my block. Of course, all she wanted was to see if H and I were working things out or not because if we were she didn't want to break her promise to contact him through me --- AWWWW, she is so d*mn sweet and sincere I'm sure <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Obviously she doesn't think he has told me of her numerous attempts to reach him. H asked me to please ignore her as any attention to her taked the focus off what is really important - our M.

Just for humor - here's something unbelievable . . . She emailed him asking him to pay for half of a swing she wanted to buy the baby. WTF? She gets $650 a month plus healthcare and she thinks H should pay half of a toy!!! Can't imagine what crap whe would pull about Christmas/Birthday! She is an IDIOT!!!

Which leads me to a new development - H has decided regardless of how things work out between us that he wants NC w/OC. He wants to wait until he is an adult and deal with it then. He thinks OW is too much to deal with.

The friend thing does stink - like you said just something else to handle. I just hope they don't lurk on here keeping up with my business. I thought of that the other day - a couple "friends" knew I lurked/posted on MB. SO I hope they never looked here for me.

Ok - well, I think I brought you up to speed on everything. Hope it wasn't too long and drawn out.

Beth

I hope everythign can work out for you 2. I know it must be such a confusing time. I can't imagine, well of course I can, infortuenately.

I hope you 2 can find it in your hearts to finally ahve a marriage you dream of. Loving each other. Hopefully it is not too late for your H.

YOu have good reasons for stayign & I don't think you would be a fool, FWIW, I still believe in LOVE!

Take care of yourself.

Funny how OW is ALL interested in if you 2 are stayign together or not, obvious ploy, because either way..waht does that have to do w/ YOU? LOL

Stay strong.

I know you mentioned MC in the past right? Have you thought of the Harleys, I hear they are worth it. just an idea.

sincerely,
kt

Thanks KT for your email. I was feeling really ready to give up today - so your encouragement came at the right time. I received a voicemail from the OW in response to the email I sent pointing out her obvious ulterior (sp)motives disguised as concern for our M and that she should seek counseling for her issues. As you can imagine, her voicemail was anything but friendly and left me full of anger and frustration at her and at my H for getting us in this disaster in the first place.

I really want to believe H is being truthful (but let's face it, his track record stinks) and I am glad he has admitted that he thinks he has a sexual addiction and is seekng help for it. So maybe things can work out.

I think I will check into the Harleys like you mentioned -- definitely worth looking into.

Thanks again for your encouragement.

My own d-day is only five weeks ago and at that time my wife told me she had broken off the affair. Found out yesterday that she was lying and was still in contact with her Partner in Adultery. Definately telephone, maybe more. I don't want to hijack this thread since I can absolutely relate to trying's pain. I'm thinking when do you know enough is enough?

Sorry to hear that,Campdog. At least we both know we are not alone. If you figure out when enough is enough and it is time to move on, please let me know!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />