I have always had a great deal of trouble when it comes to my husbands FOW, I have always had a lot of hate towards her, and although I've never prayed for anything bad to befall her, I've certainly wished that it would.

I think part of the problem is the tape that I have of the conversation between my husband and the OW, although I've only listened to it 2 times, right after I got it, I can tell you every little thing that was said on that tape, and bits and pieces of it play back in my mind nearly everyday.

Well last night I couldn't sleep, and began to think about that dang tape again, and then I stopped myself, and thought, I am never going to be rid of this until I forgive her. So I prayed. I prayed that God would come into her life, that he would give me the strength to forgive her. I prayed that God would touch my husband's life and lead him to salvation. I prayed that the tears that I had cried would not be in vain. I asked these things in Jesus Christ's name, and I feel so much better today. I feel peaceful.

Today, with God's help, I forgive her. I no longer wish terrible things to befall her. Today, with God's help, I release her from my anger. I hope that she finds what she is looking for and that no other family will be touched by infidelity at her hands. Today I am whole again.

-Caren

Caren,
that is beautiful. And I believe that is what we all have to do. I have been praying similar prayer about OM. For God to touch his life so that he might see the light and stop having a hand in destroying other's lives. So that he might seek and find true happiness without harming others. If we pray for the salvation of those who have harmed us, I believe that it is one of the most powerful statements of our beliefs that can be made. I have to believe that praying for those who have harmed us is the very last thing that Satan wants us to do. I am all for that!



"You gotta have a good imagination,
If you are gonna live a life of hope"
Jack Ingram

Caren,

That is wonderful.I am glad that you can relaese the feelings you had for the OW.I am not there yet and may never be.Afterall,it seems that from reading here those that are so much more capable of forgiveness to the OP and WS are those that are on the road to recovery.

For me,a woman whose life,marriage and family was shattered and who now has to continue on without my H and a Father to my children,without a marriage that I held dear to my heart and broken families all around,etc, wll, I just don't have it in me.As the two of them are probably deciding which B&B to stay at this weekend while I am home caring for the children on my own as a now single Mom dealing with all the problems and issues of children and home and family health,and for the two of them who feel justified in what they are still doing for their own selfish purposes and care not for the wake of destruction they laid,I have no forgiveness for they are not truly sorry and have made no ammends.

What is your status now Caren? New job yet? Are you in recovery? I haven't read your thread in awhile.

O

October-

Well now, am I in recovery? That's a tricky question. I'm going to say that I am *Not* officially in recovery, no. I believe this has a whole lot less to do with my husband than I had previously thought. While I do need his participation to be in recovery, what is more important is that I am not sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time, which is what I've been doing.

I'm going to say that I am *Moving towards recovery*, that is my goal, and oddly enough, it's been me that's been hindering it. I was hell bent that things should be getting back to normal, I had all these pre-conceived goals and was getting very disappointed when my husband wasn't meeting them.

I am currently working on my personal recovery, as no marital recovery is going to work while I'm still running around feeling like a victim.

Today I'm no longer a victim, to my husband's affair, or to myself and my destructive thoughts.

I believe everything happens for a reason, and although we may not understand that reason at the time, I believe that it will become clear eventually.

October, you are a wonderful person, you are a great mother to your kids, and you are so strong. This too will pass, and happiness is waiting for you.

-Caren