My husband recently told me that he cannot get over hurt he has felt due to my withdrawal. He travels almost all the time and over time I've been hurt because I never came first. He did try to make it up to me many times, but I never felt like he was serious about making real change. I now know I was wrong and I'm very sorry and ashamed. I've been trying to help him heal for several months and he cannot get past it all. Last night everything came to a head. I thought we'd made some progress the last few weeks, but in his mind there has been no improvement in his feelings. He says he still loves me and there has been no infidelity. This morning he left our home and will be gone indefinitely. He doesn't know how long he will need to get his mind cleared. He felt like he was constantly pushed into a corner by me when he was home and when we communicated regularly on the phone when he was out of town. He said he feels that if he can get some time on his own with no distractions from me he will sort this out. He says he doesn't want a divorce, but can't go on like he is. We don't argue and we do treat each other with compassion and respect. I love him with all my heart and want him to be happy.

Has anyone had a similar experience with separation? How do I cope with the uncertainty? How can I help him if I don't have contact with him?

I know this isn't goingto make you feel any better, but H and I separated under similar circumstances. I did change, but not until after he left and then he was unable to see it and learned to live w/o me. My H eventually had and A that resulted in a child. The cues for me were many, but one was he could never "find time" for our MC appointments.

I would make a plan about what each of you needs in the marriage and what you're going to do to meet those needs. Make date nights, go to marriage counseling. I think you need to be active on working through things or H could find he doesn't "need" you and will be vulnerable to outside attention. I only say this because at some point although I knew "something was up". I was under the impression he just needed time to sort things out in his head. I don't think there was anything I could do to change his thinking at that point, but I think being separated made it harder to "connect". Obviously, I don't have the answers, but make sure your "really attractive" to him when you do see him, of course, not just in the physical way, but show him what a loving attractive partner you can be and try to get some help in MC. Don't mean to scare you, just what I was relating to. Good Luck!! HUGS

There is more traffic on the Emotional Needs board or the General Questions II board. You might get more help on either of those boards than you will get here.