Ok so we've been in a type of recovery .. maybe. i dont even know anymore. like i've said b/4 i've had no proof of concrete contact since last sept. i have proof of attempeted contact about 2 months ago. and in between i have a few suspious things... NOthing concrete... Things have gotton about 80 percnet better between us he has been warm and loving! it has been great for about a month now. Then last week he started saying how bad he wants to quit and find another job etc. then he was still in a great mood all week etc then today he has been distant , he didnt call home at all etc. just wierd. then this evenign i called to ask what he wanted me to bring home for dinner (me and the gilrs go out to dinner on sat. our ritual and hes at work so we bring him something home) he wanted nothing even though he hadnt eatin all day......... so i offer to pick him up shrimp.. HIS FAV> he declines. says he'll find something at home.. i was worried i even called back b/c he sounded so down... well then i got out to dinenr we decide to rent movies al l week he has been talking about all the new movies he wanted to rent. i call him ask hwat he wants to rent he said NOTHING>>.. i was mystified. i just said ok... and went to the blockbuster. i get home and i get this email from him:


"I was thinking about stopping by Hagii's after work for like an hour, today was his wedding and everyone is going to be there like anshel and everyone that I used to work with. "


Now the reason this is bothering me is a few things
1. he does not go out with his friends a lot and the only time he really had thing slike this to do all the time is when he first started wtih OW>
2. he cant even tell me to my face/on the phone he emails it to. hes talked to me at least twice since he emailed it and still coudlnt tell me. (he does this w/everything though he never can tell me face to face... but he was supposed to be working on this
3. i know he'll be later then an hour and he works an hour away from home and hes stayin gan hour late. so he is supposed to get off at 7. if he does only stasy an hour he wont be home till like ten. i guranetee he'll be later.
4. just the way he was acting today has been bothering me and i have no way to know if he is really where he says he is oging.


now what od i do? NOrmally i'd through a fit. wine about hwo i dont want him to go etc. but i've been wokring on myself and am trying to do the healthiest thing for me! i really only have 2 options.
1. say nothing and wait till he comes home then prentend nothing ever happend
2. say nothing but when he coems home let him know i'm upset ( this will probalby backfire...)


any ideas suggestions PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why don't you tell him how you feel in a non-threatning way...almost with eerie calm. He is probably expecting you to flip out, so DON'T.

BY the way, I think you have serious problems on your hands with him.

This all sounds very fishy. Trust your gut, it is obviously telling you something. Don't flip out and whine and blow your cover, but actually "be nice" so as to subconsciously encourage him to let his "his guard down". If he is cheating, and you really want to catch him (and not stay in denial, like many of US do) YOU will. All cheaters are eventually caught.

LM

I agree. i dont know what is going on.. but i've come along way . iwant though a real suspoiuos anxious peroid where every thing he saisd/move he made was suspious to me and i made myself sick daily over it i've come a long way by realizing that i was only hurting myself. he tried calling while we were at blcokbuster but didnt leave a message.

i've said it before but i dont know what is going on if anything b/c all i DO know is that:. 1. he is not contacting her via cell phone
2. he is not contacting her via house phone
3. as of june 1 (i'm on summer break) he is not contacting her via computer..
4. he is never unaccounted for

What i dont know:
1. if he contacts her (phone/email) while at work.
2. if anything else really is going on

anothe rreason i'm worried is I think the people hes going to visit are friends with her.... I"m not sure.


i was kinda getting the feeling tha maybe something was going on like he was still involved with her and trhen she called it off or he did and was going through withdrawl (just the way he has been wit hwanting to quit again etc) and depressed soundign. but now this and i have no idea. and those things i dont kow i can not prove one way or another. so its kinda like living waiting for him to make a mistake.

even thought i'm trying to take care of me i definatly dont want to live in denial. i just have a bunch of hunches and no solid INFO

While i was putting the sheets on the bed he called again ( i missed the phone call) this tiem from his car... he mustve just left work. om the way to his "friends" house. NO message again. i wonder why he is calling so much now. oh well.

Yes, I wonder why also. It certainly cannot be because he is feeling guilty for anything or that he feels he better "soothe" things with you. Yeah, I agree with you..oh well. (hint: this was sarcasm by me).

LM

OK... so he called again (like the 6th time and i finnanly got to the phone..) he siad HI. all cheery.... i said hi.. he said did u get my email. i said yes.
I said where are u
he siad i'm almst there
i said: its been 45 min.. you only have 15 min left dont you (he siad he'd only bether an hour)
He said: i got lost on the way.
I said " oh how long do you plan on staying.
he said give me 30 min or so to hang out
I said will you have your phone on you.
he said yes
i said will you answer it
he said yes..
then we hung up...

he said he'd call me on his way home if i dotn hear from him in abo9ut 35 min should i call him. ( i have strong doubts he'd answer his phoen .... i dont know. itreid to be nice i'm sure he could tell i was agitated wtih the hole situation....................

Did he call you on your house phone or your cell phone?

Back when my H was going to see Cafe Woman at her restaurant, he would call me at either the office or home and ask, "Did you call me?" "No,"while thinking, "DUH! Look at your missed calls, Fella!"

I finally figured out that when he made those calls, he was actually on his way to either the bar or to Cafe Woman's restaurant. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

If he called on your house phone, it's possible that your H was checking to make sure you were at home and not checking up on him. Listen to your gut. Don't accuse, but start checking up on things. Just don't let him know you're checking.

Well he Knows i'm at home. i have the two kids and he knows that i couldnt get down there in time. and i dont like to drive that far in the dark (he works about an horu away) so i really couldnt be checking up on him

he called on my house phone. a bunch of times. he says he was just making surei had read his email and knew what was going on... I dont know why he called so much.

I just wonder if i did call him ihe'd answer his phone I dont think he would.b ut if i call and he did answer it or if he does leave in 30 min i'll feel more confident he was tleling the truth... if goes unaccounted for or he doesnt answer his cell... then hes in trouble!

i am trying to be nice.: no crying, no lecturin or any of what i' mknown for. but its far harder to hide the complete agitation in my voice..................

heres what happend basically. he jsut left aobut ten min ago so he was there about 45 min. i tried to call him. he said he didnt hear his phone ring. he said it was at a clubhouse and told about the pepole was there. ia sked if she was there. he said what does she have to do with anything. and he got fustrated. who knows. i'm still waiting fgor some type of evidence one way or another. i am angry at him..

Have you guys agreed to try the POJA?

If so, and you are not enthusiastic about him going to these friends then he should not visit the friends, period, or at least not without a negotiated agreement.

P.S. I know this is simplistic but you never know. One of my goals is to discover why the POJA doesn't work in situations like this.