Hi haven't post in sometime. This Is the update u could read some of my old posts. Wife filed for divorce last year. next month gots to go to hearing before the divorce I don't want to do this. Wife is still in the fog somewhat I don't know if om is still in the picture but she still works at the same job. Ok this what's going on now wife had to get some things from me this week while she was getting her things I was help her with the items she was giving me smiles but I kept calm and cool she brought the kids with her the kids were so happy to see us getting along. Then all of sudden the wife asks me if it something I need to tell her I said no. Then she tells me I could come by her place and pick up my things that she took when she moved out I told there's no need for me to go there. Then she gets mad and starts to argue with me in front of the kids and they get upset and iam just clam and didn't argue back. I don't know what to think any more I have a feeling the om is still there she still tells the kids to don't tell me anything. I still love her in my heart but I don't know if I can wait any longer. I want to stop the divorce it has cost me a lot of money and time and lost my job over it. I don't want to bother her because she will get cold feet. Iam still alone and can't take it anymore. Everybody telling me to move on since she cheating. Need advise.

Bump.

Hello eemd,

I don't know what to say - except all of this is really hard stuff for all of us. I'm a betrayed husband too. I'm ready to divorce. I moved out two weeks ago only. It's been a long long struggle - but after almost 7 years of marriage - in which OM was almost always somewhere present, I've had enough.

I don't remember your story. I've been on the MB forum for 4 years.

Sometimes I was gone for a few months - when things seemed to be going well.

Ups and downs - the roller coaster. If your D goes through, you'll be off that ride - and can find a new, and possibly better path. There is a time to give up.

-AD

Thanks my is about wife having affair withe her coworker. You could do a search I under my name and fiind my old topics. Iam try to make this work but it hard to do. I have been spending money on lawyers and they make worse. I am trying to make it work. I don't know what else to my kids tell me they don't want this to happen.

Thanks .my topic is about wife having affair withe her coworker. You could do a search under my name and fiind my old topics. Iam try to make this work but it hard to do. I have been spending money on lawyers and they make worse. I am trying to make it work. I don't know what else to do my kids tell me they don't want this to happen.

Why are you not in Plan B?

TMCM

Iam sure I am where can I find more info on plan b

Bump

I need help with this. I have to get rid of my lawyer because he wants me to rush the divorce. He wants to withdraw from my case because I don't want to go to a commissioners hearing. Which is to be held next month if I don't go he tells me that my wife will get divorce. What shall I do. He also sent letters wanting to leave the case before the commissioners hearing and wants me to sign for him to leave my case I will not sign anything. What do I do. I want to stop the divorce.

Have you talked to another lawyer about your situation?

TMCM

Lawyers want money just to talk this is my second lawyer that I have to get rid of because they want to rush things.

Can my post be move to the divorceing boards.

Anyone

EEMD,

I'm really surprised that your lawyer is pressing you to move on your D. This is usually NOT the case. They are supposed to represent and support you, not dictate and force the outcome. If you don't want the D to happen, I strongly suggest that you find another attorney ASAP, have him/her push out the court date as far as possible - maybe into next year, and do as TMCM suggested, which is Plan B.

You can find a lot of info on Plan B on this website. Read Harley's section on Infidelity. Basically, Plan B means you cut your W off completely. No communication, no emotional support, nothing. When you do communicate, keep it strictly to business matters (i.e. support for the kids, bills, etc.) nothing else. In the meantime, you need to work on YOU! Focus on improving yourself ... learn how to find happiness without her (or anyone for that matter). I know this is very difficult to do - esp. when the one you love is out of your life and, even worse, possibly with some scum bag out there, but you need to do this. If anything, do it for yourself!! I know this works because that's what made me turn around and go back to my H. When you get the chance, read the following thread:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post2720926

Note: My H knew nothing about Plan B. He was only doing this for his own survival. The indirect result was that it made me see the light and the error of my ways.

To sum it up: 1) Get a new attorney and push out the court date 2) Read up on Plan B and then do it and STICK TO IT! 3) Take a good look at yourself and ask - are there areas that I need to improve upon personally? What do I need to do to become independent and happy? Write these things down and then do it! Regardless if things do/do not work out b/t you and your W, you'll be a better person and will be prepared for whatever comes in life. There's nothing to lose!

Good luck to you. Hang in there!

eemd,

Listen to whisper28. The lady truly knows what she speaks of.

TMCM

P.S. You may be interested in reading these classic Notable Classic MB Threads.

Thanks whispher. This my second lawyer and both of them didn't want to fight no more all they did was make me and my wife fight. I don't have anymore money for a new lawyer I just lost my job from all of the time I had to take off to go back and forth to court. I cannot even pay child support that the court orderd because iam out of work and looking for more work.I never had to pay her child support now that the lawyers step in now I have to pay that. I never had a problem taking care of my kids. The lawyers are just making it worse is it a good idea to ask the wife to stop with going to court and to get rid of her lawyer. All of this has been going on since 01/04. Now the lawyers are saying the courts want to get this over. Help

Yes I been in plan b for awhile now. And iam out sight and out of the wife mind I guess. Which is not good I guess tell me if iam wrong.

EEMD,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. It must be so miserably difficult. As to your questions ...

"is it a good idea to ask the wife to stop with going to court and to get rid of her lawyer."

>You can certainly give that a try. However, I seriously doubt that your W will comply - esp. if she's still deep in her fog. With that said, your lawyer is obligated BY LAW to do as you request, so long as he/she is still retained by you. With this, I would encourage you to go back to your attorney, make him/her file for an extension. They do this all the time. I've known divorces that have dragged out for 3 years! Again, DEMAND that your lawyer extend the court date to early next year to buy you some time, and don't leave their office until they've agreed to do so.

In the meantime, PLEASE work on you! I know it's so hard right now, but you've GOT to find another job. I know this will sound very back-wards, but one of women's biggest emotional needs is to know that their husband is able to support them and the kids financially. Don't ask me why, but this is just how we operate. Even though I make a decent income and can support myself and my H, I still need to know that my H can take care of me. Having a job will 1) allow you to be self-sufficient 2) allow you to support your kids. Both of which will be very attractive to your W and thus give her an incentive to WANT to come back. As tough as things are, this is a real priority.

"And iam out sight and out of the wife mind"

>This may be the case early in an A when the OP seems to be meeting every EN that exists, but, generally, after a while, reality will kick in where the OP's habits, behaviors, values, expectations don't quite measure up to the WS's idea of "the perfect mate." That's when the WS will start to remember the good times of the M and reflect on how things were and do the comparison-contrast analysis. The good news is the human mind tends to work in a very bizarre fashion. When someone is not around, we tend to think of the good things, the happy memories. That's why they say "distance makes the heart grow fond." This may not always be the case, but I've seen it more frequently than not, and it certainly was the case for me!!!

So, there is hope here. Stay strong and hang in there!!

EEMD -

I just read all of your posts, and I couldn't agree w/ TMCM's comments above ...

"Why are you not in Plan B?"

Now that I know your sitch, I'm more convinced than ever that my suggestions to you are right-on ...

"1) Get a new attorney and push out the court date 2) Read up on Plan B and then do it and STICK TO IT! 3) Take a good look at yourself and ask - are there areas that I need to improve upon personally? What do I need to do to become independent and happy? Write these things down and then do it! Regardless if things do/do not work out b/t you and your W, you'll be a better person and will be prepared for whatever comes in life. There's nothing to lose!"

EEMD, what I've read tells me that you've let your W have all the control and dictate every outcome. Because you love her and don't know what to do, you've let her have her way hoping that she'll eventually come to her senses. Well, SHE HASN'T! After 2+ years of this, enough is enough! I strongly encourage you to take action and do what's right FOR YOU! Plus, if you keep allowing this A to drag out, you will eventually lose what little love you do have left for your W, and the M is doomed regardless. Then, all the time you spent hurting, waiting and hoping is completedly wasted. Don't let this happen! Please take my and TMCM's advice to heart. If your W's is smart, she'll come to her senses and turn around. If she doesn't, you'll still be better off because you've done things for yourself that will allow you to be stronger and more independent.

I wish you all the best,

Thanks whisper you're the best may god bless u.I hope I got a job today. As far as my old lawyer he wants to drop out of the the case. I hope I can get this job for I can get a new lawyer before next month. If not I guess iam going to lose. Thanks for reading my posts. As u can see it been a long hard time for me. I don't want this to happen but her lawyer is pushing for it to happen now since my lawyer is leaving the case. My lawyer tells me to let her go she(the wife) does not want me anymore. Is it possible to get legal aid. I though I was in plan b.