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Joined: Apr 1999
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A formal separation agreement spells out everything exactly who is responsible for what.
For example, when a formal separation agreement is signed, you would no longer be liable for any debts your wife incurs, unless it is spelled out on the agreement.
If she were to buy a car, the finance company could not come after you as her husband.
Likewise, if you were to win the lottery she would not get any of it.

Custody, child support & visitation is usually included in this also.

Joined: Mar 2005
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"Does fog ever go away."

>So long as the WS is w/ the OP, the fog will continue to be there (sorry). Often, the fog will still linger for a while even after the OP is completely out of the picture. That's why an A is perhaps the most damaging thing one can do to a M.

For me, it was a little different b/c I realized that I WANTED to be w/ my H, not the OP. Some said my A died of a natural death. I happen to think I just had a big reality wake-up call. Either way, it definitely helped me lift that fog pronto.

BTW - listen to Chris. A formal separation agreement is very good advice (for you and your kids) to take right now, considering the very insensitive actions of your WW!!


Whisper

FWW (me) 32 / BH 33
M - 12 yrs / 0 kids
EA/PA lasted 1.5 yrs
NC - 5/25/05 ... in recovery ever since!!!

"If you love something, set it free ..."
(Just glad I was smart enough to come back!)
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 236
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Got some good new today. Her attorney is droping out of her case because she has not been paying him got the letter today. Also I got legal aid hopefully they will assign someone to my case after they look it over. How do I get the op out of the picture. Thanks

Joined: Mar 2005
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"How do I get the op out of the picture."

Unfortunately, that's the decision that your WW has to make on her own. The hope is that if you stick to Plan B and continue to improve yourself in the interim, you give her enough reason that she'll want to come back. With that said, you also can't force your W to do anything. It is altogether possible that she's made up her mind and that she's going to leave no matter what you do. Again, the key is that you continue to work on yourself so that you're prepared for whatever curve ball life throws at you.


Whisper

FWW (me) 32 / BH 33
M - 12 yrs / 0 kids
EA/PA lasted 1.5 yrs
NC - 5/25/05 ... in recovery ever since!!!

"If you love something, set it free ..."
(Just glad I was smart enough to come back!)
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 236
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Thanks whisper you're the best. Hopefully now that her lawyer has droping out of the case it sould be easier with getting the court date to take longer. Do I go to the withdraw hearing.

Joined: Mar 2005
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If your legal aid attorney doesn't attend, then, yes, you probably should. It's always advisable that you are aware of everything that happens with your case.


Whisper

FWW (me) 32 / BH 33
M - 12 yrs / 0 kids
EA/PA lasted 1.5 yrs
NC - 5/25/05 ... in recovery ever since!!!

"If you love something, set it free ..."
(Just glad I was smart enough to come back!)
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 236
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Posts: 236
Whisper ex wife called today and wants me to give her the divorce because she is doesn't have money to go back forth to court. She still in the fog. She also ask me what iam I holding on to her for. What sould I do iam on my way to court now legal aid does not want the case.

Joined: Mar 2005
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"She also ask me what iam I holding on to her for."

>I think you need to look deep within yourself and answer this question. Then, you need to share the answer with your W. If, after you've shared the answer with her and she still won't return, then you need to really think about your decision to continue extending the D process. Unfortunately, there are times when a M is not salvageable. As we all know, it takes 2 to make a M work. You cannot make your W come back; she has to want to do this on her own. I'm so sorry that things have taken such a bad turn. I know you still love and care for your W deeply or you wouldn't go through all this pain. But, at what point do you tell yourself enough is enough? At what point do you move on with your life? Unfortunately, nobody else can answer these questions for you. Just remember, we'll be here to support you, no matter what decision you make.


Whisper

FWW (me) 32 / BH 33
M - 12 yrs / 0 kids
EA/PA lasted 1.5 yrs
NC - 5/25/05 ... in recovery ever since!!!

"If you love something, set it free ..."
(Just glad I was smart enough to come back!)
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 236
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Thanks. Well this what happen in court her attorney told the judge that he wanted out of her case beacuse she has not paid him in months. She did not show up. Judge told me to try and talk to her and he wish me luck. Also said if it does not work out I could come back to court. She is deeply in the fog..... She told me we will talk soon.

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Hard to read too much into her actions these days. My advice is still this ... (I know I'm cutting and pasting my own post, but my position still hasn't changed.)

I think you need to look deep within yourself and answer the question - why are you holding on to her? Then, you need to share the answer with your W. If, after you've shared the answer with her and she still won't return, then you need to really think about your decision to continue extending the D process. Unfortunately, there are times when a M is not salvageable. As we all know, it takes 2 to make a M work. You cannot make your W come back; she has to want to do this on her own. I'm so sorry that things have taken such a bad turn. I know you still love and care for your W deeply or you wouldn't go through all this pain. But, at what point do you tell yourself enough is enough? At what point do you move on with your life?

Let us know how your talk w/ your W goes. Good luck!


Whisper

FWW (me) 32 / BH 33
M - 12 yrs / 0 kids
EA/PA lasted 1.5 yrs
NC - 5/25/05 ... in recovery ever since!!!

"If you love something, set it free ..."
(Just glad I was smart enough to come back!)
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 236
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Thanks whisper. Hope u had a good july 4. Mines was a mess I was all alone. I didn't do anything. But thanks.

Joined: Mar 2005
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I'm sorry you had a lousy Fourth. Even though I couldn't get to the internet and check in, I did think about you and the good folks who are struggling. Hang in there. Don't think for a second you're alone!


Whisper

FWW (me) 32 / BH 33
M - 12 yrs / 0 kids
EA/PA lasted 1.5 yrs
NC - 5/25/05 ... in recovery ever since!!!

"If you love something, set it free ..."
(Just glad I was smart enough to come back!)
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 479
W
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 479
Hey, EEMD. How are you holding up?


Whisper

FWW (me) 32 / BH 33
M - 12 yrs / 0 kids
EA/PA lasted 1.5 yrs
NC - 5/25/05 ... in recovery ever since!!!

"If you love something, set it free ..."
(Just glad I was smart enough to come back!)
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 236
E
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 236
Iam holding up well I have my times when I feel lonely. And I what to find someone else. Update things are getting bad for wife. But I stay away .

Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 479
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When you feel lonely, post here. I find that when I'm just blue and trying to deal with my past, I can just post here and get the support I need to help me through the really rough spots.

Just keep in mind, you can be alone and not lonely. It is a state of mind. I hope you're doing the things that will help you improve as a person versus dwelling on this mess all the time. I know, it's much easier said than done, but keep in mind that it will help you become a stronger, better person, no matter what is the final outcome.


Whisper

FWW (me) 32 / BH 33
M - 12 yrs / 0 kids
EA/PA lasted 1.5 yrs
NC - 5/25/05 ... in recovery ever since!!!

"If you love something, set it free ..."
(Just glad I was smart enough to come back!)
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 236
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Thanks whisper I sure will post . iam takeing care of me and only me. Like I said iam starting to hear of some change in the wife but I still stay away.

Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 505
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Posts: 505
Hi my name is frank ...My ww left me 1.5 yrs ago......she is ready to have OM baby any day now.......she moved in with him jan 23rd 2004. is has been a hard road......they are trying to buy a house ....( she is still married to me and we are going bankrupt)they were going to closing on thursday but it was cancelled for some reason.....maybe it was due to the fact that they did not pay there landlord the last 4 months of rent....LOL the lord works in mysterest ways......they are living with some one now....we have an 11 yr old daughter together.....I see her every weekend FRi thu monday morning ....i think she owes her lawyer money too.......so sad so bad .....and yes i still love her very much........there is moreto my story .....

Joined: Mar 2005
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Frankd,

I'm starting a new thread for you. Please look for it.


Whisper

FWW (me) 32 / BH 33
M - 12 yrs / 0 kids
EA/PA lasted 1.5 yrs
NC - 5/25/05 ... in recovery ever since!!!

"If you love something, set it free ..."
(Just glad I was smart enough to come back!)
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 236
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 236
Well there will not be no divorce at this time. Wife could not pay lawyer so he drop out of the case. I have not talk to wife since her lawyer drop out of the case. I am staying away from her.

Joined: Nov 2003
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Hi whispher. How you're doing. Iam doing fine just lonely but hanging in there. I was talking to a coworker of mines and he's been where iam he and is wife are now back together. He tells me that it is my fault that my wife stray and that I sould do something to get back on track with her. He tells me to go to her and talk. What do u think. Also things have gotton bad I have to find somewhere to live.

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