Hi All,
This is my first time to post on the Divorcing/Divoreced board, but I feel at wit's end. Within a period of three years my WH and I have had two rounds of counseling with Steve. WH fell down in the honesty department both times. This second time, he begged me to return to him, and he met some of my ENs for three months, although he maintained telephone contact with the OW. SF was the sticking point. He told me our relationship lacked passion, and after behaving like a rabbit with his OW for the past years, he just didn't think he could perform with me. Otherwise, our newly revived relationship was going well. This was hard enough to take, but then he told me he discussed these sex problems with the OW. I finally had the guts to tell WH the other day that he could call when he was done with the OW. I am afraid now that I have sent him back into her arms after three months of not seeing her. H and OW's relationship is very destructive -- OW is alcoholic and abusive -- and their relationship will end again and he will probably be begging me to return again. I feel sad, but I don't think I can wait for him. I plan to file for D and leave the country to return to my homeland. There is too much pain associated with the place I'm at as a result of the affair.

Any advice from anybody who's had to cope with a long-time affair and a spouse who really wasn't sure they wanted to divorce?

Hi - Did you do a solid Plan B?

Well, we did have approximately 3 years of Plan B. Then we decided to give our marriage a try again, but he was dogged by his addiction to the OW. I had hoped to start my second Plan B by telling him to call me when he was through with the woman. And it DID send him back into her arms -- although perhaps not with the enthusiasm he had for her in the past. He has had three months of my satisfying his emotional needs (except for SF) and he has been quite happy, just perplexed about how to handle the SF issues. This woman will pale in comparison now that some of the fog has lifted. But how long that will take, I don't know.

Actually tonight I called him and asked him to move back to the US with me. I'm sure that has shaken him up, as I think he was betting on keeping me around in case he wants me again. Should he say yes, this might be just what the doctor ordered. I hear that such a radical change is often in order to move the couple beyond the pain of the affair. For the entire time we have been here we have been unhappy, either as a couple or as individuals. I realize now how strong these associations with place are. In the US we were happy together and not poisoned by a culture that is so foreign to us and that attempts to put everybody into a little box.

We shall see...