Hi, first of all, thanks for reading this. I don't know where to turn for advice. I have been married for a year now, and it is both mine and my H's second marriage. For the longest time, his ex wife would do things to hurt me but she would be very subtle, so when I said something about it, my H would think I was making it up, or seeing things. I kept telling him that she wanted him back and she wasn't going to give up. He said that was impossible since she is the one that left him and his son four years ago to be with another man, not to mention the fact that she cheated on my husband many many times while married.

A couple months ago, I went on a trip to see my family. A friend of mine called my house and guess who answered? Of course, the ex. She said she was only waiting for my H to get here so she could drop their son off, so she came in and waited in the living room. Then, she called a couple weeks ago to say she got my stepson a puppy to live here with us. She did that without consulting anyone. Then she acted all offended when I told her the puppy couldn't stay here because we didn't have time to take care of it. After that, she e-mailed my husband saying that she needed to know if I was staying or not, claiming that my H had told her we aren't getting along and he doesn't know why I'm still here. She even called me the third wheel in this relationship. My H swore to me he has never told her anything of this sort. Then he wrote her back saying that he will be with me forever. She replied very angrily, using foul language and threatening to go for custody of my stepson. This has stressed my H out so much that our relationship is suffering. I don't know who to trust, what to do. I am sure she is feeding ideas in my stepson's head, like he doesn't want to be home as much as he did before, and he has been saying that if his dad and I get a divorce, then his mom will be able to come back home and live with them.

Now she just keeps e-mailing him junk and "friendly" stuff that he lets me read. Please!!! I need all the advice and ideas I can get. Thank you all and God bless you.

Change your e-mail address. My H ex was horrible as well. The only thing that stopped her was us moving. Then she reached out down south and tried. His sons changed their last names when they turned 21 to their stepdad's almost killing their father. It has been hell. It will never end. She must want him back. Maybe she is alone again. Is she? Or is she living with someone? If so You need to contact her S and tell him of her behavior. How about a restraining order. I would not let her in the house ever. She should wait outside. How old is stepson?

Oh -my H ex left him for another woman and tried to kill him several times.

sorry another man -dahh me....

Dear Realtor, thank you so much for replying. I appreciate it lots. My stepson is going on eleven now. He is a sweetheart, but he of course loves his mom a lot. He treats me with great respect, and he loves my daughter to death.

The ex used to live with the man she left my H for, and had another baby with, but she alone now, so that doesn't help. She does want my husband back. I know because I asked her directly and she admitted it.

So you think it'll never end? I guess I'll just keep coming back with every new situation until she gives up. My H would never cheat on me, I know that. The problem is he is way too nice to her. Being civil isn't enough for him. He has to go the extra mile to make sure he doesn't hurt her feelings. That wouldn't be a bad thing if she wasn't going over the line trying to hurt our marriage.

I'm sorry you went through that as well. Once again, thanks for replying!!

Listen it is all in the past now. My H ex even broke in our house and stole my things. Then went to court asking for my furniture. So much I can't remember everything. But if you two love each other it will work out. Remember kids can also make things seem worse to each D parent.

I am glad to see a thread that deals with second marriage issues, and not with infidelity.

I also am in a second marriage -- "our" exwife is quiet with us, but right after we married this year, my stepson had a melt-down.

Apparently despite the fact that his parents called it quits years ago, and his mother has been seeing someone on and off for two years, he still had a fantasy his parents would get back together again. His mother did not discourage that.

When we married, it was "MY fault that his family wasn't going to be together". The children visit very rarely due to their mother's living so far away. We're dealing with SS refusing to allow my husband and I to sit next to each other on the sofa, to hold hands, etc. My husband drew the line when my stepson wanted him to sleep with him instead of with me. H told him, "I am married to stepmalla and she is my wife, and husbands and wives share a bed with each other, and not with other people." (This child is also 11 years old. Is it the age?)
Sorry to be so long.