Hey all. My life has been flashing before my eyes lately since I decided to file for divorce.

As a kid, I used to laugh at my mother, and tease her about being happy just watching the grass grow. We had a beautiful home, and the livingroom looked out on the garden. Mom was very content just taking care of the home, cooking, taking care of my sis and I, and working in the garden.

To get to the point - I am a simple person. I get joy out of the everyday things. I have pets: fish, dogs, cats, birds, lizards. I love to take care of them. Today I ran on the beach with my dog, for miles and miles. I tossed a stick into the ocean, and he swam out to get it - did it over and over again.

My question is: could it be a genetic thing that some people are just not wired to be content with the simple things? My WH always had to be spending money, going places, having excitement. As soon as he acquired one thing, he started wanting something else. Nothing was ever enough.

Anyone else notice something like this?

B, I think if you're FORCED to have only the simple things, its hard to appreciate them.

When you have a choice the simple things become really GROUNDING and feel AUTHENTIC compared to the somewhat vacuous experiences offered by modern life.

I love walking in the rain, but I'd likely feel different if I hadn't got a shelter.

I am blessed with a pretty cool life of travelling and experiences but I find again and again that simple pleasures are the most profound.

I know choosing a D was a biggie for you B. Its OK.

You may feel a release that you can't even imagine right now. It will be a GOOD divorce - meaning that you resort to it after pretty much everything a caring person could possibly do to recover their M.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I remember looking out of the window of our apartment some weeks ago, discreetly watching my H and DDs returning from grocery shopping.

My heart filled with happiness that the three most important people in the world to me had returned home, and that we would soon be having lunch together. Such a simple pleasure!

I will never forget this image, this feeling. That evening, my husband told me that our marriage was over and that he was leaving me for another woman.

After he left, I didn't wash the sheets of our bed for weeks; I didn't want to lose the scent of him.

At heart, I am also a simple person. Family means everything to me. Welcoming my family home. The special smell of my husband.

I guess it may be genetic, or a learned behaviour. My father is the same way - family is everything to him. He was always there for me. I wonder now whether this trait will be passed on to my daughters, or whether they have learned that family is disposable.

Alph.

Thanks Bob and Alph -

I think it is a difference in temperment. Maybe we are born with it. The happiest times I can remember in my life were very plain things. As a teen, I remember being in the barn with my horse. It was raining outside and I had just cleaned the stall and put in fresh hay.

I remember feeding my family - including WH, and 6 kids, and sitting around the table, talking, and laughing.

On the other hand, my WH has never been happy with these things. First he needed a Harley. We bought that. Then he needed a brand new truck. Bought that. Then he had to have a brand new Harley. Check. Then he needed a woman 20 years younger than us.

I just wonder if I will ever find someone who is content with the day-to-day pleasures of life.

I think we are lucky to realise that the simple things are the things that really do matter.

Your WH's Harley, new truck, newer Harley - did these things make him happy? My guess would be no.

I don't know enough about your sitch to comment on the younger OW, but I would guess that she wouldn't make him happy in the long run, either.

Simple things are important, that's a fact as far as I'm concerned. All the rest is just window dressing

IMVHO.

Alph.

I agree with you Alph. I am just in a pondering mood. I am very thankful that I am easily satisfied. It is a blessing.

By the way, he has been living with OW for 2 and a half years. So maybe he is happy now. But it was happiness at a huge price. OW left her husband and 12 year old daughter.

Hey Believer! I did not know this. When did you file?

I think a lot of what you speak of is human nature in the quest for happiness. Things will never fill the empty space though.

Of course I like my share of "stuff" but I am happiest when I am sharing what I have with the people I love.

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Susan - I'm filing this coming week. Here is my post from Idiotville (for some reason I always post there first).

I am at peace with my decision. It boiled down to financial matters. I decided NOT to divorce WH as he needs my health insurance. All my friends and family thought I was stupid, but I continued paying for a "family" plan. It costs me an extra $350. a month.

In return, WH was paying my car insurance - it costs about $35. a month. Yesterday he left the car insurance bill in my mail. He wrote a note on the envelope that he can't pay it anymore because money is tight. And it was due on April 10, so it has been cancelled.

At first I was going to call him and argue, but I decided to just file for divorce. He will be served next week. My life is going fine without him, and he is unwilling to keep anykind of agreement. I just don't need anymore surprises. I did the best I could for as long as I could.

Hi B,

As my sig line says,life isn't complicated,we make it that way.Yes we have challenges but the basic most important things in life are what can help us live a good life.Family,good health,friends,home, hearth.So many people are just wizzing through life missing it all.I too enjoy simple pleasures.I am just as content to be at home and putter around as I am going to a theme park and riding the biggest coaster they have.But,I am driven more to live an easy life,savoring every moment because I know that when you take things for granted,they just might not be there tomorrow.I have been so blessed to be with my children every day of their lives,raising them and I don't feel like I missed out at all.

In terms of "genetic" inability to appreciate the simpler life,well,my WH is like my FIL and cannot be still for very long,he goes nuts.My FIL is the type of man who rides his bike across the country for fun and charity.My WH isn't so athletically inclined even though I am always doing something active: I love swimming laps,diving,walking,rollerblading,etc my WH keeps active through other people,always connected to someone somewhere,busy on his computer/cell phone,ignoring and not appreciating what he had.

I feel pity for my WH in that if one of our beloved DD's died or something awful happened(GOD forbid) then I am sure he would regret not spending more time with them.They are young only once and he is missing out on it all.

One of my favorite past times is just being curled up on my comfy couch with a great book,a cup of Earl Grey tea,my girls nearby,my Doggie at my feet and classical music gently playing in the background.Life couldn't be any better than that for me.sigh.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

O

P.S. Edited to add: I didn't see your last post.I thought you filed long ago but I guess not.It's high time B though.

Octobergirl -

We posted at the same time. See above. I had all the papers ready to file, but felt that my WH needed my insurance. So I held off.

But I am over that now. I'm not sad, just thinking. I have been blessed more than I deserve. I gave birth to 2 healthy sons. They grew up to be good men.

I come home from work and all the neighborhood kids run up to meet me. They get so excited because I usually try to bring them some treats. Life is good again.

I am a simple pleasures sort of person too. The things I find most enjoyable & comforting are similar to things that have already been mentioned. Unfortunately, that makes me boring in my H eyes.
So many people spend their lives striving after things that will mean nothing in the end. Are their posessions or paycheck going to comfort them when something horrible happens in their lives? Or when they've driven everyone they may have cared about away? And when they die, what will it matter what they were able to attain if they've left behind no loving memories?
Balance is essential and sadly in this world is a difficult thing to acheive.

alicat - I know EXACTLY what you mean by being boring in husband's eyes. That is how I always felt too. For him, things had to be expensive, dramatic, etc. to be worth anything.

For us sometimes it's not even about the expense, it's simply about different interests. Even before we were married we both knew we enjoyed different things. I have always thought it was part of the whole 'opposites attract' thing, but apparently it really irritates him.