OK, I am in the midst of starting Plan A, but I have a question... Wife has been planning an overnight group trip with her friends to see some football game. I am nearly sure that either:
This group will include OM
or
Maybe it's just her and OM

I just took a several day long trip myself. Should I object to her trip? I DON'T want to help her and OM have a night alone together. But, someone needs to watch our baby. How could I object? Say that I can't watch the baby? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
Sure I can accuse her or complain, but I need a better idea than that...

Gramn:

If you're really about 2 expose your knowledge of the A 2 your W and the OMW, is this likely 2 be an issue even?

-ol' 2long

This will be a mute point, GRAMN, once you carry out YOUR PLAN on the other thread.

This was well pointed out by, 2 LONG....

I would suggest you focus your energies on that PLAN and don't worry about this right now.

OK?

The trip may be blown up once you call the OMW and inform her her H is having an affair with your W. Just take first things first.

Ditto what Mimi, Melody and 2Long stated. Once you expose, they WILL run to each other. Activity will increase between them. They WILL look to each other to "rescue" each other. They will become very clingy to each other. But guess what? That clinginess is what will destroy the affair. They will look to each other to do what they cant. No one can possibly be what they will ask the other to be. And the fairytale will begin to have cracks in it.

You see, affairs while in secrecy can have no problems. The reason is, the affair isnt reality. Both can put on their best face to each other...and can promise each other the world.

But try having sex when the stresses of your entire world comes crashing down. Try to have romantic get togethers when you actually spend most of your time talking about the situation and they have to talk about you and OMW. Nothing will kill the libido more for a man than a woman talking about her husband or another boyfriend. We just dont want to hear it (my wife's OM told her exactly that at one point...that he was sick of her coming over and then spending time complaining about me and what I was doing to her...he told her to end the marriage and get with him, but until then he didnt want to hear it...hey women out there...if the "love of your life" tells you he doesnt want to listen to you, how far is that relationship gonna go?)

They will run to each other. That is unavoidable. I imagine after you expose that they will definitely take off for the weekend. But guess what? Wanna bet it wont be the romantic vacation you think it will be? Wanna bet they spend a lot of time talking and worrying about what their spouses are doing back here...since their affair is now out in the open? Wanna bet that the OM is worried that all his stuff will be out on the front lawn when he gets back?

Psychological warfare, Gramn. While it hurts to know that they will be together, you must understand that once you blow reality in today, that them actuall being together is what is going to force the end to the affair...and in MOST cases, forces the WS to decide to come home and try again.

You need to learn this stuff Gramn. The sooner you do, and understand the nature of affairs, the easier all of this will be for you during these trying times.

You are leaving Kuwait today, Gramn. Your objective is Baghdad. There will be many battles between here and there. Some will be tough. You might actually lose a few. But always remember, the objective is Baghdad...and you have God on your side. The outcome of the war is already assured. You WILL win!! God has promised that. (Oh, by the way...the war analogy works also once you get to Baghdad...it's called recovery. And as we are finding out in Iraq...and those in recovery can attest...the recovery period is longer and harder than the war!)

So, go fight the war knowing it is already won. She wont know that. OM wont know that. They will have no plan. And the blitzkrieg that is about to befall them will ultimately destroy that fairytale world.

The U.S. Army has a Code of Conduct, which says:

"I am an American fighting man. I serve in the forces which guard my country and our way of life. I am prepared to give my life in their defense. I will never forget that I am an American fighting man, responsible for my actions, and dedicated to the principles which made my country free. I will trust in my God and in the United States of America."

As a husband, I would like to change this to the Husband's Code of Conduct:

"I am a husband. I am the head of my family as commanded by God. I am prepared to give my life in my family's defense. I will never forget that I am the leader of my family, responsible for my actions, and dedicated to the love and protection of my wife and children. I will trust in my God. I will never surrender."

One other thing that came to me just now as I prayed for you is Psalm 25. Read it constantly and pray on it!

Psalm 25:
1
To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul.

2
I trust in you, my God!
Do not let me be disgraced,
or let my enemies rejoice in my defeat.

3
No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced,
but disgrace comes to those who try to deceive others.

4
Show me the path where I should walk, O LORD;
point out the right road for me to follow.

5
Lead me by your truth and teach me,
for you are the God who saves me.
All day long I put my hope in you.

6
Remember, O LORD, your unfailing love and compassion,
which you have shown from long ages past.

7
Forgive the rebellious sins of my youth;
look instead through the eyes of your unfailing love,
for you are merciful, O LORD.

8
The LORD is good and does what is right;
he shows the proper path to those who go astray.

9
He leads the humble in what is right,
teaching them his way.

10
The LORD leads with unfailing love and faithfulness
all those who keep his covenant and obey his decrees.

11
For the honor of your name, O LORD,
forgive my many, many sins.

12
Who are those who fear the LORD?
He will show them the path they should choose.

13
They will live in prosperity,
and their children will inherit the Promised Land.

14
Friendship with the LORD is reserved for those who fear him.
With them he shares the secrets of his covenant.

15
My eyes are always looking to the LORD for help,
for he alone can rescue me from the traps of my enemies.

16
Turn to me and have mercy on me,
for I am alone and in deep distress.

17
My problems go from bad to worse.
Oh, save me from them all!

18
Feel my pain and see my trouble.
Forgive all my sins.

19
See how many enemies I have,
and how viciously they hate me!

20
Protect me! Rescue my life from them!
Do not let me be disgraced, for I trust in you.

21
May integrity and honesty protect me,
for I put my hope in you.

22
O God, ransom Israel
from all its troubles.

Learn it, love it, live it!

In His arms.

Thanks, all of you. (Especially MM)

I realize that one weekend trip isn't the big deal, but I'm trying to figure out how I should change once this is in the open.

For instance, how can I talk about this weekend trip to her?
If I just let her do her thing, I will seem weak. If I tell her not to go, or put her down for lying about it, I'll seem judgmental.

It's a "different game" and I'm trying to figure out the new rules before it starts...

You will need to deal with the trip. Just not today.. One step at the time and we (especially MM <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />) will help you!

Gramn:

You can't tell her what 2 do, only what you can accept in your M. You can certainly tell her that spending the night with another man is unacceptable 2 you, but she has 2 decide whether she's going 2 respect that boundary, herself.

Move back in2 your bedroom, let her have the foldout!

-ol' 2long

Now you are asking the right questions. You are looking ahead. Great!!

You now stay on message. You Plan A. You repeat and show your love. You fill needs. And you continue to insist that the affair ends. Not in a frantic or angry way. But forcefully, as a commander would to his troops.

She will want to accelerate things, to get you to just divorce. "It's over...cant you get it thru your head?" Answer: "I love you and I am your husband. You can do what you like, but as for me and this family, we will follow the Lord. I believe we can have the marriage we always wanted. I will not give in."

She will then after awhile, try to coerce you. "Look, why dont we just do the paperwork, and let the divorce go thru. Then we can date and see if we can get things on the right track. I need this old marriage to end, so we might be able to start a new one." Lies! Do not be snookered.

People on here are laughing right now at me. Know why? Because ALL of our WSs said the same damn things!! WSs have a script. They read straight from the WS Handbook. So, you stay on message, you stay on your script. Practice that script over and over. Have it down pat in your sleep. That way, i nthe heat of battle, you wont digress.

I'm proud of you. You are continuing to look forward. Stay that way.

In His arms.

Also remember, you have my number. If things are going fast and furious (especially after going to OMW), you can call. If I dont answer right away, leave a message and I will call back.

In any event, once you tell OMW...and right before you tell WW, come here and post what OMW said. Her reaction will be key to the direction this thing goes next.

In His arms.

Well, OMW couldn't come to the phone right now, so I didn't leave a message with her son... I'll try again in 1/2 hr...

Did you tell them who you were? Who answered the phone?

Her son answered and NO I didn't tell!

So she is home. Go there, if you can. This is better done in person. If she is home, then you can just come to the door, and if son answers...ask to speak to her...that is is very urgent. Go now Gramn.

In His arms.

I was going to say that she might not be home if the kid is old enough to be home alone for a bit.

Go there and wait outside for her.

GOD and His angels are with you, GRAMN.

Gramn,

I will try to call you in a half hour (as I will be out of work by then and my cell phone will be working). Hopefully, you will be at the OMW's house.

The time is now. Launch. Godspeed.

In His arms.

Guys and gals...

I am leaving work in 15 minutes and will call Gramn. I am going to try to make sure he has a way to get ahold of me all afternoon and evening, so he can walk this thru with some support and someone to help him around the minefields.

So, pray for Gramn. He will report back once all rounds have been expended and the war for his marriage has started.

In His arms.

I've been reading and praying for Gramn, and you MM.