I do disagree with you on the first part. I think marriage DOES make a difference. That's the whole point of making your vows. I still think it is wrong to date and cheat, but vows have not been broken. Lives have not been destroyed, and possible children have not been affected. There IS a difference there. However, there may be a pattern if someone cheats in dating, where they will tend to run when the going gets tough in marriage as well. Kind of like what Terri's circumstances and situations told.

Adgirl,

At what point does dating become exclusive?

One date? Two? Three? Six? Twelve? (twelve dates could be two dates a month for a year)

What if you choose to date them exclusively so you turn down other dates because you've been out with this person once or twice? And yet, they don't consider themselves to be dating you exclusively? Would they cheating because you choose to only go out with them? No, because it wasn't a mutually agreed upon commitment to date only each other.

So yes, even though he has been dating this one person for awhile, have they ever discussed not going out with other people while they are going out with each other? Have they made that commitment or has it been an assumed commitment based on the fact neither of them have chosen to go out with other people during that time?

personally I find the assumed commitments to be the worst, because someone typically gets hurt, and it's usually the one who assumed their was a commitment based on a few dates.

They assume that because they went out on a date one or two weekends in a row, they will go out the next weekend as well. Then they get upset and hurt if the person doesn't call and ask them out that next weekend.

They assume because the person called three days in a row they will call the forth day. And when they don't they tend to get hurt because they 'assumed' the person would call based on the previous three days.

So again, at what point does the 'dating' relationship become exclusive?

Thorned Rose,
I was hoping to hear from you on this, because I know from other posts you kind of think of dating differently than some. I don't know, I haven't asked if they have talked about it. I know that in the year's time it has been on again and off again which always is red flags to me. There are so many realms to the dating world, there are people who don't believe in dating (instead in courting), people who believe in dating one person, people who believe in dating several people, people who think exclusivity is the way to go, people who think engagement is the only means to exclusivity. And I don't really know what is right for me. Being that I went from being a fun loving college girl who dated many guys til I was 20, then met my ex and married him, then divorced and got involved with one guy who I dated and I fell harder (as you are discussing) and he didn't but wanted a buddy, so we talked or saw each other every day and I didn't date others, til I nipped that in the bud, then I went to a guy who was a total maniac, then a guy who I knew for 15 years but completely sucked the life out of me and crushed me once we started dating because he wanted every part of me (broke that off, and he won't speak to me now- I know I made the right decision). SO I guess I don't know how to date. Or what is right for me. Dating many, dating few, dating none. Having fun, being serious, whatever. Cloud and Townsend have a book called How to get a date worth keeping that just came out, that I am hoping to buy soon.

That may be the case, but do you really know that? Do you think his GF would be pleased and happy to know he was making out with you? Do you know that it won't deeply hurt her?

I would agree that there are some differences between dating and marriage. However, I believe the difference may be lesser than one may think. She may believe she is in a committed relationship and he may be her world.

I know that his girlfriend would not be pleased and happy. I know that it probably would hurt her, because it would hurt me. That is the part that is wrong.
I also know they have not been committed for the entire year, so she has been free to go on her own, and I think she has. I also know if he is "her world" that is an emotional issue she would be wise to address. No person should be anybody's world. That just is dangerous.