[color:"blue"] [/color] I am not sure how everyone else here feels but I have been feeling so proud of myself, that may seem arrogant but its true. I decided to stay in my marriage and work things out with WH, OC had proven to be his and since the DNA results have come back we have had her 3 times, and she is coming over again for a few hours tomorrow. Its hard to see her but I love her, I actually like having her there. My own children believe that we are just babysitting as they are too young to really understand now, 4 and 1, Husband is constantly asking me if I am okay with her coming over and being a part of our lives. Its hard but this is the only option that felt good for everyone invovled, I hope things keep going smoothly with OW. She said she wants to keep this all out of court. We have been buying the baby supplies and things and keeping reciepts and check stubs to her, she stated that she knew my husband was married and she chose to keep this child that the only thing she wants from him is to be in his daughters life. I still have not met OW but I tried to break the ice I included a little note in the diaper bag last weekend stating that I wanted everyone involed to have the best and that I have no ill feelings towards her or my husband, and that her daughter is a beautiful precious baby who deserves to have her father in her life, and then I thanked her for allowing the baby to visit with us at our house. I recieved nothing back which I didn't expect to but still I felt better. Sorry this is so long, i just needed to share. Thanks.

LA

LA,
Glad to hear everything has gone so well for you. I reread all of your posts to refresh myself on your sitch and to see where you were in the first post and where you are today in your thinking. Alot has changed. Congrats to you and your family!


I don't want to put a damper on things but there are two things that stand out to me about your sitch which concern me. I only point these things out from my own experience.

1. Did you and H ever decide to go to MC or IC? An earlier post indicated that you didn't want to go to counseling because you didn't want to talk about all this - just move forward. Sweeping things under the rug, accepting H mistake, forgiving, and resuming life too quickly don't work -- just ask me. I've done it too many times. Change in your H and healing in your marriage take time. Counseling can be very helpful when you both are working to save your M and can really help you deal w/ emotions it seems to me you have repressed to some degree. Just think about giving it a chance -- check your insurance, employer, Christian counseling services . . . all of these may offer an affordable choice. Counseling doesn't neccessarily mean exspensive -- we were able to go for $12.50 per hour session w/ our insurance. Just check around for your options.

2. You mentioned in this post - not going to court, keeping reciepts,etc. I feel handling things legally in writing is the only way. This OW isn't a trustworthy person - she slept w/ you H. If she is capable of that, she is capable of many things that many people would never do. You are taking a HUGE risk without being covered legally. You could find your H later on being responsible for back child support payments. Lawyers are expensive -- but in these situations I believe well worth every dime. You and your H have to protect your family. If OW decided to sue for CS, a judge is very unlikely to listen to the"hand shake deal" H and OW made and recognize it as binding. Be careful -- you can not trust OW to always abide by this arrangement.


Like I said in the beginning, I am happy for your peaceful tone in your email and openess to accept the OC. But I don't want to read a nightmare story about your sitch later on because 1. issues were not really dealt with and resolved and 2. OW sues your H. I only point these things out to you out of great concern for your longterm happiness and well being. IMO, we , BS, have had enough pain to last a lifetime and if I can help spare any more for someone I am willing to stick my neck out and say the hard stuff. Keep in mind these are my opinions and should be taken as such.

Best of luck. Keep posting!