My H found out about affair. He completely shut me out. He won't return my calls or email. Did this ever happen to anyone? How long will he be like this? How can I get him to communicate?

What is your story?

percy, I went back and read some of your posts so I think I understand the situation. The thing is there is nothing we can tell you to force a BS to communicate. Many BS do not choose to stay in a marriage where the trust has been violated. And that is their perogative.

He may well come around if you give him time, though.

Percy, I understand your anguish, but let me ask a "blunt question," if I may, in order to gain some direction in how to possibly help you.

Are both you and your husband born-again Christians?

No - we are not born again

Percy-

The only suggestions I can make to you right now would be to make the changes in YOUR life that need to happen. End contact with OM if you haven't already, get to counseling to help determine WHY you did what you did, and start making changes in how YOU behave to make sure that it won't happen again.

Hopefully, your H will be able to see those changes eventually, and that MIGHT prompt him to start working with you to heal your M. But...there are no garauntees on this.

Thanks for the response, Percy.

Now let's talk about communication with your husband.

Without a "framework" of forgiveness for his sins, it might be difficult for him to forgive your actions. He may well consider the betrayal to be the most devastating thing you could have done TO him, and is responding right now with basic human instinct to "cut off" the source of the intense pain he is feeling.

While he is in that "flight" mode, there is little that can be done. You will have to be patient and ready for any opportunity that presents itself to start to thaw the frozen lines.

His anger level is probably sky high right now, to match his pain level. So, consider the "silence" a gift also. He is NOT hurling invectives at you right now.

Now comes the hard part, he may not recover enough to prevent a divorce. Though you have "come to your senses" and now want him, sometimes it's like trying to "unscramble" and egg, it can't be done.

This pain is unlike anything that most of us are likely to endure because it's deeply personal and the betrayal was directed at us by the one we "blindly trusted." Dealing with that pain, without professional counseling, is very hard.

So be ready to humbly "take" what he may throw at you if he begins talking. Understand that it is based in feelings of intense pain. IF your goal is to recover your marriage, then you will have to endure a lot to get to the point where he is willing to TRY instead of just end the marriage in the false assumption that that will "end all the pain."

Percy,

Like MelodyLane said... Some people feel so violated that it is impossible for them to even consider trusting the WS again. As I told you in my post to one of your other threads that was the situation with my first wife.
I betryed her, she sent me packing - end of story. That was her choice to make and I had absolutely no say in it.

You have no say in your husbands decision.

Your best course of action right now is the one Owl suggested - fix yourself. Find out why you did this and do what has to be done to insure you are never that person again.

Your husband may be gone forever, but you have yourself to live with, so put all of your effort into becoming the best person you can possibly be.

Right now your husband sees you as the most evil creature on the face of the earth. Like others have said he is trying to protect himself from the most excruciating pain he has ever experienced.
If you work really hard to make yourself a better person, then maybe... just maybe your husband will see from your actions that you are worth the risk.

My prayers are with you,

Cruz