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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 224
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 224 |
It sucks that A's could be avoided by simply communicating with your spouse. Just this simple act could stop so much pain.
How come the simplest acts are the hardest to do?
Hindsight sucks....
Oh well.
Wow..this recovery thing sucks. Did you know that I feel murdering someone is more humane then cheating on them? The dead don't think about being killed...the BS thinks about the A everyday
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 10,107 |
Maybe...
Communicating requires LISTENING as well as TALKING.
Squid only truly got my attention with her affair, and I hers with recovery.
MB Alumni
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 164
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 164 |
DITTO for Bob pure!
It is also understanding what they are saying and willing to accept and act upon it.
Now WH and I have realized it was a major part of not SPEAKING UP!
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,253
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,253 |
I tried for a long time to communicate with my WH. 'Way before the A, I was concerned. It takes 2 to communicate. I'd try to talk to him. I'd send emails, write notes, do nice things for him. I felt like I might as well be shouting things from the Grand Canyon rim. Occasionally, I'd get an echo back. Generally, most of what I said was lost in the enormous silence of WH. I'd get frustrated and then everything I said he took as being "mad" or "depressed". It was a downward spiral that dumped into the A.
Hemi, take the blame for what you can take the blame for. If you didn't feel you were communicating, that's something you can cure. You cannot make someone listen. A BS cannot be blamed for a midlife crisis, the decision a S made to have an A or the deep fog of a WS.
There's nothing simple about the whole infidelity thing.
Grapes are versatile. Grapes can be sour, sweet, sublime as wine and fabulous even when old and dried out.
Me: BS
XCH: Clueless
2-DS: Bigger than me
1-DD: Now also bigger than me!
5/6: Personally served CH with divorce papers
6/6: CH F? wants to time to see if M can be saved
7/6: FCH reenters our lives to work on marriage but secretly signs papers to start divorce...what's that about?
Mediation set for November
Final dissolution in January 2007.
2008 and beyond: Life goes on...
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