Hi Alphin,
I think you "happened" upon my thread yesterday. Not sure if you found it again, but here's my reply to your comments/questions ...
{{{Alphin}}} -
"I'm only early into plan A, and feeling a little fragile this evening, so I hope you don't mind me posting to you, whisper."
>Not at all - that's why we're all here. PLEASE KEEP POSTING, AND DON'T EVER APOLOGIZE!
"Unlike many men, he falls in love easily with women he has sex with; unfortunately he is head over heals in love with OW, and has no apparent feelings for me at all, although he says he does care."
>This happened to me too. For the longest time, I thought that a D was my only choice.
"You chose to end your A and return to your marriage because you thought that your H was moving on without you, is that correct?"
>Yes.
"How long did it take before you began feeling that way?"
>I'm ashamed to admit it, but my A lasted 1 1/2 years. "Reality" started to hit me the day I went to the attorney's office to inquire about the D process. I broke down right there on her desk. Unfortunately, I was/am very, very stubborn. For 2 months, I stuck to my guns on the D thinking that was the only way out, but the horrible reality of not having my H in my life, not being able to talk to him, and not being able to grow old with him - (esp. the scary thought of living the rest of my life w/ the OM :{) chipped away at me. At first, I ignored it. Then, the the flood gates opened when I saw my H not wearing his wedding ring. I still remember that day - we met at lunch, and I thought I was going to vomit.
"Could this be the reason why you aren't having such bad symptoms?"
>Yes. I do believe it is. I think it makes a big difference when a WS makes the decision to return to their BS because that's what they WANT to do not because it's what's right. Frankly, if all the WS did what was right, we wouldn't have done it in the first place.
"WH seems so in love with OW that his withdrawal would probably be bad if he ever wanted to come back to me (he only wants a divorce at the moment). I guess there's no way to tell for sure though."
>Yes, your WH's withdrawal would be very bad right now. I know this b/c I've been there so many times during the 1.5 yrs of A. I tried repeatedly to break away because I thought that was the right thing to do, but I always caved and succombed to the addiction/withdrawal. Again, it wasn't until I realized that what I wanted was my M that I stopped having the withdrawal symptoms for the 1st time and am able to stick with it. Perhaps my story will give you some hope?? Just keep in mind that I, too, thought I was madly in love w/ the OM once and was able to to turn around. This wouldn't be possible if my H didn't put me on his version of Plan A & B (he didn't know about MB then), but the concepts and execution were identical. I hope this will happen for you and your WH too.
Hang in there.
