I was married to someone who cheated and didnt want to save our marriage............after I remarried......she kept seeing OM, but was depressed and down and wished she had saved our marriage. The trouble with this is the fact that if I would have not signed the divorce papers she gave to me, I would have never known if she was gonna stop seeing OM, or if for the rest of our marriage I could trust her. I will never know, and a huge part of me is glad I moved on. I didnt need that pressure and stress on me.

Im remarried now and gosh things are sooooo different this time around. My wife and I get along great and never fight or call each other names, or do any of the hurtful things that happened in my previous marriage. Im very happy now and just want others to know, that if you want it to work and your spouse doesnt.....there is still light at the end of the tunnel. There are still some honest, caring and truthful people available. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It's good to hear a story of someone who found happiness again. I'm hoping I will have that one day. My STBX is living with OW and he claims to be so happy yet he continues to bother me. I'm so ready to be divorced from him and move on. I just feel that I will never find someone.

Hi,
We're in the process of legally separating. My STBXH doesn't want to work on our marriage and says he's completely in love with his co-worker/lover. He's even gone as far as to say he wishes that I find that same kind of love. I just found out about his affair 2 weeks ago so I've been going back and forth between either trying to save our marriage (doing plan A and plan B) or giving up and moving on. I'm realizing that I can't do this by myself. He's not willing to work on our marriage. He's basically had an "exit affair". The only thing I can do now is think of myself and my two young children and move-on with my life. I can't fight this on my own. He hasn't shown me an ounce of remorse.... not even one apology. I would rather start over on my own and try to find some sort of happiness with someone else, like you have done. What else can I do?

WOW! That is very uplifting to me, b/c I am going through the same thing you went through...wife left me one month ago, seeing OM, she's not interested in reconciling though I try. But then i think - why try? I'll never trust her again! I hope to meet someone better, like you did. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

How long were you married to XW? How long are you with your new wife?

Same story too. It’s weird because my wife just moved out June 11, but she has emotionally been separating from me for a year. We’ve been married for three years and no kids. She had an EA and a make out session with another guy. Last night we discussed our situation and I told her that I wanted to work on our marriage but she doesn’t and I can’t make her. I don’t know if she is currently having an affair or not. Actually I would be surprised if she wasn’t just because of the way she has been with me. I’m mad because she took the easy way out by separating and is moving on. I’m emotionally drained though and just want the healing process to begin which is something you can’t do in the limbo state. I know most people on the boards say that I should stick it out for a couple of months but I’m not sure how they do it. You can’t make someone love you. Today after my IC I’m trying to just think of the future, my future. Dwelling on the past, thinking about should’ve, would’ve, could’ve, just brings me down. If we do go through with a divorce I do believe that I will fall in love again and with my knowledge that I have learned and changes to myself I will be happier. Reading posts like yours really helps.

I was married to my EX for 9yrs and together a total of 16yrs........She was 17 when we met. That was a huge mistake.....she didnt experience dating or life really, and I think that was always an issue with her. Anyhow, Ive been with my current wife for 3yrs and married for 2. She is wonderful.....my best friend and lover. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


My XW wanted out a couple of times previously in our marriage, the 1st time she moved out and started dating. The second time she wanted out, I convinced her to stay. Both times I found numbers of guys she was calling......to make a long story short. I really never fully trusted her after the first couple of times.....the 3rd time she wanted out, I didnt stop her. I found a cellphone bill with a number called a heck of alot of times.....red flag to OM. I could never go back to her after that....there is noway I could trust her ever again. Our marriage was destroyed in my eyes. I basically gave her a couple of chances and she still dared me. I was gone.

NOW, she is a mess, miserable and unhappy.

Me.........Im <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yep, my STBXW didn't want to give up her OM either. I could have forgiven her if she'd given him up and wanted to work on our marriage, but refusing to give him up was unforgivable in my mind. I have learned a lot about relationships and a lot about myself in the process.


I know that IF I ever get remarried I will be able to make it work. In the meantime I have taken on a 2 year lease philosophy. After 2 years (when the excitement wears off) it'll be time to trade in for a new model. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, this thread made me think of this song...

LOL......that is the same thing I said when I got divorced. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball though. I met my 2nd wife while my divorce was going thru.......(we were just friends)........after my divorce we started dating more seriously. We dated for a year before we tied the knot. Marrying her is the best move I ever made. We are sooooo much more compatible than my previous wife. Even my family and all my friends think she is sweet and much more of a pleasant person. Not to knock on her, but my EX and I were like oil and water......she was soooooo MEAN to everyone. Oh well, thats her OMs problem now.

To nikki, tom, and timn -

It is too early for all three of y'all (yes, I am from TX) to be here on the D'ing board - not that you shouldn't read here, but you really need to study the Plan A/Plan B stuff, pick up a copy of SAA, Not Just Friends, and/or Torn Asunder....

This is a marathon, not a sprint...don't quit before the race has even started. I feel very comfortable saying that I did everything I could to try and save my marriage. Make sure you are able to say the same to yourself honestly before you decide to D. You may regret acting too rashly later on.

TM

I agree.....try everything you can. I tolerated alot before I finally gave up. Actually by the time I gave up I wasnt in love with my EX anymore.