Anyone else have a spastic STBX? My H has the power to end all this, all he has to do is refinance the house, like he'd planned and I'll be off the mortgage and have the freedom to move on. Since I'm still joint on the mortgage I'm having a hard time getting landlords to rent to me. They are concerned once they do the credit check that since I'm joint on the mortgage what will happen if my H defaults on the mortgage,how will I pay both rent and the mortgage -which is a good question.

I don't want the house, I want out, but until he gets me off the mortgage I have no choice. I'm not fighting him. He's acting like a spoiled little child. It's gotten back to me that I'm asking him to pay all the bills, and give me $40,000 in cash. while $40K would be nice, that isn't even remotely close to the truth. He even went as far as going to court a week ago thursday with a motion for the judge to tell me to get a full time job. According to my H, I've been unemployed for several months - which came as a total suprise to me since I've actually been employed by the same company for 9 1/2 years. He had no basis for this, in fact my attorney went to court with a copy of my last pay stub and a statement of employment verification. I don't understand why my H would make up such a lie that could be so easily checked out.

I don't want this house, I want to move on with my life. All he needs to do is finish up the refinancing that he had begun back in early April and I'll go. I want to be done with this, I want to move on and start living my life without being tied to this. But since there is an order of protection in force, I can't talk to him. I do know that my attorney has told his attorney that all it will take is to get the refinancing done, get my name off of the mortgage and then it will be done. why can't he get that thru his head? Why all the lies?

Anyone else been here?

It's not like we've been dragging this out for months, I filed on April 20th, 2005.

If your not wanting money from the house could you do a quit claim deed to him? He wouldn't need to take you off the mortage right away but then you could get a copy of that and give that as proof that He is responsible for that debt.

Or is there another reason he's putting it off, like he really doesn't want a divorce and wants to stay married but maybe doesn't know how to tell you that? Or not sure how to make things better between you?

I don't know all the details of your sitch but is that possible?

Yes! I am having the same issue. I want to move on but my STBXW is fighting me every step of the way. Our house is listed way too high if you ask me. I have tried to come up with solutions for her to have it. I would walk away from it just to get out from under the mortgage so I can move on. She want to squeeze every penny she can out of it. Well, that's all good and well, but if it doesnt' sell for 3 years what good is that? Especially if we end up forclosing on it in a few months.

Just this past weekend she up and moved out. Move 250 miles away and in with her mother. MI law says she can't move more than 100 miles from our residence at the time the divorce was filed. I have an appointment with my attorney tomorrow to find out what my options are. I can't believe she has helped her case any. She is just insane.

Just signing a quit claim deed on the house does not free me from the responsibility of being on the mortgage. I am having problems getting land lords to believe that he will be fully responsible with my name still on the mortgage. Technically I still have that responsibility for that debt. I don't want the house and just because the court has ordered him to pay does not mean that he would.

With the way things have gone I don't want to stay married, I want this to be done so we both can get on with our lives. He wants me gone, fine than do the right, honest thing. He's already lied to the judge about my employment status, he's lied to his attorney. I just want to go and get on with my life.

I understand completely. I just want out.

My H has told various people that I want $40K in cash, he's said that I've been unemployed for several months when the truth is that I have a job, been there for 9 1/2 years. All these things can't possibly be helping him. He wants me to just go, well I can't just go, he's in my way.

I want to give him what he wants, however, with all the stunts he's pulling, I'm worried that his attorney will get fed up and dump him and then we have to wait until he gets a new attorney and that will delay things even further. Not to mention the damage it will do to both of our credits if the house gets foreclosed on.....not only will he hurt my credit but it will hurt his as well. He's been ordered by the court to pay TEMPORARY maintenance. This is to go towards the house payment, not to me personally. He paid once, he's now 15 days late on the June payment, which puts the house payment late. That doesn't help anything. It dings both of our credit reports with a late pay (again) and that will only hurt more over time. If he thinks that just becuase he's not paying I'll just leave, I can't. I can't get a place to rent because of this mortgage issue.

All he has to do is get me off the mortgage, not the title of the house, just the mortgage. I don't want the house, I'll sign the quit claim deed, after he gets me off the mortgage and I can get out of here. I just want this all to be over. He's draging this out. I just wish he'd listen to his attorney and act like an adult. Just because he's not getting his way he's actually making more problems. I'm not fighting him on anything. I'm doing what my attorney tells me to do. I've been cooperative about giving him his clothes when he wants. True I won't let his son in the house, he wants to do a visual inspection because my H assumes that I've sold everything....unless the court orders a visual inspection I'm not randomly letting anyone in the house. Everything that was here when my H left is still here, except for the weekly garbage. I even have stuff to send to the good will and I haven't taken it yet because I don't want to get accused of anything missing. I've taken pictures of everything (with a date stamp on them) to prove that I have all the marital property still in the house. I've learned that I don't just take his word for what to do. I've told his son that if the court has ordered him to "inspect" i want to see paperwork from the court - there is none. That is unless my H and his attorney had a different hearing than the one that my attorney was at.

I have no problem being cooperative, I'll do what the court and my attorney tell me to do. I just wish my H would listen to his attorney and do what the court has told him. Again, he has only been orderd to pay TEMPORARY maintenance and like I said he's made 1 payment. He's acting like he has to pay this for the rest of his life and that's not true. The longer he goes with out paying the harder it will be for him.

I've also heard from various sources that he's just going file bankruptcy and stick me with all the debt. That will not free him from the court ordered payment. Like I said I don't want the house, I want out. I can't understand why he's doing this. He's said that he'll do what ever it takes to get back into the house.....why not do it the right honest way? I just don't get it.

Can you make the mortgage payments on what you make? You could change the divorce papers to read that you keep the house, refinance into just your name and he's out!

BMO
sorry to threadjack but do you have children that she moved with? If you do, then you need to immediately file a show cause motion for the immediate return of those children. If you don't then you will end up looking disinterested and the children will be permanently set up 250 miles away from you. How will you visit them?

This is serious and you should not delay. You should inform the lawyer of an emergency!!!

V.

Dana, my X did the same things. He said for 2 years he wanted the house and did nothing to make it happen. It took months post divorce for him to refi and get me off the house.

But, the attorneys drafted a document saying that he would buy me out of the house and at what price (which he tried to change until the day of the divorce). A letter like this would help you with renting, particularly if there are deadlines in the letter.

And what about Kayla & Andy's solution. It's time to think outside the box now, the way you are going isn't working. Try something else.

Dana,

Have your attorney file for permission to dispose of the marital assets. Then you can sell the house and he will not have a choice in the matter.

If he protests, do not stop the legal action, tell him you will withdraw your motion as soon as his refinance is signed off on.

Additionally you should know that the paperwork on a refi is only good for 30 days. He will have to redo everything now that he has dragged his feet for so long. I'm betting that he got turned down for the refi and doesn't want to give up on having the house.

This is typical passive aggressive behavior and I had to deal with the same issues throughout my divorce/custody/property settlement. What I ended up doing was to either figure out ways to outmaneuver him legally (one-upping the situation like the way I suggested to you), or I would figure out a way to leverage him. When he dragged his feet on the settlement I told him fine - the court will rule that we divide 50/50 and then they automatically take a 7% fee out for closing costs. That was the law and his lawyer probably backed me up (I'm sure he checked). He would make less money I pointed out than if he settled with me privately.
Another issue was custody. There again I knew the law and dug up case law examples showing that what I offered him was way more than reasonable. I told him that judges make decisions based on case law and that I was bringing these examples in to the next hearing/trial. He could either sign the paperwork of my reasonable offer or he could pay his lawyer an entire day's fee to get less than that because this offer would be off the table as soon as he forced me to take legal action.

Both times I made him fold I did it with the law and with logic. You have to find the weakness and take advantage of it. Don't feel sorry for him he is costing you thousands every time he delays things. I paid > $9,000 in legal fees while his were $3000 or so. I saved money by doing my own research, but it still cost me a lot more because he refused to do anything but sit on his obstinance and make things difficult.

Take charge and go to the mattresses! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

V.

While that sounds good, it doesn't always work. I tried to go the legal route, and his lawyer would delay saying "he wants to buy the house and he's trying to make it happen" Yeah right.

I spent way more on my D than Sunny because of the PA behavior, and my X would not fold. The passive-aggressives can't stop. So on custody, my x got less than what I had proposed and cost another $10k between us to get that. Go figure.
And logic goes out the window during a D, emotions take over.

Hi newly,

I had so much stuff - documents and real statutes, etc. This is why I believe he folded because he would call his lawyer and his lawyer would say "well yes, that could happen". I never relied on just telling him something myself because he wouldn't listen. If his lawyer had given my lawyer the brushoff like that I would have told my lawyer to tell his lawyer that she did not think the lawyer was acting in the best interest of his client by refusing a fair offer.

See this would scare the lawyer because it opens him up to liability and fee waivers. The lawyer would have been under some pressure then to convince the husband to accept a fair offer. Lawyers have rules too.

V.

Dana,

I'm in a similar place but in your H's shoes (at least house wise, my ex-Wife was the cheater)

I thought our agreement stated 6 months to settle. I don't know how many times I sent the agreement back with that written in.

Seems the agreement gave me 60 days to refinance. Well, I really don't want the house so I put it up for sale.

My XWW wants her money, blah blah blah. Well, she has to wait just like everyone else we owe until the home sells. I'm IRA/401(k) and equity rich, but cash poor.

I'm sure she is sitting there saying the same disrespectful (yes claiming he is not being an adult is disrespectful) things you are.

Maybe he is dragging his feet.

If you heard about the 40K second hand, do you really know what HE is saying, or has it been blown up as it passes from one set of ears to the next?

Dunno what to say about the court issue regarding your employment.

Maybe he doesn't want the house either (like in my case) and is trying to sell it.

It's real easy to get on the bash your ex bandwagon, but it really doesn't do any good.

My response to my ex's vitrolic request for her $7K in equity, or even her request for $3500. "Sorry, I don't have it."

Short, no explainations, no rising to the bait.

We will go crazy trying to figure these things out. I can just worry about what is on my side of the fence.

HTH,

T

SunnyVa, some clients don't listen to their lawyers. Mine didn't. I know both lawyers were fed up with my X, but then both profited greatly. I did a great deal of the work for both sides, and as long as X was stubborn (and acted against his lawyer's advice) it still dragged on.

BTW, this never stops. I can't get resolution to issues with the kids either.

Newly,

I guess one difference was that my ex couldn't afford to pay his lawyer so his lawyer didn't actively push his case while ex wasn't paying him.

Lawyers can be sued for incurring unnecessary expenses you know. They can also be found in contempt for unnecessarily impeding a case - just as your husband could.

It didn't stop with my former ex (not this one) until our dd was a teenager and he couldn't fight in court anymore because her wishes were then important. She had been through so much stuff with him that she hated his guts.

V.

Well in answer to some of the questions - no I cannot afford to make the payment on what I make. The court ordered him to pay TEMPORARY maintenance that is to go towards the house payment. I don't want to stay in the house, I want out of the house, however, my name on our mortgage is truly prohibiting me from doing this. No piece of paper will relieve me of the responsibility of the mortgage, I have to be removed from the mortgage. No matter what a legal document says, if a loan is joint and one party defaults on it, the bank will go to the other party seeking payment. I've never said that I won't leave the house, I've never said that I want him to pay for the house and I live in it. I want him to get me off the mortgage so I can leave the house, get out of the marriage and start my life anew.

I know that I made some mistakes, I own them, however, I am not going to continue to pay for them. I can't change the past, I can only learn from it.

The fact that my H is going into court, lying, outright lying, backs up the statement he made early on that he would do what ever it takes to get me out of the house. Why not just do the right, honest thing? Lies will be exposed and that will only cause more problems.

It may be disrespectful to say he's acting like a spoiled child, what would you call this type of behavior? I just want to be free from him. That's all I want.

Dana,

You asked for legal advice and I gave it to you. I noticed that you answered posters that gave you emotional advice. I want you to listen closely.

The only way you can force him to do something is to take the decision away from him.

Call your lawyer. Demand an emergency property settlement meeting with the judge and have the lawyer file papers saying that there is a change in circumstance. Namely that he is not paying the temporary support. One angle could be to file for garnishment of his wages. That would temporarily solve the issue. The other angle would be to simultaneously file for permission to dispose of the marital assets.
Once the judge gives you permission (an order) to dispose of the assets you can sell the house unilaterally without your stbx interferring.
I guarantee you that there is a statute in your state for this. In fact if you tell me what state you are in I will find it for you to give to your lawyer if he does not follow your instructions.
That by the way is what lawyers do - they aren't there to tell you what to do. They are there to follow your instructions and represent your interests. If your interests or desires are off-base they don't care! They still get paid and they get paid just doing what you asked so are untouchable.

V.

Sunny,
I know it sounds easy, but Dana is tied in the emotional (and financial) struggles right now.
My x did all that too. And yes you can take legal resource, but who has the energy and money for that.

My friend is suing my atty for what you've described. My atty was expensive, but was able to strongarm my X's atty, and finally pushed things through. I know it sounds like she has the law on her side, but it doesn't always solve issues.

I think garnishing the wages is a great idea. My X was due to pay toward the mortgage too, and he stopped paying just to be mean. Just because it's ordered doesn't mean it's collected or on a timely basis.

Dana, call the mortgage company and explain the situation. let them know this is a divorce and ask about refinancing the house. You could get they paperwork started for your X to refi with your current mortgage company. The question is "How much are you willing to do to resolve this on your schedule?".

Take action or stop talking.

I understand what you've said. I don't want to sell the house, I want out of the house. My H wants it and he can have it. He can afford it, I can't. He's been ordered to pay maintenance to me to be put towards the house payment, which since I've only received 1 check I did do that and he doesn't seem to want to follow the court order because he's not in the house.

All i want is for him to finish his refinancing process and get me off the mortgage. I can then move on with my life. It was mentioned that I should do this for him, I don't know that would be allowed for me to start the process for him, i believe that he would have to do that.

I live in Illinois to answer your question.

nevermind...

You can not start the process for him - ultimately it has to be his signature on everything unless you have a court order.

If you file for what I told you to file for, and your stbx refinances (because you gave him a little push and the filed paperwork will upset him when he gets it) then your outcome will be what you wanted. If the push doesn't work, you get to sell the house which will take your name off the mortgage.

It's a win win situation.

V.