I'm supposed to be in plan B heading towards a divorce but every few days I can't stop myself from contacting WH. I know that it accomplishes nothing and only makes me feel worse. So why do I do it? I know I'm withdrawaling from him and I need to go cold turkey but sometimes I just can't help myself. Most recently when I've tried to contact him
he either ignores me or is very curt. He obviously has made his decision. I know that I don't have what it takes to recover our R, so....Why can't I just move on?

It seems like every 3rd day is a very low day for me.

I am not as far along as you, but I don't think anything is wrong with you. I make a decision not to call her for a night while she is "thinking" out God knows where. I figure I act like it does not bother me. Then I call. No Answer. I call again to say that I didn't really need anything, justgoing to bed, kids wanted to tell her goodnight, some excuse. Still no answer. Repeat 10 or 20 times. Then I feel so stupid for letting her know that I was thinking about her all night. So if something is wrong with you, it's wrong with me too. Hang in there.

Newlywed55, I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I do, however, think you'll feel better once you embrace your Plan B. I am now 3-1/2 weeks into my Plan B. It has not been easy, and I let my curiosity get the better of me a time or two, but I have not actually spoken to WH since May 22 (including email, phone, letter, etc.).

Yes, I still think about my WH a lot (my 40+ page thread is proof of that, LOL), but everyone was right when they said I'd feel better once I removed myself from the chaos of WH's affair.

I don't pretend to be qualified to offer you advice. Hopefully, others who have more experience will chime in later. This is just my experience.

I hope you feel better!

Hi newlywed!

I'm doing a Plan A right now with my WH. The key for getting myself on my own road to personal recovery and implementing a good, solid Plan A with as few LBs as possible is letting go. I think that it is high time that you let go. Free your WH and free yourself.

Sometimes I think that our WH are a bad habit. We are so accustomed to talking to them that it hard to break the habit. Give yourself a little time. There's nothing wrong with you.

newlywed, I'm sorry you're hurting and I do understand the desire for contact.

Not only is it hurting your feelings, though, it's also undermining the overall plan. A bad Plan B is worse than no Plan B at all. Decide to start all over, or go back to Plan A.

One minute at a time..just focus on that. If a WS can be addicted to an OP..it's reasonable to expect that a BS would feel the same towards the WS.

Best of luck to you, I know it's hard.

Yes. You are right. I must let go. Wow ... easier said then done...but it'll happen.

I had a dream last night that I ran into my WH and the OW. He invited me to hang out with them. I did only because I was curious. Anyway, to make a long story short he was constantly trying to impress her and she acted like she could care less. And I sat there trying to get his attention and he mostly ignored me or looked past me to stare at her. She was very nice to me ...almost as if she was trying to be my friend. I ended up saying to her face everything that I've debating saying to her in an email. Then I woke up.

.... A compact mini-movie of what is really happening. He is infatuated (his word!) with her and she is totally playing him (I've seen the emails). And all I want is for him to let me love him but he cannot see me. Even now he cannot see my pain...nor does he want to.

I know that he is trying to make this impending divorce my fault. After all he "tried" (for a day). I hate that word... you don't try...you do it. And I'm the one who moved out (to implement plan B...I couldn't stand to be there in 'our' place by myself). So he says I left him....only physically ...he left me emotionally and mentally a long time ago. Whatever it makes him feel better about his rotten life (and its a good sob story to pick up girls, I guess)........