Our recovery has been going realy well. Just wanted to let you know.

I am coming up on DDay 1 year anniversary. Fathers Day weekend was not good last year. Anyway I guess I have just had things on my mind.

I asked my FWH if they had Hot Passionate Sex. He said yes. I also asked if the sex was better. He said yes.

It has really blew my mind. He tried to explain and make jokes about it being hot in her garage (that is where they always had sex, go figure?) He said it was better becuase it was wrong. It was the thrill of doing what he knew he should not be doing.

I know all this. Why did I ask? It is really hard. How do I live with his answers? Our sex life has always been very important to me and I have always worked very hard to make sure that he was satisfied.

Do I want to have to live with this for the rest of my life?

Lifted Up

Yes, or you wouldn't have asked the question.

Your husband told you the truth, as he perceived it, when you asked him a question. THAT is more important than any "hot sex." But that's my humble opinion.




"Forbidden" anything tends to give humans a "rush" of excitement as I'm sure it did for Eve when she coveted the apple.

Was it "better?" That's a very subjective term. Better than what? Better in the sense that they can have sex without any total commitment? Better in that it fulfils a need for an emotional ejaculation but not a "procreative" function with a lifetime committed spouse? Better than "to know" biblblically rather than "to lie with" physically?

Better than enjoying a slow cooked prime steak on a barbeque instead of ravishing a "steak tartar?"

Better than a loving, committed relationship instead of "romp in the hay" followed by the guilty feelings....some "better."

Are you, and your husband, confusing "technique" with quality? Do the Porn stars have "better sex" or does a commited and loving couple have "better sex?'

God gave us Love....we pervert it into "just sex."

God gave us marriage....we pervert it into rutting and "being in heat" just like so many animals.

God bless.

I know that him being honest was the most important. We are very lucky that we can both talk about the affair and feel safe in what we say or do.

I knew when I asked the question I would not like the answer. It just hurt my feelings.

I wanted to know if the sex was better than our sex. You post made me realize that making love or sex or whatever you want to call it is the icing on the cake in a marriage. This act in a marriage is a blessing and it should not be expected.

((((((((( LiftedUP ))))))))))

Hugs to you....it's hard nonetheless.

I wish I knew what questions would help build up the marriage and destroy the affair, because those are the questions I want to ask.

What do you think about this question....

Was sex with her a blessing?

I like how someone always refered to the MOW as Jake's wife. I know that I have a masochistic tendency to want to know answers to questions that glorify the A and minimize me. So far my solution has been to not ask them, but that is because I avoid conflict.

Dont be afraid to ask the Need to know questions , even thought they hurt!
I would ask WH questions about OW and i would get a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach dreading why i even asked? but it lead us into a discussion on in regards to our needs. We actually found the answers to why the A even happened.
We have both aggreed that the A was a blessing in disguise, it awakened our M , our needs, our friendship and relationship with eachother. Sounds weird but true.

We always considered our sex life as "love-making" it was never just "sex". But thats what he wanted sometimes the thrill of just having "sex" and "F***ing". We have decided to make our love-making more interesting , not just do it in bed, try something different , meeting at hotels with me in a wig dressed different,(for example) just mixing it up a bit! We have decided that, thats what we will do once he gets back, but he fears that he cannot be faithful to just one woman! (thats a workin problem)