My wife and I have been married for 6 years. We have two amazing children. My wife works part time (couple hours a week) in the evenings. I don't know a lot about the people she works with...but have met them and they seem nice. One day, she said she was going out with people from work to have some drinks, etc. I have NEVER in any relationship been one to have a problem with this. I'm not a jealous person by nature. I'm not posessive. My thoughts have always been, if a person has an affair, it's because they are mising something at home (At least the first time). My problem is this..she lied to me twice now about her whereabouts during these times when she was supposed to be out with people from work. I found out and approached her about her being out with another man at a bar. She admitted to just a good night kiss and that she had lied to me. I even caught her once on the phone with this guy and she was actually mad at ME for it. We have since talked...and I told her we need to move on. I love my wife with all of my heart and soul...she has NEVER given me a reason to worry until now. My children and my marriage are exceptionally important to me. The problem I'm having is trust. I know the problem is with me...I just find myself "verifying" everything she does. I've even thought about following her to work...or maybe seeing if this person that she was caught with (Who sometimes has legitimate business at her place of employment)is waiting to see/talk to her before she comes home in the evening...

Am I wrong in being untrusting? Am I wrong for literally trying to keep track of her every move now? She has even admitted that she has never been with someone that was as trusting and unimposing as me. But now I find myself feeling like I'm one of those idiots that is trying to track every move. I know in my heart marriage shouldn't be this way...but again...I also don't want to be made an idiot of again. I provide a VERY comfortable living for my family. My work doesn't take me away from home other than 40 hours a week...and the rest of the time I spend doing things with my family, wife, children, etc. Any advice would be appreciated on how to regain this trust and stop feeling like I need to keep track of her.

Ok - listen do not blame yourself - your wife has lied to you a few times. That is the cause for this. I think you are having gut feeling and are worried. Justifibly so. I would ask her if she were to go out again without you if you could go along. Or to relieve yourself just show up- get a babysitter and just arrive where she is supposed to be. This will confirm everything right away. The anger and lies are a real signal you need to be aware of. I will not tell you my story but let me tell you lies, and anger go along with this. It could be nothing but pay attention to your gut.

I honestly do have a gut feeling...but I also feel like the first step to regain trust in a relationship is to give it no matter how hard that is. I do wonder if there was more than just a "good night kiss". I have thought about just showing up where she says she is going...but two things come up. First, I usually find out last minute...it's VERY difficult to find a last minute babysitter...

Secondly, how do I explain myself when I do show up..."Sorry hun, I didn't trust you?" Or when she says, I thought we were going to try to move on. Or even worse yet...if I find her in a bar again with this guy? I guess I have a lot of questions that nobody can really answer...but opinions help. Thanks for the reply.

Do you have parents that live close? I would just say if I showed up - Honey - I just being with you and after you called I thought it would be fun to be with you -so I called and got a sitter for us to have fun together. If you find her with this guy again then you do not have to say anything. I would just leave. How about calling her like 1/2 hr before she leaves work? Find out how its going.

It's not a matter of you learning to trust her.
It's a matter of her EARNING your trust.

Honestly...calling her parents last minute...and asking for them to come watch the kids...would set off an alarm with them. They know something isn't right...and they know it has to do with her. I am embarassed of the situation and would rather not get them involved...but maybe that is my only way of feeling more comfortable.

I do call her when she is about to leave work...typically...she doesn't stay on the phone with me for more than a minute or two...keep in mind...the call is free...and the drive is only 15 or so minutes. That is the part I question. Why not talk to me? Esspecialy if it makes me feel better.

How can I have her earn my trust when I can't verify what she is doing? I feel like the only true way to verify anything is if I see it with my own eyes...not by word of mouth, or by hunting around. She now knows that I watch specific things...so I found that now the items I watch, have literally not been getting used.

She admitted to just a good night kiss and that she had lied to me. I even caught her once on the phone with this guy and she was actually mad at ME for it. We have since talked...and I told her we need to move on.
So she immediately quit seeing & talking with this guy in any way at all?

How can I have her earn my trust
You can't unless she wants to do it.

Well...that is what she tells me. Keep in mind that this guy does have legitimate business at her work. So she obviously sees him. But outside of her work she says she has not.

Keep in mind that this guy does have legitimate business at her work. So she obviously sees him.
Well, she obviously NEEDS to get a new job and not see him at work (or anywhere else).