I'm getting fustrated. How will I ever let this stuff go. ok so in the past few weeks things have been great between me and my H. i'd say almost back to normal. EXCEPT a few things. and most of them are with ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok there are still those qusetions that i had said before how i have no way of knowing if he contacts her at all at work but i have taken a leap of faith and have gained about 70 percent trust in that area! here are somethings i'm having trouble with.

(I do not get any gut feelings or that feeling that I KNOW something is going on. most of this is just thougths that are in my head)

EXAMPLES:
1. today he was leaving for work and he put on some clogone (something he doesnt do on a reagular basis) now i know hes going to work... but yet i still have doubts/thoughts in my head

2. i have been having these dreams about 3 nights a week at least sometimes more of him with someoen else. not even OW just wierd dreams

3. I still doubt our future. Like we are in the processes of getting a bankrutpcy. the ct. date is on friday. and i'm so scared half the time that after that is over he is gone. Now the majority of the time i think that thought is stupid. everything we are doing is planning for our future and we have plenty of plans but every so often the thought creeps into my head and i start worrying. then that leads t o me wondering if he tells the people at work why he's going to court. what if he tells them he's going for a divorce or if he tells them as soon as its over hes leaving me.


Now there are more examples... but still its like every so often things are going good and bang thesae thoguths pop into my head. i'm still doing so much better then before when suspious thoughts occupied my mind almost 24/7. but now its more like at least once a day they pop up. Then i struggle to get them out of my head. and either they go away or i dwell on it all day.


Will i ever get over these things. on the most part i feel pretty good about the direction our marriage is going but then i have these thoughts i feel like i take 5 steps back

Yes you will get over it but your H needs to help you get closure. When these anxiety moments hit, he needs to be informed (maybe not right away - depending) but you need to have open communication with him so that he can help you. Don't be whiney or nagging but let him know you are having a hard time putting closure on this.

It is because of the loss of trust. This takes longer to reconcile than anything else. IMHO.

Give Steve @ MB a call.

L.

Most of the time i have a hard time telling my husband things ilke this. i dont think he understands (he doesnt get mad or anything) he just cant belive its been 2 years since dday, 1 1/2 years-* since he- moved- back home. but only about 2 months since i know he attempted contact and only 10 months since i konw he had contact......

but he just sees its been so long i shouldnt be doing this to myself any more..


or my other problem i feel like i get defensive or distant and he can tell i'm agitated.

another example. i just found out that he has outside email acess again. not sure how long he has had it. and i'm nervous he has or will email OW but its another thing i will NEVER Know. hes also depressed b/c they had like 7/9 people he worked with for 7 years now the last one besides him found a new job and today is there last day. now he is depserate to get a new job. and hes depreswed again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


Now he emailed me again to say there changing his account in 4 weeks and he refuses to do that i tried to call and talk about it and see what i could do to helop. i was a bit agitated. he wants to just quit we can not afford to live off of my income alone. i feel if he started looking for a job first and foudn one then he'd be able to quit.... he is fustrated. i'm fustrated and i'm scared of what his fustratin will lead to? ughh

ML,

Every time the WS has contact (physically, mentally, emotionally, etc.), it sets the recovery back in many cases to square -1..... So even though it has been all those days, weeks, months etc since the last whateva', any recent contact undoes all the time spent. Do you understand what I am saying?

I would let him know this fact. Then let him know he can continue to ruin your chances of recovery or help you. Let him tell you which one it w/b, then watch his actions.

L.