Talk to a lawyer ASAP....charge it to the CC if you have to. DO NOT let him know ANYTHING untill you have taken some preliminary steps in getting some financial position back. You are on a limb here with him making all of the money, so you have to be smart and protect yourself here.

I am worried for you. Take care of yourself and DO NOT TRUST ANYTHING HE SAYS OR DOES NOW. He is a WAYWARD and will lie, cheat, do whatever to rationalize what he is doing to you.

Line up your ducks before confronting him.

LM

Michele, I would be prepared for anything, but I wouldn't be so sure he will move out. They usually don't. If he does move out, you might want to be poised to pull at least half the money out of the savings account. Can you do this? If he does try to keep money from you, you will have to get a court order for spousal and child support.

I am SOOO sorry...

You are now on the path that will set your life aright...with or without your WH...

Be strong for your kids...they are the ones you are REALLY fighting for...don't lose sight of that.

Looking for your posts,

WNB

I will talk to a lawyer concerning the money before I confront him. My in laws have money and they would not let their grandkids go hungry. They are my safety net. They are behind me 100%. They can't believe they raised such a man. I think I can get into the savings account through his online account, but not officially.

I just have to get through tomorrow and tomorrow night. He'll be going over there early evening. He told me OW H is leaving 11am. So H will be dying to go. Prayer they get some evidence.Thanks again for every ounce of help you all give.

Well, this is good, but NOT ENOUGH. Even the most "supportive" Waywards families will "turn" if fed enough B$. Remember blood is thicker than water. Waywards have an uncanny ability to "spin" the B$, and before you know it, you will be made out to be a psycho, controlling , emotionally abusive wife that "made" him do this.

Get this sorted out with help outsie of the family also. I can not stress this enough.

LM

Thanks for the advice. Things are starting to get busy. I leave tomorrow with the kids. He has the whole day off and so does OW. She also has taken Thurs and Fri off too. How convenient and coincidental. The PI has been notified and he's going to tail him when I leave. Let's hope we get something this time. This is killing me.

Ok Things are starting to move really fast. H was supposed to fish today, but the weather changed so he couldn't I knew other OW was to go with him and a few other guys. So he cancelled quicker than usual. He seemed relieved that the weather was bad. So now I headed to the beach with the kids as planned. He has the day off and so does the OW. That's the scenario. Early when we woke up I made myself available and he declined graciously. I did not push because I knew he was saving himself for her. He had run out of Cialis and so I knew he would get to her early so there would be no doubt of his performance. It was so clear to me. So I informed the PI and he finally caught up with them at her house. PI stayed there until they came out 1 1/2 hours later and then followed them around. Matter of fact he's still following them around. Hopefully, they'll go back to her house and that may count as another encounter and I would have all the evidence that I need.

Now comes the tricky part. I could not get the book. I checked 3 stores and it was not there. I ordered online and it hasn't gotten here yet. Maybe tomorrow. I will call the lawyer tomorrow to make sure I'm protected with the finances. I love the man and I told him that this morning before I left. I really don't want a divorce I have my kids to thimk about. So I'm scared here. Really the two of them could just run off if I tell the OW h. They are both dentists, they both LOVE to fish. It is their life.Period. She would be a prize to him and he is a man that will help her do what ever she wants. So I really don't know about exposing first to OW H. I would expose to her CO before anything else. I just feel so bad telling OW H. I know the pain I'm feeling and I can't imagine doing this to someone else. And like I said that could just give her a reason to latch on to my H. And I'd never get him back. I'm just not seeing the logic. All they would have to do is wait out the scandal. They could even open a practise together down the road. I feel like I'm setting it up if I expose to OW H.

So I need some advice. Obviously, I won't expose until all ducks are in a row which should be tomorrow. I'd like to expose to her CO. She won't be working Thurs or Fri so I could call then. Then I'd like to confront them together after a day of fishing. When they see me there they will know. But if the PI follows them to my house for the night, I don't think that I could possibly stand them there and I would have to go home and do it there. As long as the PI has enough. Please because I have not gotten the book I don't know if this is totally wrong. I want him to see more of the pain then the anger. So I think that will be my approach.

I've been hugging on him, kissing him and loving on him as much as I could this past week. I wanted him to know that I truly love him. I wanted him to know what there could be. So any body with some advice, please, please help.

Michele, I have been lurking for about a month. I have followed your story. You motivated me to register with your last post.

You are thinking of confronting WH and OW together? Please tell me you won't do that! It is potentially way too charged with emotions. Could be very dangerous!

What if your WH sides with her initially? What if he tells you in front of her that he chooses her? That could make any BS go into a rage. Or it could cause great humiliation. Even if you think you could handle it please don't do it that way. I think you should confront WH alone.


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I certainly agree with KAJ. Do not confront them together. They are both in the A Fog, and it could be very humiliating, not to mention dangerous.

However, there is no way you should permit this b***h to be in your home. I would suggest you tell your H you are going to go home tomorrow night no matter what. Your home is your refuge. If H & OW go there, it will ruin your home for you. There are MB-ers here who sold their home after WS & OP had a tryst there.

You do not need to rush this. Time is on your side.

And, definitely expose to the CO.

Michele, the most important exposure will be to the OWH. This exposure often spells the death knell to the affair. See, she has no intention of losing her H or she would have already left him. That is why she is sneaking around to do this. Exposure to the spouse is the ruination of the affair and you must do it. It has to be done, and should be done first.

Don't think you are hurting him; you are helping him. What has hurt him is the affair and he is being destroyed behind his back. If he knows then he has a chance to protect himself from his W and your H. He will have a chance to save his marriage. It is imperative that you tell him, Michele.

If you think you can walk in your house and confront them without going crazy, I see no reason why not. It certainly removes any deniability. And I would not sit by idly if there was a skank in my house. I would walk in and just stand there. Let them do all the talking.

Michele, you have been given so much good advice in these 5 pages. I hope it has been some solace. I really feel for you.

Healing is right about trying to prevent a tryst in your home. It would be so evil for your WH to allow them to go there. But, it is so common.

OW can't just go out and set up a private practice with your WH. She has to finish her military service. You shouldn't worry about that right now.

Melody is dead on about confronting OWH. He is going to find out most likely anyway. Why not let it be from you before WH and OW have a chance to spin their tale? You are not the source of any pain he may feel: They are!

I don't think you can gage if you will go crazy or not if you confront the two of them. If it ends up the 2 of them against you it will not be pretty. (Well, it won't be nice no matter how it comes down. . .)

Did you ever hear or read the story of Clara Harris (Houston dentist married to a cheating dentist)? Since you mentioned that WH and OW are dentists I thought you might be interested. It was all over the news and you can find it in the Houston Chronicle. Dr. Clara did not seem to be a person who would crack. But, when her husband sided with the OW as she confronted them it was more than she could stand. Her PI had told her under no circumstances to confront the pair. She did anyway under the influence of rage. She ran her car over the other Dr. Harris (killing him) and is serving a long term in jail. Lost her husband, her kids and career.

But, for the grace of God, go other betrayed spouses!

I tried to post yesterday, but this bookstore comp went down and I had to go. I see your points about confronting them together. Problem is if I don't do it when they are together then I won't get the chance to confront her. And I must confront her. Here's what's been happening:

They left her place Mon morn. Went to our boat and went to lunch at a nearby rest hand in hand. After lunch they went into the berth of the boat for a couple of hours and then left. The Pi lost them in traffic. he went to OW house but H car could not be found. I called home, but no answer. He was at OW house but we couldn't prove it. After that I realized he would spend every night there. So I called the PI and had him followed last night (Tues) after his meeting and sure enough he showed up at OW house. The PI hasn't called me this morning to let me know how long he was there.
Just more evidence.
Now my problem is this. She is off Thurs and Fri. I really think he wants to show her our house. I would not be surprised if they went there tonight. H still has to work. So the PI is going to follow them right after work. What if they go to my house? I have an appointment with the lawyer Fri. He wanted to meet before I confront, but If the PI calls me and tells me that they are in my house, should I go? My ducks are not completely in a row. They would be there in MY BED together and I wouldn't be able to get there for 2 hours. But if they don't go there I can hang until this weekend to have my DDay.

OW H phone number is in my house. I didn't bring that stuff with me. If I confronteed them at my house I would have to expose to her husband moments later after they left. I suspect it would be late at night. So it doesn't seem like the best idea to do this. No matter how bad it feels to have them there doing it, logically I should just let them go and confront this weekend after lawyer appointment. I would have to deal with my house later. It's a great house on the water. We built it in 1999. Our dream house. I don't know how I will feel. I prayer he doesn't take her there. I can hang ok if they are at her house. Please, you all are so kind to help, keep it coming. I will check back later to see new posts. We

bump

M,

No way should you let this occur in you home. You wil not be able to be comfortable there ever again.

Do whatever necessary. Just get home. Say you are sick, say anything, just be at home.

Personally, I do not know why you need to see the lawyer b/f you confront. Others may chime in here. But, I would go home asap, get the OWH's telephone # and expose with what you've got now. It sounds like you have enough.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Michelle,

If you get a call from the PI and they are out your house, I say call OWH and go there together. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

BTW...is OWH military?

God Bless,

Doug

Michele,

You've got your proof. Just stay focused and as calm as possible. You hold all the cards. Hope you were able to have some fun the kids all considering.

PI followed H to her house again last night. Thank God it wasn't my house. Prayers have been answered there.

I do not know why the lawyer wants me to see him first. I guess he wants to make sure I have all we need. Which I believe we do.

OW H is Navy. She's Coast Guard. The two people in my confidence are my in laws, believe it or not. We were talking about exposing to OW H. And the thought crossed my mind that what if he is a jealous maniac? I could actually be putting my husband's life in danger. My FIL said it could be a possibility, but you never know and that he must be told. I'm a bit worried about that.

I think we have 1 night left to get more stuff on them. I'm not sure when OW H will come back. I really hope it is today.

I think I'm doing ok. I dream about it now and they are bad dreams. It's always that he picks her. I know that I have to be prepared for that. But it's almost unbearable. I wake up in the morning and it's definitely the worst part of the day. I can eat a little and sleep a little. Sominex helps alot. The kids are having a good time. At times I can too, but it doesn't last. The thought of my world completely changing in a couple of days is frightening. I don't even know what will happen in my life next week! It's almost done now. I'll check back in the morning if not sooner to check any posts. Thank you all again.

Michelle,

You are doing great. Good for you.

Jealous maniac? Always possible, but unlikely. Still, your FIL is right, he must be told. Optimally, he deserves the chance to correct what he's done wrong in his marriage. He also deserves to know in case he wants to leave.

Good luck.

I am a military wife and all I can tell you is this,

It is true that the military does not look lightly on such things as this. BUT, the military WILL protect it's own especially higher ranks. Right now they are letting a lot of stuff slide/pushing stuff under the rug. The most they "may" do to her right now is move her to another location. If your husband was military there would be more of a chance of punishment for her and him. If one of the cheaters is a civilian the military will most likely turn their heads the other way.

Infidelity is very high in the military especially now with all the deployments and stress on the soldiers and loved ones.

My husband had an affair with another soldiers wife (her husband is the same rank as him). Believe me, I wanted to go for blood when I first found out esp. since her husband was in Iraq dodging bullets during the first month of their affair. I had to take a deeeeeeeeeeeeep breath and think about it. IF I confronted the husband of this thoughtless woman I was risking mine and my childrens future also. She would not be penalized at all for her actions (and I mean in rank/pay/retirement) if he wanted to take this to JAG. I have to settle with the fact she has to live with her guilt and look her husband in the eyes knowing where he has been and what he has seen and what he has sacraficed while she was safe back home and cheating on him.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeew ( a little venting there!)

My thoughts are with you Michele!

Michelle,
Sorry to hear what happened. Your problem is similar to mine, except that my wife was the one who had an affair with a US military officer. Very long story. I got all the necessary evidence to prove the adulterous relationship, but up to now I cannot file the case against them. Hard for me because my wife will be included in the charge. I dont want to destroy her reputation either as of this period.
I recommend the book of Dr. James Dobson entitled Love Must be Tough, it help me a lot. After applying those principles in the book for several months, my wife just repented lately after I presented to her those evidences I gathered, she promised to cut all forms of communications with the guy. I cannot trust her totally up to this writing, but the good thing is we are now in the process of reconciliation.