Hello everyone.

I don't know how I stumbled upon this site, but I'm thankful I did. It's eased me some to know that what I'm going through is not unique and that there can be a light someplace. (Not that I can see it yet)

I found out my H was having an A with a coworker after I installed spyware on his home PC. Based on what I read they had not yet done anything beyone kissing, but were in a full on EA and rapidly approaching the PA. She is still married and just separated from her H and living with her parents.

I confronted him and he denied it until I showed him the proof. Only then did he admit to what I had discovered, nothing more.

After discussing it and hearing him tell me that he married me for the wrong reasons (because it felt good for him to be loved) and not because he loved me as a husband should, he decided to move to his mother's house. He said we'd go to MC and that he would make the appointment. He said he'd end it with her (that in fact it was already over because he told her about his felony charge because he was afraid I would first and she hasn't looked him the same since) and make our marriage a priority.

Well, it's Wednesday evening and still no MC appointment made. H claims no dr's have called back. I only talk to him if I call. His family had become my family and now I've been abandoned by them. I have no one here really.
I'm currently unemployed because we got into an auto accident in April that caused me to spend some time in the hospital and lose my job. I'm looking for a new one, but in the meantime I have loads of time on my hands to do nothing but THINK.

I know I should stop calling him, stop contacting him altogether at this point. I'm certain he's not through with the cOW even though she may be with him. I am seeing a therapist to help me cope but we've only just started.

Oh, I did tell the OW's H about the A and provided him with the proof.

Thanks for listening.

Do you have children?

You say that your WH wants to work on things? Is he willing to move back home?

Try not calling him for a few days......and don't answer when he calls....make him wonder what you're up to.

-Caren

No, we do not have children.

We did go on a "date" Sunday night. He called me and asked me to go to a movie. It was actually nice. We went to a late show and had dinner first. I greeted him at the door with a hug and a kiss which seemed to surprise him, but he looked happy too. I set the tone for things I think.

He was attentive, affectionate, complimentary and even a little confident. It was nice to have him back for a short while. I asked him a few questions about the A during the evening and he answered them without getting upset or angry and I thanked him for that. However, he went back to his mother's at the end and I didn't push.

I am scared that he's not willing to come home. He came by Monday night and took his PC. It's as though he's making himself more comfortable. I feel like, with the weekend he was apart from her and had the time to think of us and now he's back to work seeing her daily and gone back into his fog.

It sounds like that affair is still going on. He said he wanted to work on the marriage, but he is not showing you that.

You said they work together, did you expose the affair to his boss? His friends? I think I would still expose to this woman's separated husband, if I were you. Does his family know about the affair, or just that you're having problems?

I think that he's blowing smoke telling you that the A is over.



-Caren

They have the same boss and yes, I told him on Friday. At first he did not believe me and frankly, my WH may have since convinced him that I have overreacted and there is/was no A.

His family knows. His friends think that I have overreacted to his friendship with the OW and believe him that there is nothing going on. I figure that without showing them the proof it will become a he said/she said fight. Is it best to tell his friends?

Wow, Caren took the words right out of my mouth! I hate to say this, but the signs are there. As a FWW, I would know. During this stage of A, I was simply trying to "appease" my H by doing things w/ him, but my heart wasn't really in it.

Can you confirm that the A is over and that there is absolutely NC?

No, can't confirm it's really over and that there is NC.

I sent an email to the OW tonight that said this:

"Please break off any contact with my husband immediately. Limit your professional contact with him to phone calls and emails and end this now. This includes lunches and dinners. "

I found out that he's told his friends at the office that we are separated(!) because I am overreacting to his friendship with OW. Obviously, it's still in progress. I can only wait and see, I guess.

That's what I mean by where to get the strength??

Dear STWP,

You have much more strength than you realize - and you'll need it for the foreseeable future. Please stay with us, and we'll all help you through. If the great folks on this board can help a lost soul like me, they can help anyone!!!

I concur w/ Caren. At this time, the key is to confirm that he is still in contact w/ the OM. And, if so, then, expose the A to everyone that can read or listen. Make the A as humiliating and uncomfortable as possible so that you can create turmoil within a already-fragile situation. It's true, you will probably tick off your H, but would you rather have your H live happily ever after w/ the OM while you just stood there helpless, watching from the sidelines? In the meantime, start studying up on Plan A from this website. Read the entire section on Infidelity a couple of times, as there is a lot of information, and it may not sink in at first. There's great material and support here. Please hang in there with us!

Keep writing and keep the faith. You'll fine the strength, I promise you.