I have been reading this website for a while and decided I need some of the great advice and opinions I've been reading. Here's my sitch.
My wife and I have been married for 3.5 yrs and have been together for six. We have a 21 month old little girl. Four months ago she decided she wants out of the marriage and moves out. Actually she's been in and out (of the house) for the past 11 months, but for good the last four. She has filed for divorce but I think she expects me to do the rest. I helped her for awhile then gave up on her dragging her feet. For one thing, why should I help her with the divorce when she's the only one who wants it. She has been in an affair. I'm not sure how long, at least four months, but I assume longer. She is now living with the other man and has been. One thing that confuses me is that the day before she left she wrote me a note telling me how important and special I was to her and that she loved me.
From Feb 14 til Mar 19 she didn't see her daughter. I have given in quite abit about her taking her for several hours. Then I gave in even more and let her take her over night. That happened twice. I have since backed off of the overnighters because she lives with OM. She does not like that one bit. I think I'm looking out for the best interest of my daughter and I'm trying to protect her. WW's lawyer says I'm wrong (according to WW) to keep her from her daughter. Now she hasn't spend but three hours with DD in the last three weeks. What do you thing? Am I wrong?

1st thing you need to do is purchase and read Surviving an Affair. It will tell you about the dynamics of an affair, and how or why your marriage might have been vulnerable.

This valuable information will give you a plan on HOW to help end the affair, and how to win your wife back.

Until you purchase the book, go to the home page and start exploring this site. Also read other "thread" and see how people are handling their own "affairs". There is much to learn, and once educated, much to do.

You will need to begin to be proactive in saving your marriage. This means doing some things that will seem counterintuitive, but you'll have to get past that.

Gather all the evidence of the affair that you can, evidence that would be worthy in a court of law. Hire a PI for pictures, get phone records, e-mail copies, receipts for gifts, meals, hotels, trips they might have had together.

Prepare yourself for a battle. YOU will have to be the one who shoulders the load of getting your W(ife) back, because unless the affair comes to a natural end, you may be sad and lonely for some time.

Your instincts on keeping your child from spending ANY time with the OM (other man) are right on the mark. But don't do anything drastic until we know more about your situation, and, until you have read Surviving an Affair.

Best wishes,
SD

Thanks for your reply SD.
I have order the book, just waiting for it to arrive.
One question though. Why do I need evidence of the affair?

You need evidence for custody, and you will find that even in no fault states her affair may adjust how the judge treats you. Please seek legal advice NOW, you need to protect yourself and your child.

I am betting this affair has been going on for a little over a year given what you said. Have you exposed the affair to her family, her friends? If not you should it is part of plan A. Please read about plan A and plan B on this site.

You have a two pronged battle to deal with here. You need to try and save the marriage by exposing the affair and offering her a chance (plan A), and you need to protect yourself and your child from her behavior. You need a lawyer for the latter and you need to document how much you have had and you do have your child to care for.

You are at a huge disadvantage in divorce court because you are male, and the only way to address it is with data and evidence and good legal counsel, so get with it.

God Bless,

JL