Hi again,

This has been a tough week. My wife went on vacation with her parents and took our daughter. I used a lot of leave after d-day, so I didn't have enough to go, and also at the time they were planning the trip, we weren't sure we would still be married.

As of today, my plans are to still go ahead with the divorce. Prior to leaving, my wife was still not talking about, well anything. She had just had contact with the OM, and she didn't want to address what this betrayal meant to me or our relationship. She was just mad that I had someone spy on her and that I showed up and confronted her in front of her co-workers.

She's not sure she wants to divorce, but she's not happy and she's not willing to change.

So here I am at home alone for the past 3 nights going through everything that happened and all the lies she's told and refused to address. I've considered calling the OM or his live-in girlfriend, but I just don't know if I want them to be in my life in any way. It feels wrong for some reason. Even knowing that I am most likely heading to divorce, I still don't have any resolution.

I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself and wanting to vent.

Hope everyone is doing well,

GTO

GTO, well, for a vent that was pretty tame, and you don't seem to know how to through a really good pity party. I wish I had some of my posts from when I first registered!!! "Woe is me" over and over again.

One of the hardest things about the end of a relationship is the lack of resolution. There is no such thing as closure. Also it seems to be the lot of the BS's to relive their lives step by step with the new knowledge of the affair. Each event and conversation are relived and intrepretted anew with the knowledge of the affair.

Unfortunately, people usually do this when they are alone and vulnerable. So, how long is your daughter gone for? How many more nights do you have to get through?

I'd like to suggest movies or books as well as friends to fill up some of that time. Or if you are project oriented, a new project.

They won't be back until Monday night. The wierd thing is, my wife is calling me daily to check in. She constantly giving mixed signals.

I'm going to my brothers for dinner tonight and maybe a movie on Friday.

I read a book every night, but I still manage to think of nothing but the affair and what she did or didn't do, and why she was willing to risk losing her family again by going to a party and having contact with him.

Her priorities are messed up, and I now know for sure, that I'm not at the top of that list. I might not even be in the middle.

Tough to swollow, but I'm getting used to the idea.

Thanks