Oh boy is the WH angry with me. He's upset that I dared to contact the OWH to inform him of the A and to send the OW an email to stop contacting him. He says I am trying to destroy the OW. He says this A was all his fault, not hers.

I told him he had a right to know, even if they are separated. I told him if the tables were turned, I'd want to know.

My WH told a friend of ours (she's a coworker of his and he doesn't know she's giving me info) this morning that it's over between us and that he's washing his hands of it. He told her he's divorcing me. I'm in pure panic mode! HELP!

I called him this morning to see what he'd say to me and he didn't mention the D to me. (is that a good sign?) He did say he's not sure he wants to try MC now though. He said that I'm bordering on harassment to the OW. I told him she can do whatever she feels she needs to do with the 2 emails I've sent her. I'm done with her, I've said my piece and as for her and her husband, that's between them now.

He's assured me it's over between them and that I've pretty much made sure of that. (Yeah, whatever, as long as it's done IMO)

I can't count on his sister to help. She's cheated on her partner and while they are in recovery all they can seem to tell him is how much work it is, how long of a road there is ahead, etc. Not much of a sales job in my opinion. She also doesn't think he has it in him to do it.

I'm so scared.

Hang in there and relax. They all get furious when exposed. You are threatening his little fantasy.

You have done EXACTLY the right thing. Good job. I know right now it doesn't feel like it though.

When you talk to your husband and he is raging, just let him know that you love him and want to save the marriage. As for the rewriting of history, they all do that too.

Oh God

I found out that my WH went to lunch with the OW and a coworker. He talked to OW about how it's over between he and I. I'm devastated.

Plus the OW has had the nerve to actually respond to my email asking her to stay away from my H with an "it's already been done" AFTER she returned from lunch with him today.

There's no hope.

Try to stay calm - this is just the beginning. Have you exposed them at work? Also please notify the OW's husband. He may not know that he and his wife are "separated". That is also very common.

STWPls,

believer is right, your WH is following the script that all WS' follow. Stay calm, you can get through this.

Are you working on your Plan A?

Well, I've exposed them to his boss's boss. He said he would talk to him, as a friend. Haven't talked to his boss.
I am not sure how that is going to help. Won't that just bring more resentment? He already says that he thought he could learn to love me, but he can't and that it's over.

How do I expose it to his boss? Just call and tell him?

THe OW's H knows, I've already talked to him.

I'm a wreck. H just called me and told me it's over!! Says he doesn't love me that he never loved me that he's tried to love me and he can't. He wants to pick up his things this weekend and says he will get with atty asap.

He says I went too far. He says he will not be spied on all the time. I told him I will not give him a D and that I love him and I want this marriage to work. He says too bad, I don't love you and it's over. I want a divorce.

I tried like crazy to get him to go to a MC with me at least once. He finally relented to go one time but says he's bringing paperwork he downloaded off the internet to start the divorce. Says the MC can start mediating the divorce.

He thinks I got a PI, but in reality it's that coworker/friend who gave me info. I didn't tell him that. He wanted desperately to know how long and after much pressure I told him 6/13, but he says he doesn't believe a word I say. He says I've turned into his ex wife full of bitterness and consumed with the need to destroy him.

I kept telling him I love him and that I know he loves me. I told him I've seen it in his eyes and the way he used to look at me. I told him that I'm not out to destroy him or the OW, that I had set out to break up their A. He said I did that, but I didn't need to drag the OWH into it.

I need to make an appt with an MC now. I am so scared because this one appt could make or break our relationship. But honestly, it's probably already gone and I need to realize that.

What do you guys think? Any and all opinions welcomed please! I'm so lost I have no idea where to go from here.

Saying you went too far (by exposing his affair) is just so much WS fogbabble. They all say the same thing. Also expect to hear that he never loved you, he can't forgive you for this, it was the final straw, it has nothing to do with OW, that he hasn't been happy since you got married, he married you for the wrong reasons, blah, blah, blah.

Are you able to support yourself, or do you depend on him? You are not pregnant, right?

Don't agree to the divorce, or any kind of splitting assets up talk right now.

Take some breaths, and realize that you are still very new in this, and a lot of things can change.

{{{StopTheWorldPls}}}

It's horrible. I know. I'm exposing too right now.

I totally understand. I feel ill most of the time!

It is the right thing to do. It does feel wrong. But by exposing the affair to the light of day, you are helping to DESTROY it.

I am thinking of you. Take care.

Alph.

Oh, and by the way, DON'T try and reason with him when he goes mad at you because of the exposure. You can't get through to him - he's not thinking straight.

You have to think straight for the two of you. Tell him you are sorry he is so upset, but you are going to fight for your marriage. Ignore him when he says it's over.

Nothing he says will encourage you at the moment. So ignore it, stay calm, and DON'T PANIC. You have to ride this storm - it will pass.

Alph.

Ok, talked to his boss and told him about it. He said he knew there were problems but didn't know the details. He was pleased to hear that I wanted to work on my marriage and that I still love my husband very much. He asked me what I thought he could do to help? I suggested offering my H some time off from work to try and sort things out. (was this smart?) He said they aren't so busy that they couldn't do without him for a week. He was leaving to go on a biz trip and will be back tomorrow night. He said he'll make a point to talk with my H on Monday and to offer him some time off.

I also talked to a couple of attorneys. First attorney I made the mistake of telling him the truth that I want to know how to stall possible D proceedings. Of course, he was like "why would you want to stay married to someone who doesn't want to be married to you?" I knew then the conversation was going to go downhill FAST.

The second attorney I acted as though *I* was the one wanting a quickie D and my WH was the one who'd contest, etc. Found out some info. At least I know now, that while I may not be able to stop it, I can at least slow it down. (For a price)

I have decided to stop all contact with WH's family. They are not supporting me at all when I do speak with them. His sister has broken my trust and revealed information that she herself told me not to tell him!! I could kill her. (what's that about blood and mud?)

I'm still scared to death and in super panic mode. He threatened to show up with the sherriff's to get his things out of the house this weekend. How humiliating that will be. I wish I could stop that, but I know I won't be able to when it happens. Has anyone gone through anything like that?

Thanks for the input you guys, keep it coming please! You are what's keeping me from going completely LOONEY! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Stop - you are doing fine so far. Are you dependent on him financially. Do you have joint assets?

Financial sitch is complicated. I'm currently unemployed and believe me I am looking. (Although this has certainly put a wrench in it) I am primary bread winner but we've drained all available monies during this unenjoyment period. I have a small amt left on my 401K which I'll have to shut down next week.

No joint assets, everything is in my name. When we got married I already had everything: the house, the car, the stuff. He had very little.


Well, made the appt for the MC. Tomorrow at 3pm. Hope it's not too soon, hope he shows, hope he considers a second session!

Good luck for tomorrow, STWP!

Alph.

Stop -

Okay, that is very good news. You should be in Plan A right now. Please read all about it. It is about showing what a great wife you can be without any anger, disrespectful judgements, or love busters (shouting, accusing, blaming, etc.).

Please read all about Plan A here. I think it is on the home page. That is the starting point.

Next time you talk to him, let him know that you desire to stay marrried, but you cannot chain him to you if he desires to leave. Let him pick up his stuff and move it out - please, without the police.

You are very early in this, and need to get firmly grounded in the MB plan before things will get better.

OK, you guys sick of me yet?

He called to find out how to remove the spyware from his PC. I told him and then told him about the MC appointment for tomorrow. He said he'd try to make it. Honestly, I'm not expecting him to.

I also told him to come pick up his stuff this weekend. That way he'll also have to drop off the other car. (it is after all, in my name too, no need to make things easy on him)

I spoke to a mutual friend/coworker of his tonight. Told him about everything. I told him that my H needs a friend and not give up on him, even though the friend wants to. (was this right of me? Should I just the cards fall where they may?) My WH is being led by the OW and is not thinking clearly and could really use a friend that does not have an alterior motive.

Don't know what will happen with that, but there it is.

I feel very low tonight. Just when I thought I didn't have any more tears...here they come again.

Stop - No, we're not sick of you yet. Look at my posts - the first couple thousand were going over and over the same stuff - couldn't believe this was happening, feeling miserable, angry, and on and on.

The tears will help you. I cried and cried for months. It is good to get the hurt out.

But in between crying, have you read about Plan A?

Yes, I've read about it. It's time to control the chaos that I can and focus on letting him see what he's going to miss.

For the first time in several days I am quite honestly confused about what I want to do. I've been so focused on fighting to save my marriage that I've completely disregarded my own mental wellbeing. I am a basket case, plain and simple. Heck, *I* wouldn't want to be with me either right now.

I wonder if I really do want him back. I do, but not like this. He's being led around by the OW. She is giving him all the information he could ever need on how to get a D. She won't let him out of her sight for a moment she's so afraid of what may happen. I'm troubled by how easily he's being led. Is this what I want in a man? What if this is who he really is?

ARGH! This so totally sucks swamp water.

Stop -

You are on the rollercoaster and seem to be going through this whole thing very quickly. Most of us spent months trying to get our WS back before we even questioned whether or not we wanted them back.

A person in an affair is exactly like a drug addict - think heroin. They will do anything to get their fix. Many will abandon their spouse, their home, even their children. That is just the nature of the beast.

Your husband probably fell into this innocently enough. He didn't keep his boundaries, and one thing led to another. That is usually the way it goes.

You are perfectly justified if you decide you want to divorce him. No one here will blame you. But around here we encourage folks to do the best they can to save their marriage, so they can look back with no regrets.