You can read my other posts for more history on my married life.....short story is married 20+ years, got along great, had fun, great sex, usually together, etc. and no affairs. Still over the years we did lose a part of our spiritual connection and I managed to upset my wife enough she wanted a divorce. I think she felt she had to do it (read my posts). I wish I could have got her to counseling but she wouldn't go. (she might have heard she was over-reacting)

Filed in Jan. 05 and was final in March 05. I was destroyed by the process and my wife appeared to be as well. A month ago she met a man from another city (wealthy, nice,etc. ) and flew out to visit him this past week. I know that she had sex with him as well. She may have done this to hurt me, to prove something to herself, or because she is really attracted to him. It's not in her normal character.

She got back Monday and we exchanged emails about some events I attended with my kids while she was gone...in the course of discussion I mentioned a church have found, and have started attending. She offered to join me this Sunday and go out to lunch to discuss my therapy and progress.

Today she emailed me about a sale at Hobby Lobby and offered to help me shop for items for my barren Apt. I don't know how to read this. I love her and want to re-marry. And I know I'll have to ask her where her head is at.

She was furious/livid/mean earlier this year when she felt I had violated her trust by looking at Porn on the Internet. She wouldn't talk to me, couldn't stand me. Now it seems like she wants a relationship of some type. Isn't it odd that we are on these terms just a few months after divorce? I'm just going to let life flow and see where our relationship ends up but this sure seems strange.

kc
Divorce has it stages just as grief and other transitions in life we endure. Could it be these were just that? (That over-reacting comment might mean you didn't consider her feelings valid-have you considered that?)

Since you've been divorced since March, why would meeting a man and visiting him have any meaning as far as you are concerned? It seems that she may have moved on (wanting to help with apt & discuss your progress) but you're still having difficulty...and believe me I can fully understand that.

Many women, myself included, see no difference in adultery and participation in internet porn. I'm sure she was angry because she was hurt.

My atty advised me to be friends with my stbx. He said in his years of handling divorces, it was better for the children if the parents could get along. Her atty may have given her the same advice.

Why would you "let life flow and see." If I regretted the divorce and wanted my wife back, I sure would want my feelings to be known. I think my stbx is in the same boat but his pride coupled with the uncertainity of success if he makes a huge effort, will leave him watching his stbx wife move on too. Oh, well. If it's not that important to him how could it be that important to me.

Let your feelings be known. Treat her with kindness and respect-which includes listening to her instead of considering her feelings as over reacting. We women want to be adored and if we consider it so, we'll move mountains for those who adore us. Try it and see.

Had a great first half of the night, we laughed, had good conversation and I told exactly what she meant to me. She said that she had built up the man she visited to be perfect and found out he wasn't. She says she hates all men now and I made her that way. "Men are all dogs". I told her about my counseling, readings and inner feelings for her.

The second half of our date digressed. She said she cannot trust me and even though she loves me I made the choice....she says "I guess I wasn't enough for you". I will continue to show her respect, and listen and work on myself. Thanks for your thoughts.

Filed in Jan. 05 and was final in March 05.
Who filed & why?

A month ago she met a man from another city (wealthy, nice,etc. )
No, she didn't. She's known him (or someone else) since probably a few months before the divorce was filed.

Now it seems like she wants a relationship of some type. Isn't it odd that we are on these terms just a few months after divorce?
No, it's not odd at all.
People seem to think a divorce ends all the crap they are going through but in reality, after the divorce they wake up and see everything was not as bad as they seemed to think at the time.

bump...

Chris I filed at my wife's insistence. She had filed at teh start of 2004 when she first moved out then changed her mind moving back in at the end of 2005. That's when she asked me to take a Polygraph...it showed I had not had an affair, emotional or Physical, had not talked to others on teh internet, etc. I wanted to start anew and confessed the following...had a one-night stand when we first started dating, with someone in another town 21 + years ago (I was drunk and fearing committment), kissed a girl in a bar 13 years ago, went to s strip club once with our salesman (5-6 yrs ageo), had visited Adult Bookstores some in the past while travleing (no sex of any kind). I used to travel nearly every other week ...I'm no saint but my record is relatively clean. I've been a darn good dad to my children, a good provider, and up until the last year my wife said I was a great husband, lover, and person.

She felt like these hidden items were too much and that she didn't know me. She didn't get mad..she went ballistic..some trigger went off in her. No mention that I passed the polygraph, or that we spent nearly every day and night together, that we had a great bond. I think she went nuts for a awhile.

My wife did meet the guy after the divorce...this I'm certain. She wanted so badly to show me, or herself, that she was worthy of another that she built this person up to be someting he was not. She realized that and admitted as much on our date. I'm still trying to get her into counseling but she is really fighting it. i don't think she wants to hear she has issues, went overboard, etc.

I have been going to IC weekly, reading spiritual books, and attending church. I feel great about my mental health now and it's getting better every day. I still pine for my EW and the life we had...I know my comments above make her sound whacked, and she is right now, but she is fun, beautiful, my best friend, and a wonderful mother.

In my opinion she drew a line in the sand years ago concerning Porn....I crossed it, I admit to that. Not in spite, or to hurt her, but because of spiritual weaknesses that I'm addressing. She does not know how to erase that line and forgive. It's a shame that it ends this way. I realize I do not know the future and time heals most wounds. I'm just trying to let life take it's course...not easy but it's all I can do.