I hope that headline snagged you.

I started playing soccer again after a lengthy 7 year layoff in January. I played on a fairly competitive under 30 men's team. One of the guys on the team started a co-ed team this summer and I joined the team. It was a few opportunities for me. A chance to continue making friends outside of my "married" friends (6 guys from our "regular" team signed up to play and a couple of the other guys play on other coed teams...). A chance to work on some soccer skills in a less competitive atmosphere. Oh, and did I mention, IT'S CO-ED!!!!

So we had a few practices, and I met a couple of the girls on the team, but nothing that uhhh...exciting. Our first game got "lightninged out". I ended running into one of the girls from the opposing team last weekend at a local watering hole and hung out with her most of the night. She was cool, and pretty, but...ehhh.... nothing there either.

We had our first full game on Monday. (Oh by the way, we only had two girls, so we had to play 11 against 8. We won anyway, 1-0! And who scored our game-winning goal? Oh, that was me!!!!! I rule! It was probably a top 5-10 moment for me!)

We had a practice last night, and something struck me about one of my teammates. (A female one, for any wiseguys out there <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> )I don't know what it was. Maybe it was the Louisiana summer heat melting my brain, but she kinda turned my head. My best friend is our goalkeeper, and he could tell that she caught my eye yesterday right away....

Anyway, the TM and I get along well, and we talk without struggling to find stuff to talk about. I'm not sure how old she is, but I think she's in the 23-25 range. She's cute, but she's not intimidatingly beautiful. Good sense of humor, good personality. And at the least, she engages me from time to time. After practice she was asking if anyone wanted to go get something to eat, and a group of 8 of us went to eat, and we hung out a little bit there. I'm inviting the team (and a bunch of other friends) out next weekend to see a friend's band. I've already told them about it and some (her included) sound like they're going to go.

So I think I'd like to "ask her out". We have another game Monday and then the "get together" on Friday. I've got just a couple concerns.... First, I think it would be best to see how things go in a social situation (next Friday) before I ask her out. Do I have to follow the norm of something quick for the first date, like coffee, since we already know each other a little? She works at a restaraunt so I wasn't going to ask her to dinner (explicitly) I was thinking about bowling or something. There's also the concern of the whole teammate thing (to a certain extent.) Our season ends at the end of August, so we have a few months to go. If things don't go well, there could be some awkwardness. If things do go well, there could be some awkwardness, too. I know I'm over thinking all this....

Any suggestions? Anything I should be paying attention to?

Thanks,
Ethan

I play softball and flag football with a co-ed group. Several of the now married couples in the group met on this team. So although it could be a little awkward if things don't work out...go for it...but I'd keep it friendly for awhile. This doesn't mean you shouldn't ask her out...go ahead and get to know her. Definitely wait until after the group outing because you should be able to get a better vibe from her that night. Maybe that night you can suggest the two of you go check out another band on a different night or to a sports bar to watch a rival European soccer game (I don't know much about soccer so I don't know if it's off-season). Don't overthink it...just have some fun and get to know cool people.

being a guy here.....tear it up if it is in the cards....
seriously, if she has any interest in you that way treat her like you would you other dates....back to my first statement...lol

Well, there goes that plan.

I had a game tonight. Have to admit, I was kind of looking forward to seeing my "teammate".

And she doesn't show up.

She broke her foot at our last practice. How crappy is that?

So, I don't know if she'll show up to any practices or games from here on out. Boooooooooooooooooooooo!

I invited her to the social gathering Friday, so we'll see how that goes.

In an attempt to find the silver lining, it does take the "teammate" portion of the equation out of play. I know she's in a soft cast/boot and won't be playing for a while. Although I did think that it kind of gives me an opening....

"That sucks. I was going to ask you to go bowling with me one night, and now you're injured."

In the event that she shows up at practice on Wednesday, should I lob that out there.... or wait to see if she shows up on Friday?

In other news, my friends surprised me and brought the really hot 25yo mom out with them on Saturday. I was proud of myself, as I was able to throw some sentences together, and even flirt a little. Of course, she is still grossly uninterested in me, but at least she's really sweet about it. Oh well.....

Awww... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Don't take this the wrong way, but your words make me laugh and have sympathy for you at the same time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Do you have her phone number...or does anyone else on the team have it? You could call to "check on her". I like your line about bowling.

Thanks, I think.

I'm funny how? Funny like a clown?

I think for someone who has been "single" for about a year and a half, I'm in pretty good spirits about all of this.

I don't have her number, but I do have her email address I think. I've kinda narrowed it down amongst the distribution list. If she doesn't show up to practice, maybe I'll ask one of her friends on the team what her email is, just to be sure.... Only downside, is that the only friends of hers I'm sure of are guys....And they'll see right through me.

Oh well. I kinda like the idea of "checking on her." Should score me a couple points, huh?

You are in great spirits and in a really great place. That is why I've been reading your posts. It gives me a lot of encouragement. It helps me remember that my life is not over.

You will definitely score some points for that one. So what if the guys figure you out?

Yeah, who cares if the other guys figure you out? Is this about YOU or about THEM? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

If I were remotely interested in a guy and he were to call and check on me when he found out I'd been injured, I'd be extremely flattered...

Ask her if she needs anything - if you're actually willing to help her out, of course. Someone with a broken foot is probably going to need SOME kind of help with something - a ride to the store if she cannot drive, or a ride to go out and see the band with teammates... stuff like that.

Good luck!

T

TFM--

So today I heard the song in your sig line and it reminded me ... did you ever got in touch with your teammate? (I haven't heard that song in a long time so that's why I remembered it...I digress.)

Can we assume that you have been spending a lot of time with this teammate and, thus, you don't have time to post an update?

Judges! Can we see "lot of time with teammate?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!

Wamp wamp waaaaahhhhh! We do have some lovely parting gifts for our contestants.

Sent her an email, just to check up on her. Aaaaaaaand?

No reply. Oh well.

Oh and she didn't show at my friend's band's gig on Friday. (On that note... I invited 44 people, 2 showed up. Has anyone seen my ego around here? I seem to have misplaced it....)

And to add insult to injury.... I know the manager of said band, the lead singer, and his GF. I mentioned to the GF that I thought one of her friends was cute. (I had met her once before.) I talked to her a little bit Friday, but she was with friends and mingling, as was I. I still had a good feeling about the whole thing, and as I left, she said, "I'll see you Tuesday" (the band's next gig.) So despite being exceptionally tired from work, I drag it over to a.) support the band, and b.) hopefully hang out with this girl. She shows up..... with the guy who was humping her leg with considerably more effort than I was on Friday night.... Sorry, I'm just not a "leg humper", per se.

So there ya go....

Blah.

Sorry to hear that. Hope I didn’t hit a sore spot. Ah, no big deal…you seem to be a great person. Some nice young lady will realize that soon enough. (Oh, no - now I sound like your grandma. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> )

Not a sore spot, really. I actually went out with said teammate tonight, with one of her friends and five guys from the team, for dinner and drinks after the game. And we interacted well, and everybody had a good time.... but I still just feel that she doesn't see me as a "dateable" prospect... But she did make sure to ask if I was going tonight....

Although I have to admit I have been increasingly frustrated by all this lately. I would love to just take someone to dinner one night, yet don't seem to be able to achieve that. It just seems like it's not meant to happen right now, ya know?

It almost seems like I'm putting out some kind of wierd vibe. And I can't pick up on it. Or if that's it at all. I don't feel like I'm "trying too hard." I try to be engaging and interested in what someone has to say.... I'm not overbearing, I'm not trying to "take someone home with me" But it seems like I am making noooooo head way. With anyone.

I've been on a few "I've got a single friend, why don't ya'll two come hang out with us" type things. And while I got along ok, and the girls were great.... They've all had the same response.

He's sooooo sweet/nice! And that's about it.

So should I change? Do I want to stop being nice to people? Should I ignore them when I go out with them? Tell them I 'like thier butt?' Am I wasting time and energy by sending a note of encouragement to an injured teammate?

I will admit to being perplexed. I seem to meet a few girls who I wouldn't mind dating... who are just grossly uninterested in me. eHarmony hasn't sent me a match in over 6 weeks, and it just seems like everywhere I turn is a dead end.

I'm not unattractive, (I think), I have a stable, interesting and fairly decent paying job. I'm financially stable, physically fit, intelligent, fun-loving and I've got a decent sense of humor.

And I pray that no one puts a gun to my head and tells me to make a phone call and get a date.

Because I couldn't.

And I'm frustrated.

There, I said it....

OK, you may not want to hear this from me, but this is what your doing wrong and this is how to fix it. Girls need to know your intrested, girls want to be wooed a little then you need to back off and let her make the next move. What you should have done with your hurt foot teamate is sent her some really sweet silly flowers like daisies in a smiley face coffee cup and a little note about how you would miss her but, maybe these flowers would brighten her day the way her smile brightens yours leave your number and then see what happened. I think you are not really getting the message across that you are intrested in them. Don't treat a girl like a teammate unless thats all you want her to be. I have gotten diamonds, offers of trips, even a convertable car offer once (back in the day LOL) but, the guys who always kept me intrigued were the ones who did sweet, meaningful, fun things then let me make the next move. Best of Luck you sound like such a nice guy, I hope things work out for you.

Letsee... I have a few thoughts for ya. I'll try to get them out here and try to make some sense.

First, yes, you are attractive. No problems there.

Are you trying to hard? I dunno. Sometimes we can give off a desparation-vibe without knowing it. Relaxing, and being happy and confident in yourself will give off a different vibe. The thread that was going on here (it might be on the second page now) about masculine niceness, or toughness, or whatever, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />, talked about some stuff you might find helpful. Did you see it? Confident and strong, without appearing clingy, yet showing a sensitive side, etc etc. They also talked about being friends, and how to switch to romantic possibilities instead of friendships.

Now, here's my other train of thought when reading your post. I have a male "friend" at work. It's driving me crazy cuz I really like him. I can't tell if he likes me or not. Maybe he thinks we're just friends, but he's very flirty sometimes. He says he's happy being single, and he's not "looking". He never dates. He's really not looking, or going out with anyone. So, maybe he IS happy just being friends with me. But, he's SO DARN cute! And why the flirting? Sooooo...... my message to you is.... what are you doing to communicate to the lady(ladies) you're interested in that you're [color:"purple"]interested [/color] in a date? You HAVE to ask! To the teammate: (I wish my guy friend at work would do this:) "Would you like to go out sometime? On a date?" or.... "Lets you and me go out to dinner one night. Thursday?" If she laughs or says no, IT'S OK! Really. From a woman's perspective, if we're friends, it's OK. You can push and say why not? Or you can say oh well, just thought I'd try. I think you're sweet and atractive, and we enjoy laughing and talking around here, so I thought we'd enjoy going out sometime. .... This is just my opinion. It's what *I'd* like to hear. And what I wouldn't be offended hearing from someone I wasn't interested in.

About the girls you go out with that don't seem interested beyond 1 date... hmmmmm.... without knowing more details about what you're doing or not doing.... if you are really interested in them, are you telling them? Find something you like about them and tell them - their eyes, their smile - (not their butt LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />). Are you following up? Calling them to chit-chat? We girls like to talk, and like guys that are interested in getting to know us. Are you asking them out again? "I enjoyed our evening the other night. I know this really good restaurant "blah blah". Would you like to go to lunch on Saturday?"

Well, hope this helps a little. Whattaya think?

Faith,

Thanks for the "pep talk."

And in an interesting turn of events, the teammate returned my email, right before our game last night. I read it right after I posted here last night. And I had decided that I was going to reply and ask her to dinner. So I did that.... I guess we'll see what happens.

I'll follow up on the other stuff after I read that thread. I'll tackle that tonight.

Ethan

I reread your post the thread that you mentioned as well.

After some thought I realized that I may not have been coming on strong enough. I very rarely ask for a phone number, I very rarely flirt openly. I didn't want to come across as "sleazy", if that makes any sense, because that is not me, at all.

But I'd come to that realization a little while back, and I've been working on improving my...ahem..."game." And I have been a bit more forward. My friends brought the "hot mom" with them when they joined me at a local watering hole a couple weeks ago. We had a good time, and I thanked her for joining us...and told her "I had a great time hanging out with the prettiest girl here" (or something pretty close to that....) Her response was a thank you, that's so sweet type thing. But it probably made an impact on her in one way or another... Of course I haven't followed up on it, but I will. I going to ask the female friend about just calling the HM and asking her out on a date. Ideally, she'll ask the HM if its OK to give me her number....but I'll follow up.

And I did ask the teammate out (via email) today. I guess she doesn't check email that often, so we'll see what happens there.

I guess I'm starting to put some of the pieces together on this. Still a work in progress.

But I'm still a little frustrated.

Oh well.

wel l l l l ? ? ? ? ? ?

do you have mail?

I did indeed have mail.

She said she wants to go! She works some nights (I acknowledged this when I asked her...) and she said when she gets her schedule for next week, she'll let me know when she's free.

So, I guess we'll see, huh?

as a current O50 player in waiting, (48 and counting) and a referee when I have time between my kids' games, and as a life coach to my kids. . . . .

marrying another active soccer player may not be a great idea. . .

the monday mornings when neither of you can drive to work. . . the arguments over whose injury is worse doesn't have to get up and get the baby in the middle of the night. . the decisions on which games are the important ones. . . the out of season kid's game or your in season game. . .

LOL!

us geezers didn't have athletic women when we were growing up. . . and few years ago, just a couple years after i turned 40. . . and i had played against 20 something yo women from the MIT varsity soccer team . . .

I had 4, not 2, not 3, FOUR steps ahead of one of the women towards the ball, and she got there first . . . now that is feeling real old. . . .

and i missed a lunch time pickup game where Aby Womback played pick up. . . now that would have been fun. . .

good luck,
i hope you have fun and enjoy yourself. . .

wiftty

Yea!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> Good luck and keep us posted!