JFO about affair. 9 yr married, 1 D 9 y/o. 1-10 for last 9 yrs marriage 4.0; disturst, bitterness layer on layer of pain. Never a makeup for any tresspass, wife doesn't allow them. Couldn't get in. Admittedly, I carry fault but I love her and want to work on meeting her needs. She does not want to work, will not allow me to bring up subject, flat NO. Will stay for 1 year for D. We sleep in same bed, eat same table, share $ but not intimacy - nor will we ever she says. I can forgive the affair, and hope for a real chance to meet her needs. I do almost all housework, cook, Child care, wash, all home bills except clean the bedroom. Pigpen. We talk honestly but she says she is now UNSTUCK, and wants divorce. We can do it now if I choose - I can't bring myself to it. She will be with me in group or with children not alone. Struggling with feelings about reconcile, not pulling her in but creating environment for her safe return. Want to be a good man. She says I have many many good qualities and that's what's kept her. Not anymore. She's honest, but cold almost detached, isolated. I am seeking counseling and want to reestablish myself as a Godly man, without the pain, bitterness of how she hurt me. She made me alone for years. Need to cope with 1 yr of feelings to reconcile, adjust/heal myself and provide loving home for D. She says affair is on hold until divorce is done. Cannot be in relationship when already in one - funny statement. Need help staying on track trying to become the best man for my family. Hard with no positive affirmation. Have to get it from my D. Lonely, no female companionship for 1 yr hard to look at. Not a monk, just a man. Holding on to hope for reconcile.
