think wife is going to file next week. i have real mixed emotions about it. i'm not in love with her but i do love her. i have really been trying, eliminate LBs etc. but she cont to put me down, why i don't know....... I'm doing my best to move on and have even considered a few women for dates but am not all that comfortable with it until the divorce goes through. I see a real bright future for myself but at the same time something inside me doesn't quite want to let go. it is an internal conflict. i have seen the light (i mean as far as my contibutions, LBs, etc) and am doing changes within myself for myself and others around me however she doesn't seem to want to change at all - and in reality it takes two...

if she files, do people ever reconcile during the process. i can't decide if i'd want to but as you can tell i'm real unsure and i suspect she is too.... at this point it may be a pride issue with her b/c i have no problem admitting and addressing my faults.

opinions please!

Gosh, I do not know. I am kind of in the same boat but I would be the one filing, not H. I want our marriage to work out but their are sooo many issues. One minute I want to work it out, the next I want to throw him out. We live in a very small town and every where I go I srrm to run into one of the 2 women he had an A with. (there may even be more, those the only 2 I know of). If I saw some sort of light at the end of the tunnel it would sure help. I am like you. I am just learning all of my LB's and I have a lot of them. He does too. He may not have any LB's though once I change mine. I am giving it a little time with my eliminating my LB's and me working on myself. I have given him the option to stay here until he gets deployed in jan. or he can leave and get his head straight (he has lots of issues). If he stays there absolutely cannot be any infidelity. We shall see. I feel for you. I believe in God and miracles and placing things in his hands and that reconcilliation can happen at any time and that marriages are worth working hard for. mlhb

DrBR,

There is always hope. It is not a bad thing to become a better person, so eliminating LBs and learning to be kind is going to improve the you that you are. Keep working on yourself and don't focus on your wife. If you treat her well then she might take notice and start becoming a little more open to treating you well.

If she snaps at you Dr. H recommends that you tell her that you don't like the way she said it but you will do what she wants. Read again his advice section and the concept section on LBs.
love busters

how to overcome love busters

Eliminating love busters should be first - keep it up and look at it as improving yourself rather than as trying to win back your wife.

Good luck!

V.