After I put spyware on my WH's PC at home I got logs of the IM's he was having with the OW. It was clear they were having an EA and had just begun a PA (by kissing).

Now my WH is demanding a D and wants all of the logs. I am reluctant to give any of it to him. What should I do?

Don't give it to him. Especially if he's demanding a D...what possible reason would you have to even consider giving them to him?

Tell him NO.

And tell him that if he wants to get a D, then it's his choice, but that you're not going to support him in that decision. It's up to him to do all the work.

Plan A

and show him NOTHING of your proof

His demands are made of his fear and guilt.

Pep

Don't give in. He's not your husband right now. He's somebody else's boyfriend.

And make sure the logs are in a safe location outside the home.

Don't give him your proof, or reveal your source. Are you kidding?

Yes!!!

No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No.

Don't let him "shame" you into showing your cards.

What exactly have you let on to him that you know?

Sit back and smirk like a Cheshire Cat. No arguing on this point. You know what you know and he DOESN'T know either WHAT you know or how. Let him squirm. It's good for him. He just doesn't realize it yet.

Proof is for 3rd parties, court cases, stuff like that.

You've seen the evidence, so you know what he's doing.

He knows what he was doing, he was there. He doesn't need proof of it.

What he wants is to find out how much you know so he can adjust his lies accordingly, and how you know it so he can cut off your source to further knowledge.

And he's probably trying to figure out if you really do have proof, or if you're just bluffing to try and get him to admit it.

So don't give him the proof. Just tell him that you know, and since he's the one who did it, he knows too. And that what you know, and how you know it, doesn't matter.

As far as what I've let him know I know...it's not good.

I've let him know that I know he's having an affair. That I have the IM logs to prove it. He does not know how long I have monitored his PC. He keeps asking and every time I tell him a different date as to when I installed it.

He is not sure whether or not I have a PI following him or if it's someone from his work giving me info on what's going on there. I've told him several different stories, and the sad part is, it's all the truth, but I've told it in a way that is very confusing.

At this point, I think they've stalled their PA and are just now having an EA. Since the OW is in the process of getting a D herself, she is being very careful to not give her BS any further ammunition and she's coaching my WH on the same. (just speculation of course)

Say no.

I just noticed you have been married 7 months !!! and he's cheating !!!

here's my standard take on short marriages with early-on infidelity ... get out now.

sorry

Pep

Don't give him any information about how you got your information. Tell him NO CAN DO. Smile sweetly. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Have you spoken the the OW's H and told him about the affair? How do you know they are getting a divorce?

StopTheWorld,

Expose! Expose! Expose!!!

Tell the OW's husband! Now!!!!!

Don't threaten to do it. It gives them a chance to spin. Just do it.

"They are getting a D" is an oft-used LIE. A woman says to her H "we ought to think about getting a D", and the next day she's telling her BF "yes, I'm married, but my H and I are going through a D".

Find the guy. Talk to him. Find out the truth. You won't get it from your H - and he may not know the truth about his OW's marriage either.

Oh, and like the others said. Don't give him any evidence - and in the future, don't even tell him how you know. He's not going to leave any traces on the computer now. Now he'll shift to other means of communication. Next time, don't let him know your methods at all. Do you know about GPS trackers? It's a lot cheaper than a PI - and may be all you need.

-AD

questions:

1. do you have any children with him?

2. have you communicated with OW's BS?

3. how much $$ in liquid assets do you have in jointly held accounts with your husband? Do you have jointly held credit cards? Do you own or rent your home? - in whose name/who's on the deed? Do you have jointly owned automobiles?

WAT

Pep, we may have only been married 7mos but we have been together 3 years. The A started after we were hit by a hit and run driver our vehicle flipped. Very traumatic, I spent 3 days in the hospital, surgery, etc. (I'm ok now, he's fine physically too)

No kids. Some joint stuff, not much. The big stuff is in my name only (ie. house, cars). In this state though, it does not matter according to the atty's I've spoken with. We both still have sep. bank accts. He couldn't keep a buck in his pocket if his life dependended on it.

I have told the OW's H about the A. He was grateful to know. The OW had *just* moved out the week before I exposed. Do not know for a fact about the D, only hearsay.

What is the date the accident occured?

Pep

April 2nd this year. We were incredibly lucky as it happened on a major interstate in downtown on a Saturday night. Had we been hit by another car...I shudder to think what the result would have been.

I was knocked unconcious but my H was not. He told our family that there was a moment there where I wasn't moving or making any sounds and he thought I was dead. I cannot imagine the horror of that, even if only for a few seconds. Apparently I started to moan and he realized I was alive and that's when he got himself out of the car and started to pull me out.

His distancing from me started then, looking back, but I was too involved in myself too notice.

Why? Do you think you know me? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

No I don't think I know you ... but you linked the timing of the A to the MVA ... so I wondered....

How do you know the A did not begin sooner than April?

Pep

Very valid point Pep and the truth is, I don't know.

He also didn't make it to the MC session that he said he'd go to this afternoon. He guaranteed me 1 and only 1 session. I thought if I can get him to 1, then maybe a 2nd and so on. I passed him going the other direction on the way there.

He called me on the cell to give me his excuse and I didn't answer the phone. Maybe it is best to cut and run. I am torn right now.