Last night WW and I went to taco night at the local bar like we used to. My parents watched the kids. It was great because a lot of old friends were there that didn't know about our current situation. They talked about how lucky we were to have each other etc. It killed me, but I think it might have got to her a little bit. I caught her staring at me a few times.

When we got home, she danced around topless for me to one of my favorite CDs. I know we had a few drinks in us, but it was nice to put all of this out of my mind and pretend things were ok for a brief moment.

Today OM called. He didn't think I was home. He hung up on me, but I know it was him because I called back and got his voice mail. At least I have his new number. WW told me he had changed it and even offered me his new number because I had mentioned I might call him.

How do I handle things when she wakes up? Act like nothing happened? Thank her for the dance? Confront her about OM calling? Tell her it's time for that to stop? I'm confused.

Hello,

Truth and honesty is the only way. Tell her that he called and that it hurt you very much. Ask her how she would feel if the roles were reversed?

What was your prior agreement on further contact? Has your wife written a no contact letter?

We haven't made an agreement on further contact. I told her that I do not like the fact that she still talks to him, but she is still deep in the fog.

I don't want to be the one that makes her put an end to it. I thought it was better to let that happen on it's own. Or wait until she decides she wants to make this work, then do the letter, and then get through the withdrawal. I won't wait indefinitely though. You can read more about my story by clicking here.

Have you gotten your copy of Surviving An Affair yet?

Consider calling OM and telling him not to call your home ever again. (The reason I suggest this is because you have a prior relationship with this loser.)

Tell your wife matter of factly that OM called and chose not to speak to you when he realized it was you who had answered. You know it was him by the number. You called him back (if you chose to do this) and told him not to call your home again.

Then I suggest you comminicate to her, in a calm and not demanding way, that you feel that any continued contact with OM is detrimental to your marriage and your family and you feel that "no contact" must be established.

"You feel" these things, OK? Not "she has to stop contact." Get it? You have to be calm and loving.

What is her current attitude on rebuilding your marriage?

WAT

Thanks for the advice. I did call him back. He didn't answer. I have tried calling him, but he has not answered. I guess I could leave him a voice mail.


Has not commited herself to that. Thinks she needs "time". In fogland. I am going to buy Surviving the Affair today.

I started to tell her my feelings about her continued contact with OM. It did not go very well. I got so frustrated and angry, I ended up walking away and punching a wall. (that scared the [censored] out of her, I have always been a VERY calm person.) I apologized to her for acting like that. She said she understands that I am frustrated I knows that I am hurting.

I didn't demand anything, but I told her that if she stops talking to OM, it might make it easier to see what's in her head. She was tired, upset about an unrelated matter, and didn't want to talk. I should have waited, but she borrowed my phone to call him to check on him a few hours before. His sister tried to kill herself yesterday, because (irony anyone?) she was having an affair. I just felt like total crap that she is calling him and making sure he is OK.

I had to let her know that I can not just sit by and watch their relationship transpire. But I went about it wrong. I guess I will try to explain myself more calmly tonight.