HI all,

Just an apdate.

John an dI tried to reconcile. Or at least that what he said it was.

He was staying here for awhile and working. It was going ok.

But we had an arguement. He hit me so I asked him to leave. He was still in contact with ow all this time anyway.

Its better this way.

I told him that our only hope is counseling, and that it is up to him.

He said he would think about it.

Please pray that he will.

Love to all,

Shul

Hope you are all well.

Things are not so good here.

He flatly refused counseling, but I let him back anyway.

Turns out he has still been seeing ow this whole time. Still lying and acting as though we are fine.

When I have confronted him he has lied outright. When I have caught him red handed he has lied and made lame excuses.

He is still staying here with us and using my car to get to work.

He has been talking about a joint financial commitment, but I don't want to risk it while he is still seeing her and lying.

Prayer needed here.

Shul

Shul,
Is prayer what really is needed here? You ask for prayer, but then you tell us how you are manipulating everything. You tell us how you have caught him and how you are still continuing to follow the same patterns. What is that line about doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result- that equals insanity? What I think you really are hoping for is recovery, but you aren't yet willing to let go to get it. Recovery isn't about you and him, necessarily - it is first about you. Do you realize you are as sick as he is, at this point? You are stuck in the drama and the muck. Are you willing to stop playing the song and dance with your husband and work on your own recovery, or is this the life you want? Are you willing to stop spending your life "catching" him, and start spending your life working on you? Why not spend more energy on healing yourself and less on enabling him? Why is he lying and cheating and yet he is still in your house and driving your car? You are allowing that and then just saying, oh well, pray for us. Do you think that is going to help? God wants us to do our part too. You haven't done your part in a while. You have been passively letting your husband run all over you- and enabling him to do it. You said counseling is up to him. Why? You need to pull yourself together for your own sanity, and realize you are God's treasure too. You aren't weak, you are strong, in Him. Think about it- and stop JUST praying, and be proactive.

Adgirl,

Intentionally choosing to love is proactive.


Anyway, he came home tonight and said that this afternoon he dropped off her phone and left her a note breaking it off.

Shul

Shul,

I will pray for you. However, I do think adgirl has a point. Until you show your H that there are consequences to his actions he will continue with what he is doing.

My wife's best friend has been doing exactly what you are doing for the past 5 years.

Shul, I think you really need to understand something. You do know that God will never force us to do something against our "free will" right? So when we pray for your situation; the result will be that God will do something to intervine and show your H that he really needs to seek God. How ever he still needs to choose to turn to God or counseling.

I think all our prayers for you and your H are only going to become inconveniences in your lives because both of you are choosing not to do the things you need to do.

I will continue to pray but, you really need to start doinghealth things for you.

In His Arms,
S&C