I have not posted for quite awhile, I guess it took me forever to get it through my head that "yes he is a cake-eater and does not want to meet my emotional needs". I kicked him out about 6 weeks ago and guess where he went initially? To her house, stayed with her for about a week and a half and then moved into his own apartment (a mile from our house). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> I finally woke up and decided that enough was enough --- there should be NC with her without me present (on the phone whatever) and that he continued to make decisions on his own behalf without thinking about the consequences. Well, she filed for CS on him, he did not complete his portion of the paperwork and they SLAPPED HIM with over $1000 a month in CS. Then he felt he needed to try to negotiate with her??? It was supposedly down to $875 --- they did not take into consideration that he has 2 other kids. I will be d****mnd if she is going to get more money from him than what I get for my kids! I hate her with a passion, the sight of her makes me sick. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> He thinks it is all about the money, that is just the principle -- he has been giving her more money than he has contributed to our household for a couple of months now because he started sending half his paycheck to another account ...

He has been in his own place down the street for a month and supposedly getting himself together --- well i hacked into his cell phone bill and downloaded it and noticed that most of the phone calls were to women on the bill, he was continuing to have long conversations with her, as well as 3 others. I know who 3 of them are but the latest one I don't know. At the point that I saw that bill I lost it and that sent me over the edge -- just the nudge I needed to get off my butt, fill out the CS paperwork and send if off myself! Probly in 3 weeks I will get a caseworker and will go from there. I did let the cat out of the bag during an argument and that clearly sent him over the edge --- he called me a b*** and told me that I was just like her and that he expected that from her but not from me. I have been clear about my expectations .... give me access to the cell phone bill, his bank account, become accountable for his actions, call and get back into marraige counseling and GROW UP!!! I will not tolerate his talking to other women at all times of the day or night and that is something that I should not even have to ask for! He told me that we have nothing further to discuss and called me the next day talking about us being able to file for D ourselves and cheap --- my response "so you can sc*** me again, I don't think so."
I have pretty much stopped calling him period -- he still calls, one day he stopped by and was checking the caller id and returning calls... one of friends called and told me that he called her phone to see if it was a guy. I went to a divorce/ separated support group at a church this week which was really helpful. I have been focussing my energy on laying ceramic tile in my house, refinishing my deck and repainting the family room.

He has had the girls at his apartment a couple times for the night but now he has to work so much extra because he has to fork out so much money he's constantly working --- I keep reminding him that he wouldn't have to work so hard if he were living in our house... it's all about choices.

He is trying to blame me because I am sooo angry with him and bitter and hateful. hmmm, I wouldn't be angry, bitter and hateful if he would stop talking to her behind my back, trying to "negotiate" with her, and act like a husband. The other night he was out riding his motorcycle (another sore point --- purchase without consent or conversation with me) and stopped by because he had nothing else to do -- you could tell that he was misrable, I didn't really say anything to him. I tend to constantly ask if he's talked to her, what he's doing with himself, etc... and we always get in a fight.

I am working on myself, I cut my hair short and colored it after having long hair for 10 years. I got a pedicure and got my toes painted for the first time, bought some new clothes and he questions my "extreme makeover." This is stuff I should have been doing for myself all along.

Now he is ultra convinced that I am cheating on him! Not going to give him that satisfaction.

Are the things I am asking him to do unrealistic? I was a little nervous about filing the CS paperwork because that might drive him toward D but I don't think things could get any worse than they are now. Honestly, it hasn't made much of a difference with him out of the house -- less laundry that's about it.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> about the future.