The father's day thread mortarman started sort of brought up the whole father's day dilemma right now.

As some of you might know, my father is a seemingly unrepentant WH involved in a long term, long distance, esporadical EA with a MOW.

So far I haven't talked to him since the day it all was blown in the open mostly by me and by my brother.

Now, yesterday or so, my brother asked me, on behalf of my father, what was I going to do for father's day.
I said nothing, but my brother asked me if I was getting him something.

All I could think of telling him was "Maybe I'll give him one more month to live before I go over there and kill him myself".
I said it in a joking tone and my brother and I had a laugh at it. Of course he didn't relay the answer to my father, he just said "She doesn't know right now".

Now I am wondering, should I just let this father's day pass and not acknowledge it? Or should I do something?

Every father's day I have sent him a card and if possible (deppending where in the world he is at right then), a present. Hand made presents were the norm as a kid, and lets just say he has broken each of those hand-made things accidentaly or in purpose (I carved him a wooden pen when I was in elementary school, and he used broke it in half to cover a drill hole in one of his home improvement crazes, but we always made fun of that).

Right now I am very angry at him, but I have continued producing artwork for his journal experiment, mostly because my brother gets the heat if there is no artwork from me, and I don't want him to feel more torn and stressed than he already is. The poor guy is barely hanging in there by use of humor and binge eating.

Should I make this artwork his present? Should I charge him for it? Should I send a card? Should I ignore it? Should I go crazy and fly over to LA and throw rocks at him untill I am not mad anymore? Should I take my frustration on my cats and dress them in ballerina outfits and take pictures so they can suffer endless humiliation?

My mom hasn't said a peep to me for a week now, and my brother says she insists on not talking about the whole A business at all anymore, ever.

There is no right thing here.

How do you honor someone that is dishonorable?

Perhaps a simple note.

"Dear Dad,
I love you, but I can't take what you are doing. Sorry, but that's how I feel.

I hope you will do the right thing and come back to us, but till then, good bye."


Think on it. I know it's hard.

SS

Well, it's a very serious question, and I was going to try and answer it seriously, but now I just can't get that image of your poor cats in ballerina outfits out of my mind.

Sorry.

Perhaps the throwing rocks thing would be good?

What should you do? Do what your children want to do for him or to him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> No more, no less. He isn't your father.

If the children don't want t/d anything, then don't. If they are too young to decide, then go have fun with other appreciative dads and their families.

It is not unusual that a WS loses out on those special occasions because their head's up their A. LOL!!! So don't force him to be a dad if he'd rather be a WS (based on his actions).


L.

Everybody, thanks so much for your responses.

still seeking:
Maybe I'll send him a note like that. He is in the whole "avoid daughter at all costs to save own buttocks" mode, so I'll squirrel it somewhere for him to get.

Alphin:
Add to your picture pretty princess tiaras, and motion, and we have two cats in ballerina outfits doing plies and piruettes.
The rock thing I might do come christmas since I have to go visit then.

Orchid:
I am the children... and my brother sort of... very overgrown children.
So I guess that I will do what I want... too bad that what I want is to poke him in the eye with a stick for 4 hours straight.
I'll find out what my brother is doing and we'll see if he can poke him for me that day.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Lost-

I know this isn't funny, but the cats in ballerina outfits and poking him in the eye for 4 hours straight cracked me up.

How old is your father? I am of the opinion that you wouldn't want to do anything that you will regret later, like if something were to happen to your father, would you be sorry that you didn't send him a card, or wish him a happy father's day?

Of course, it's entirely up to you, I certainly understand how you feel. Perhaps that's the ticket. Call him on father's day and tell him Happy Father's Day and that you love him, but you can't condone this behavior, let him know how it makes you feel.

Just my 2 cents,

-Caren

Here's my F-D suggestion.

Write out a happy memory that includes the 2 of you ... you and your Dad.

Just write it out in narative form. Buy or make a generic card, and tuck the written 'Daddy and Me' memory into the card.

Preserve the good times. This will create in you ... a grace-filled space for your Father .... you will eventually need this sort of space. He will not live forever.

Bless you.

Pep <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Good suggestion Pep.

-Caren

Oops, sorry.... musta got my stories mixed up. I apologize.

Well since you are the 'child' in this matter and an adult, then by all means do what you want t/d. This is like a national father appreciation day. If your dad has not done anything since the last time to show appreciation for then if you don't do the normal thing, that is your choice.

I love my dad and sometimes he disappoints me but never that much. If he had, I certainly would let him know how I feel.

Howz about a card from you stating your real feelings? Maybe he will actually read it and you will have the chance to say some of what you need to say.

Writing can be a healing tool...... sometimes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Pep,

curse you for your moving AND easy solution <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />... still... can I throw it at him tied to a rock? or maybe make a ninja killer squirrel deliver it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

That way I am the portrait of grace and I get to keep my levels of revenge seeking energies at a healthy level?

Orchid, indeed it can, you should read the letter I wrote to his OW (which I didn't send at request of my mother), it pretty much crashed my brother's computers due to language.
My mother is now questioning wether I was exchanged at birth with the daughter of some rather evil pirate with a terrible case of sailor's mouth.