I have been doing so well and tonight I seem to of hit bottom again. I'm sitting here crying like a big baby because STBX received a phone call while picking up DD from his GF. They were openly making plans for tonight and it hurt like hell. I thought I was really moving on and then this.
I also thought things may be a bit rough there and I had hope. I'm not even sure I want him back, but I don't want him with her.
i just don't get him. He openly flirts with me, is very sexual with comments and actions, wants to eat here, but has this GF. Ok this is cake eating, but I am struggling wanting it to be so much more.
The D is almost final, custody is the only issue. Maybe I'm making this up, but I think he is unsure of all of it. He asked the other day about me dating and I said that I can't find anyone that I really want to spend time with and he said I know what you mean. OK well this GF has a toothbrush at your house - So what does this mean?
I'm just in so much pain. I seem to be doing well and then boom! How do I really get to the point that I don't care what he does? I still love him and I hate to admit that, but it is true. It has been over two years since I found out about the A. I have lived such hell and then we start over with this new GF. How do I let go?

I'm sorry you have to be here, but welcome anyway!

Pain is a personal thing - what we feel, what triggers it, how we deal with it. It passes. It also changes you. IMO.

I don't know what situation you were in that you overheard this conversation between your H and his GF, or why your H's GF has your daughter - your post is confusing to me, so I might be missing something here. But I'd suggest you not put yourself in that situation. Don't let him eat cake. Go dark if you have to. Don't be there for him at your expense.

You might want to visit the General Questions board for infidelity - people there will be better than me at advising you on ways to recover from an affair. If you want to try, that is.

Sorry I have the tendency to ramble when upset. I have changed my user name twice (Coolduck, MEWF) to avoid H reading my posts, so I am not new here. I did everything to save my M. This current GF got WH away from OW.(His savior), all the while she wanted him. I fought and I have nothing left and apparently I lost since the D is so close.
STBX got a call on his cell while he was picking up DD and I overheard.
I have went thru so much pain and I thought I was really getting strong.
The truth is I don't think my STBX has what it takes to make the M work. He isn't capable of making the ammends that needs to be made before we could make it work. H has read Dr. Harley's articles while the A was going on, but felt we could handle it our way. You see where that got us. The new GF is the bosses 22 yr old daughter so ending it with her would be touchy and I don't even think he wants to. He just throws out these comments that make me wonder. Perhaps they are supposed to to keep me guessing. I know that he always like the fact that I wanted him and my counsel thinks that I am his safety net.
I just can't go dark with DD, but this pain has to end. I don't know how to make myself stop caring.

C.Poppy
I have read your post and never feel that I have anything to offer, but the happiness with OW won't last. My WH had found his soulmate and look new GF turned his head. Looking at your WH's past record I think you know that this happiness won't last.
What is so hard is that everyone else can say "dump him - Look what he has done to you. Do you ever think he will change?", but we still have emotions there and that is what makes it hurt so bad. In my heart, I know that H isn't going to ever be what I need, but I still love him and I can't let go.
Goodluck to you

In reality, it will hurt for a while to come.....and - even when you least expect it {years down the road) - sometimes it may bite you when you least expect it. But the bites will become smaller and smaller and also farther and farther apart.

It's funny how simple little questions nearly 10 years later can trigger emotions.

Right now, what you are feeling is normal. Don't beat yourself up over that. Just worry about taking care of yourself and your child. She's about the age my son was when his dad moved out.

Over time it will get better. Right now, it seems, you are in the midst of it. It's ok to hope and pray the pain will go away. Because, one day, it will. Actually, it begins to subside. When the fighting and bickering and arguing and thrashing out of the settlement is done. When the man is no longer in your face everyday. When you can feel yourself starting to breathe and live again under your own control. When things stabilize.

That is when it will start to get better.

Until then, use that health insurance and get a good counselor. S/he can help you see yourself for the person of worth that you are. And if the pain is that great, talk with your doctor. S/he may be able to help you with some medication so that you can begin the recovery.

I have an excellent couselor and I was on AD's until I found out I was pregnant (which I lost the baby). I don't feel that I need to go back on them because I think from what I have read here what I am feeling is normal.
I just don't know how to become indifferent to him. I hate him for all that he has put me thru and yet I still love him or perhaps I love the fantasy of what we could of had. I don't know how to tell the difference. I have established thru counseling that I don't like the man my H is and I don't want back what I had. I'm not seeing him make any changes so the M needs to be over. Great logic, but emotions come in here and I'm stuck. I am going thru with the D because I have no other options and I am wasting my life waiting.
I just can't let go of the hope. I know my H is attracted to me and I would like to say is confused but I don't know if I am reading into things or not. He asks me things like do I really want this D, but won't tell me that he doesn't. Lately he has said things that lead me to believe that life with GF may not be so great, but I don't know. He could just be trying to lead me on. I think he likes knowing that he has two women wanting him.
I still love him, but I am afraid to tell him. He is nicer to me when he thinks I have it all together and am moving on with my life.
I am so scared. I still love him, but I can't do the rollercoaster again. He has not done or said anything to make me think he has changed. So why can't I just walk away?
I have met other men that would treat me wonderfully. I know it is too early get involved with someone, but I see what could be out there for me, so why can't I let it happen.
Has anyone elses WS sent mixed signals right up to the end? How do I become indifferent?

Have you read Dobson's book, Love Must Be Tough?

What you are feeling is normal but this has been going on for two years, am I right? So, in cases like this, situational depression is to be expected. When the situation does not abate but goes on and on, the situational depression can become chemical or clinical depression...

Been there, done that......even if you know there is an end in sight, sometimes something to help you get from the here and now to the better future is a GOOD thing.