Just pulled this from an article on MSN today titled "5 reasons guys end relationships". It's item #2 on the list:


So while they agree that you shouldn't jump into bed too soon, it's obviously not cool to wait too long either, or he might get tired of you...

Thanks MSN...

LL

Not to worry LL. The MSN genre of fellow is not the kind you're looking for anyway, and you already know that there are a multitude of guys out there whose standards differ from yours. These standards serve a vital purpose in identifying a potential mate, and an equally vital purpose in eliminating those who would not be a good fit for you.

As you well know, you're better off single than matched up with the wrong guy. Guys who take their dating/courting philosophy from any number of sex columns on the internet are not for you. No big deal, because you already knew this.

So really you should be glad that this is true, as it will enable you to more easily eliminate bad matches as a possibility before they get close enough to do you harm.

I commend you on your stated intent to refrain from the carnal pleasures until you re-marry, and I'd like to take this opportunity to encourage you to stick to your guns -- because you know that this is in your best interests, as well as an act of obedience to the Lord.

IMO one of the best ways to ascertain the worthiness of someone as a marital prospect is their attitudes about pre-marital sex, if they want a testdrive, then let em ride someone else while you move on to a more worthy prospect (meaning someone with morals and brains enuf to have assessed the risks, and concluded promiscuous behavior has zero advantages in securing a good mate). As for MSN, like most "news" organizations they are about ratings and readership, not good science. Is so stupid, of course men (and women) have great concerns about "bedroom" compatibility, duh!!! The issue is, what is the best way to determine that, and testdrives ain't it, there are much better ways.

I stopped dating a woman who wanted to get physical too fast, not just cause of the moral issue (although that is important, but otherwise she was a good, honest, interesting, Christian woman, who liked me alot..although the Christian part puzzled me some due to the physical behavior), but because she was apparently unable to discern her behavior was not conducive to a good relationship....which meant to me she really had little idea how to be a healthy partner, and I didn't want to train her.

By doing so I was free to meet another good Christian woman, who has healthy values and is working well, and not bring with me a history of serial sexualized relationships. It is so much more interesting and open when one isn't worried about sexual issues, or having to explain why you give yourself away pre-maritally, or have a roster of past sexual partners littering the countryside. You can focus on making friends, and demonstrate moral values, as well as your ability for restraint...and if it all works out, and you marry then you have something to offer in marriage, otherwise what do you have? A whole lot of nothing, and more than likely the relationship failed anyways. I suspect most pre-marital sexualized relationships rarely end in marriage, and those that do have a much higher failure rate, so why take the risk? It is so strange people think relationships are about sex, when that is the least of the concerns. If the people are healthy, and build a strong healthy relationship, the sex will take care of itself, and more often than not, be awesome.

[color:"blue"] Monkey [/color] - you may only have posted 14 times but your words here are very well put! I totally agree with you and hope [color:"blue"] LL [/color] hears the encouragement in them.

I do appreciate the encouragement. I think I just need a reminder every now and then that I'm not completely insane to have this goal.

And for any of you who may have noticed I've stepped into the dating realm, just be aware that I'm sure I'll be back asking for advice if/when the expectations from dates start to hit me. I don't intend to budge on my stance.

However, I really don't know how to go about explaining it to a potential partner, or when to bring it up. I don't exactly want to say on a second date, "Oh, by the way...don't be expecting these dinners to lead to the bedroom. I'm not going there until I'm married."

Ideas?

LL

LL,

Why not bring it up at the beginning of the dating relationships? If you are honest about that upfront, it could prevent a lot more heart ache later.

Like once you've been dating awhile and your emotions are getting stronger for each other, but yet, your not ready to say "let's get married" it could derail the potential hazards of feeling manipulated and guilted into giving in on your own standards.

Yes, it may knock down the dating pool, but do you really want someone who doesn't have the same standards you do?

In other words, why waste your time and theirs knowing you have VERY different expecations of how the relationship should progress?

So, another question then:

I've tried to make it clear to the two guys I've agreed to 2nd dates with that I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now. Is this, then, something I sould be bringing up on our dates (because I'm afraid it might seem a little weird, seeing as neither of us have even remotely suggested being exclusive)? Or is it something I keep to myself for now, but bring to the table at the first mention of becoming a couple?

LL